Co-Ord Round-up Part Three - 5th-8th

5th The Cow-Faced Juniors (up two places on last season)
Chris finished like a runaway juggernaut going downhill with seven straight wins. In horse racing parlance he was 'never nearer' but the way the top four were faltering he’d have wanted the season to last a month longer. His fortunes improved dramatically after the departures of big names Nicolas Anelka and Chris Samba in January. Summer signings Grant Holt and Danny Graham were effective and Luis Suarez chipped in after his suspension. Gareth Bale and Clint Dempsey had big seasons and if Chris can hang on to these two he must fancy a first elusive pot next term.
Star Player: Gareth Bale (nine goals, 11 cleans)

6th Aardvark Abacus (down one)
Ady must be kicking himself after a ‘so near but yet so far’ kind of season. This wasn’t a vintage Aardvarks line-up by any stretch of the imagination and yet they came close to an unlikely title. Just one win in the last eight matches did for Ady’s challenge. Vincent Kompany and Emanuel Adebayor had good seasons and bargain signing Anthony Pilkington was one bright spot in midfield but Ady got little out of expensive defenders Sebastian Coates and Stefan Savic. The Aardvarks purse strings may need to be loosened again if a stronger challenge is to happen next year.
Star Player: Vincent Kompany (three goals, 11 cleans)

7th San Dimas High School (up two)
San Dimas find themselves back in the top half after three years in the bottom eight. To be fair it was probably a slight over achievement. I will pat myself on the back for picking a squad where most players got a game but my success seems to have been built on defence with Neil Taylor and Kyle Walker standout performers. I still have trouble with spending on strikers with Romelu Lukaku, Roman Pavlyuchenko and Jon Walters costing £30m between them but none finding the net. Goals from Pavel Pogrebnyak and Peter Odemwingie become a priority if this isn't to be one-off.
Star Player: Kyle Walker (two goals, 11 cleans)

8th Fred West Landscape Gardening XI (down seven)
Like last year's runners-up the 2011/12 champions dropped seven places. Fred's title defence had been going along nicely with only the Artisans ahead after 14 weeks. Then it all came off the rails with one win in 11. Nemanja Vidic's injury left a huge hole in the defence while Didier Drogba and Dimitar Berbatov managed just four goals between them. WSFFL record-signing Fernando Torres only got six so is not the ready-made replacement Fred would have hoped. Fred still has one of the league's best midfields but will look for younger players to replace the departing Drogba and Berbatov.
Star Player: Patrice Evra (16 cleans)

Co-Ord Round-up Part Two - 9th-12th

9th You Know Your Boston Rock FC (down seven places on last season)
Sheriff finishes outside the top five for only the second time in 11 seasons and is also without a trophy for the first time in five years. On bare figures though Boston Rock did ok but probably caught the worst of the fixture list. A tricky opening meant that the 'Sky Heroes' went seven without a win at the start of the season and that set the tone. Steven Taylor and Darren Bent were big misses through injury and Andy Carroll only started to look like a footballer in the last few weeks of the campaign. The rebuilding programme is under way with the boss looking for talented youth to mix with the experience.
Star Player: John Terry (six goals, 10 cleans)

10th The Cheese Makers (up four places on last season)
A first season for Matthew and he made a big improvement on previous efforts by this franchise. He unfortunately missed the first auction as the previous manager was 'doing a Steve Coppell' and resigned after two weeks. When Matthew did join he made a statement by breaking the transfer record for a midfielder when buying Juan Mata for £23.5m and also added Shane Long for £12.5m. His success was built on the foundations of a solid defence though and Matthew will be looking for a proven goalscorer to kick the team on next year as Mata and Yohan Cabaye will create plenty of chances.
Star Player: Tim Krul (12 cleans, one saved penalty)

11th The Dead Parrots (down one place)
Dean continues to bounce around lower mid-table (indeed he spent the last ten weeks in 11th place) but it looks like he may have to work hard to stay there. The Parrots may well lose top scorer Yakubu and Mr Reliable Kevin Davies while big signings Gareth Barry, Kenwyne Jones and Adel Taarabt haven't shown that they can step up to replace them. Dean does at least have Joe Hart and defenders such as Mike Williamson and Emmerson Boyce who can contribute but this team looks in need of an overhaul if it's not to slip into the clutches of the bottom four.
Star Player: Joe Hart (14 cleans)

