Friday 28 January 2011

TV Pundits on the season so far

Last week the Co-ordinator was lucky enough to meet up with some of football’s best pundits to talk about the WSFFL season so far. Some comments didn’t make sense at the time but given the news that’s broken this week things are somewhat clearer.

Co-Ord: Fred West have made a great bid to take their first title. Can they do it?
Jamie Catknapp: They’re a top, top side with some top, top players and they’re top…er..top.
Richard Cheese: They’ve smashed it this season, like you Jamie eh?

Co-Ord: What about Boston Rock going for back-to-back trebles. Too much to ask surely.
Jamie Catknapp: They’re a top, top, side too but perhaps not as top as Fred because Fred are top.
Richard Cheese: I can only see them hanging off the back of Fred this season. Like you Jamie.

Co-Ord: Have you been disappointed with the Aardvarks this season?
Alan Handsome: They’ve been shocking.
Alan Counting-Sheeper: I’m going to answer in a monotonous Geordie tone in a way that just kind of repeats the question. Aardvarks, mid-table, disappointed with that.

Co-Ord: After challenging for the title last season Nil Satis are among the strugglers this time round, are you surprised?
Alan Handsome: What do you expect with teams based round Everton players. Shocking.
Richard Cheese: Kenny’s going to potty.

Co-Ord: The only woman manager in the league is at Final Fantasy. Could Ceri have done any more with her players?
Richard Cheese: A woman manager in WSFFL. What’s the world coming to? I bet she doesn’t understand the dodge. I mean…no comment. I mean… I’m really sorry for any offence I caused. I mean… I resign.
Chris Kamparvan: Unbelievable!

The Co-ordinator had hoped to speak to Andy Bray but refused the deal when he realised it involved tucking microphone cables down Bray's trousers.

Monday 24 January 2011

Week 19 Results

Athletico Phoenix 3 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans
Bassett Allsorts 1 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Claymore Athletic FC 4 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
Real Muppets 5 v 3 Trusted By Millions
San Dimas High School 0 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
The Cow-Faced Juniors 9 v 1 The Dead Parrots
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 0 Final Fantasy XI
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 v 6 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Fred's win over reigning champs Boston Rock mean the 'Gardeners' now have a seven-point stranglehold on the league. It was a frantic start with Dimitar Berbatov nodding in on two minutes then Didier Drogba unleashing an extraordinary shot from 30 yards which seemed to gain pace as it ripped home. Darren Bent struck back from close range on 18 minutes but Berbatov again and Ryan Giggs added to the lead by half-time. The Bulgarian had completed his hat-trick and Nani had added another before Boston Rock found a couple of cleans to reduce the deficit. I can't recall when Sheriff's team last conceded six so this result looks like a big momentum push for Fred.
Boston Rock are only in second place by one measly goal after the CFJs ran riot against the Dead Parrots. Jonathan Spector made the mistake of giving the Parrots the lead which stirred the CFJs into action. Clint Dempsey scored twice to lead the turnaround and even Freddie Piquionne's sending-off couldn't dampen the one-sided nature of this clash.

The Muppets have closed in on second place too after beating Trusted. Fernando Torres showed signs of returning to form with two goals for Beef, the second putting his team ahead in the last minute, but Ryan had the clean sheets to claim the points.

The Artisans are now level on points with Trusted after a draw with Athletico Phoenix. Ben also needed clean sheets to get a point after Robin van Persie had struck a hat-trick for Brian. The Dutchman's missed penalty ultimately denying the Phoenix a third straight win, a two-place climb up the table and a share of Manager of the Month.

In mid-table the Aardvarks jumped over San Dimas with a comfortable 2-0 win. Ady only needed two clean sheets to get the points after my team got nothing going at all. Claymore were the only winners in the bottom seven this week. Clive's team also needed clean sheeys (four of them) to over turn Charlie Adam's penalty that had given Mega Bucks a late lead.

The other two games at the foot of the table finished in draws. A late goal for Nil Satis by Diniyar Bilyaletdinov was cancelled out by Bassett's Marouane Fellaini even later. Paul's last win came in week 12. The game between York's and Final Fantasy finished goalless after clean sheets were cancelled out.

Wednesday 19 January 2011

FA Cup Quarter-final Draw

As my colleague Jon has had to wear a tie to work recently I thought he'd be the ideal candidate to do our quarter-final draw. Jon said he was: "honoured", tightened his tie, thrust his hand into the yellow bag and pulled the names out as follows...

San Dimas High School v Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Fabulous Artisans v Bassett Allsorts
York’s Returning Glory v Claymore Athletic FC
You Know Your Boston Rock FC v Mega Buck Bandits

A home tie for the holders against the Mega Bucks who held them to a draw a few weeks ago. San Dimas were looking for a first appearance in the last four for six years but had the dubious honour of drawing the double-chasing Fred West side.

York's (beaten finalists four years ago) and Claymore (the 1996/97 winners) have been cold in the league lately but one of them will be a Cup semi-finalist. Finally we have a battle of the Bens as the Artisans face the Allsorts with both teams looking to get their