12th Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (up four places)
After hitting rock-bottom last season Paul is back on the up. The fortunes of Nil Satis are invariably tied in with those of Everton and that might be why Paul was still on the bottom two at the start of the year. Michael Vorm was an excellent signing while Park Chu-Young wasn't. The main turning point came with the £13m signing of Nikica Jelavic in February. The Croatian banged in 10 goals in the last few weeks of the season and Paul will be excited about getting a whole campaign out of him. Tim Cahill had a lacklustre season though and Paul's priority will be finding backup for Jelavic.
Star Player: John Heitinga (two goals, 10 cleans)

Co-Ord Round-up Part One - 13th-16th

13th Real Muppets (down ten places on last season)
A big drop for Ryan but there are mitigating circumstances. The Carlos Tevez affair deprived him of the league's top striker for the past two seasons for most of this campaign, Thomas Vermaelen missed the start of the season through injury and the unfortunate timing of our auctions meant he wasn't able to strengthen. Ryan made excellent signings in James McClean and the returning Paul Scholes but he needs to solve his striking problems as Gabby Agbonlahor, Nathan Delfouneso, Danny Sturridge and Fraizer Campbell have only shown flashes of the goalscoring form that Ryan needs to find.
Star Player: Thomas Vermaelen (five goals, nine clean sheets)

14th Mega Buck Bandits (down one)
Well at least Dave finished on a high! The Bandits had looked odds on favourites for bottom place but suddenly finished with three wins in a row, scoring 16 goals in the process. That was off the back of nine straight defeats. It was a tough season for Dave who spent just about the whole campaign in the bottom three. His squad was down to 17 after the summer clear-out and it looks like he may be in a similar situation this time round. Injuries to Charlie Adam and Antonio Valencia certainly didn't help but a combined £24m spent on Andre Santos and David Goodwillie was misguided at best.
Star Player: Steven Fletcher (10 goals)


15th Final Fantasy XI (same position)
Ceri had reached the heady heights of ninth position after week 11 but only three wins after November sees Final Fantasy treading water in the table. Ceri seems to be better spotting the players that other managers look over such as Demba Ba and Yaya Toure as her big-money signings, such as Andrei Arshavin and Connor Wickham failed to do the business. If Ba had ended the season in the goal-scoring form that he started then Final Fantasy may well have been a long way from bottom spot Angel Rangel and Gary Caldwell provided some good moments but this team needs more goals.
Star Player: Angel Rangel (one goal, 11 cleans)

16th York's Returning Glory (down four)
Julian props up the league for the fifth time in seven seasons. His was another campaign that petered out and the only week he was bottom was the 30th and last. York's are another team where big spend hasn't really come off with Fabian Delph, Craig Bellamy and Jay Bothroyd not really performing. Samir Nasri only really performed towards the end of the season and Julian had to look to clean sheets from the likes of Paddy Kenny and his QPR defenders to keep his season alive.  Without Peter Crouch it's hard to know where the goals would have come from.
Star Player: Peter Crouch (ten goals)

Milner makes San Dimas move

The dust has hardly settled on our extraordinary 2011/12 season and we have managers planning for next with our first transfer of the 'summer', midfielder James Milner moving from Boston Rock to San Dimas for £6m.

Milner joined Sheriff's team for £8m in September 2008 and scored 20 times for the Whitby Grove Enormodome club. Sheriff will use the money to redevelop his squad while Peej will hope to inject a bit of a goal-threat out of his midfield.

The midfielder will join up with his Tesco Car Park Stadium colleagues after the European Championships.

Week 30 Results

After 30 games Clive takes the title and completes the Double on goal difference.

Claymore Athletic FC 3 v 3 The Cheese Makers
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 1 San Dimas High School
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2 v 3 Athletico Phoenix
The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
The Dead Parrots 4 v 6 Mega Buck Bandits
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 3 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Trusted By Millions  3 v 2 Real Muppets
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	CC	SP	Pts
1	Claymore Athletic FC	30	17	5	8	91	61	30	24	1	56
2	Trusted By Millions	30	17	5	8	76	51	25	30	1	56
3	The Fabulous Artisans	30	17	2	11	63	53	10	24	0	53
4	Athletico Phoenix	30	16	5	9	62	52	10	27	0	53
5	The Cow-Faced Juniors	30	15	7	8	75	55	20	27	1	52
6	Aardvark Abacus	30	14	9	7	57	37	20	31	0	51
7	San Dimas High School	30	13	7	10	55	48	7	26	1	46
8	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	30	13	6	11	54	43	11	30	0	45
9	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	30	11	8	11	60	60	0	27	0	41
10	The Cheese Makers	30	12	5	13	51	53	-2	20	1	41
11	The Dead Parrots	30	11	3	16	45	71	-26	31	0	36
12	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	30	8	7	15	39	58	-19	24	0	31
13	Real Muppets	30	8	6	16	54	70	-16	27	0	30
14	Mega Buck Bandits	30	8	5	17	53	74	-21	13	1	29
15	Final Fantasy XI	30	7	6	17	43	54	-11	25	0	27
16	York's Returning Glory	30	7	6	17	38	76	-38	15	0	27

Claymore got there, but only just. Clive picks up his third title (his first since 2004/5) and becomes the fourth manager, after Ryan, Sheriff and Ady, to complete the League and FA Cup double. The league was won on goal difference for the first time since 1996/97. Here's how the most exciting day in the history of football ever ((c) Sky) unfolded.

4 minutes - Claymore 0 Cheese 1 - Yossi Benayoun takes advantage of a goalkeeping blunder to put Matthew's team ahead. As it Stands Table - Claymore 55, Trusted 54, Artisans 54
11m - Claymore 0 Cheese 2 - Shane Long looked offside but doubles Matthew's lead with a firm sidefooted shot from the edge of the area. Claymore 55, Trusted 54, Artisans 54
12m - Claymore 0 Cheese 3 - Good grief! I know Matthew wanted to do his brother a favour but Franco Di Santo has gone and made it three. Claymore 55, Trusted 54, Artisans 54
20m - Claymore 1 Cheese 3 - Claymore get on the scoresheet thanks to Wayne Rooney ghosting on for a header at the far post but it's still a long way back. Claymore 55, Trusted 54, Artisans 54
31m - Artisans 0 Boston 1 - Deadlock broken at Goddard Stadium. John Terry arrives in the area with perfect timing to power in a header. Claymore 55, Trusted 54, Artisans 53
34m - Trusted 0 Muppets 1 - And now Trusted are losing too! Raul Meireles strikes from 20 yards. Claymore 55, Trusted 53, Artisans 53
55m - Trusted 0 Muppets 2 - It's playing into Clive's hands. Laurent Koscielny is gifted a close range goal from a mix-up at a corner. Claymore 55, Trusted 53, Artisans 53
63m - Artisans 0 Boston 2 - His brother might be doing him a favour but Ben's making a mess of this. Jermain Defoe is the fox in the box to double Sheriff's lead. Claymore 55, Trusted 53, Artisans 53
90m+2 - Trusted 1 Muppets 2 - Edin Dzeko powers a header home from a corner to breathe life into Beef's challenge. Claymore 55, Trusted 53, Artisans 53
90m+3 - Artisans 0 Boston 3 - It's all over for the Artisans as Steven Caulker completes the win for Boston Rock with a clean. Claymore 55, Trusted 53, Artisans 53
90m+3 - Trusted 3 Muppets 2 - What a turnaround! Clean sheets from De Gea and Jones have given Beef the win. Surely it's Trusted title. Trusted 56, Claymore 55, Artisans 53
90m+3 - Claymore 2 Cheese 3 - Hold on. It's game on again. Jonny Evans has given Clive a clean. One more score will clinch it. Trusted 56, Claymore 55, Artisans 53
90m+4 - Claymore 3 Cheese 3 - Can you believe your eyes?! Clive's snatched it at the very last gasp. Sergio Aguero takes a touch to evade the sliding defender and slams in at the near post. Final Table Claymore 56, Trusted 56, Artisans 53

Quite extraordinary! It's champagne and fireworks to Clive, runners-up medals to Beef and third place, by the smallest of margins, to Ben. As for their opponents - the Cheese Makers finish tenth after a decent first season in the hotseat for Matthew, the Muppets disappointing campaign sees them in the bottom four while Boston Rock finish on a high but outside the top half.

Athletico Phoenix were pipped for third on goals scored. Brian's team came from behind against Nil Satis twice, with a helping hand from a long-distance Tony Hibbert headed own goal, before William Gallas' clean gave Brian the winner. One point further back came the fast-finishing CFJs who beat the slow-finishing Aardvark Abacus to end above them in the table. Chris had to come from behind twice too with Grant Holt's shoulder and Danny Graham cancelling out goals from Adebayor and a flukey Mark Davies deflection before the winner came from a Gareth Bale clean (possibly his last).

San Dimas stayed in seventh place after a Kyle Naughton clean settled my game against Final Fantasy. Not a lot else to say about that one really! Two cleans for Fred against York's mean his team at least finish in the top half after a lame attempted title defence. Ceri and Julian both finish with 27 points but it's York's that prop the table up on goal difference. Mega Bucks leapt from the foot of the table and finished above their Okus rivals after a third straight high-scoring victory. Emerson Boyce put Dean's team 4-3 up on 79 minutes with a spectacular half-volley but Steven Fletcher equalised with four minutes to go and then Dave found two clean sheets for the three points.

Week 29 Results

The title race goes into the last week...

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 1 The Dead Parrots
Athletico Phoenix 3 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 0 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
San Dimas High School 0 v 4 Trusted By Millions
The Cheese Makers 0 v 5 Mega Buck Bandits
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 2 Final Fantasy XI
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 3 Real Muppets

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	CC	SP	Pts
1	Claymore Athletic FC	29	17	4	8	88	58	30	24	1	55
2	Trusted By Millions	29	16	5	8	73	49	24	30	1	53
3	The Fabulous Artisans	29	17	2	10	63	50	13	23	0	53
4	Aardvark Abacus	29	14	9	6	55	34	21	31	0	51
5	Athletico Phoenix	29	15	5	9	59	50	9	25	0	50
6	The Cow-Faced Juniors	29	14	7	8	72	53	19	27	1	49
7	San Dimas High School	29	12	7	10	54	48	5	25	1	43
8	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	29	12	6	11	52	43	9	30	0	42
9	The Cheese Makers	29	12	4	13	48	50	-2	20	1	40
10	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	29	10	8	11	57	60	-3	26	0	38
11	The Dead Parrots	29	11	3	15	41	65	-24	31	0	36
12	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	29	8	7	14	37	55	-18	22	0	31
13	Real Muppets	29	8	6	15	52	67	-15	27	0	30
14	Final Fantasy XI	29	7	6	16	43	53	-10	24	0	27
15	York's Returning Glory	29	7	6	16	38	74	-36	15	0	27
16	Mega Buck Bandits	29	7	5	17	47	70	-23	13	1	26

For the third season running the title race goes to the last day but, for the first time in five years, it's a three-way fight to the finish.

Claymore are still in pole position but are less comfortable than a couple of weeks ago. Clive had a topsy-turvy 3-3 draw with Brian last weekend being 2-0 up with 20 minutes to go but a Robin van Persie double and a James Morrison close range effort had Brian on the verge of keeping his title hopes alive for another week. It was a Gael Clichy clean that levelled and ultimately broke Phoenix hearts but while the door is shut to Brian's team this season he forced it ajar for too other contenders. Trusted battered San Dimas 5-0 to give themselves goal difference hopes if Clive only draws this week. Michael Essien didn't help my cause by sticking through his own goal early on and after that it was one-way traffic. A rare effort from Jordan Henderson on the Trusted scoresheet this week. I'm still not quite assured of a top-half place but much more importantly if Clive draws Beef needs a six goal win over the Muppets to take over on goal difference.

The Fabulous Artisans are still in the hunt too but need Claymore to lose and Trusted not to win as well as win themselves on the last day to take the title. Ashley Young and Jonjo Shelvey had Ben two up on the hour but a Yaya Toure brace for Ceri, the second in the last minute, stunned the Goddard Park crowd into silence. Ben's saviour came in the unlikely form of Taye Taiwo who got the clean sheet that earned the three points. A Dead Parrots clean sheet finally did for the Aardvarks title hopes though, making it six draws out of seven for Ady. Emmanuel Adebayor's spot-kick looked like being the only significant action of the match before Emerson Boyce earned a share of the spoils for Dean.

The Cow-Faced Juniors are still on the stampede (how haven't I thought of that before?) and Chris's team scored two early set-pieces to beat our out-going champions. Clint Dempsey has been one of the players of the season and he bent in an early free-kick and the lead was doubled on 24 minutes with a Martin Petrov penalty. Fred needs a last day win to hold on to a top half finish. The Cheese Makers bid for a top eight place now relies on other results after Matthew's team fell to a surprise 5-0 home defeat to Mega Bucks. This game was 0-0 with five minutes to go but Steve Morison, Antolin Alcaraz and Djibril Cisse all scored and Alcaraz and Steven Ward added cleans. Dave still has  chance of not finishing bottom but needs a result this weekend.

Boston Rock won't finish in the top half after losing their 11th game of the season. Sheriff's team went down to the Muppets who have finished how Ryan would have wished them to play all season. Paul Scholes has proved a good signing and he and Danny Agger scored within a minute in the first half to bust the game open. Chris Brunt added another with a quarter of an hour to go and Boston Rock could only reply with a Chris Smalling clean. Our last game this week was an end of season 0-0 between York's and Nil Satis. Julian left looking over his shoulder at the bottom spot as we head to the last week.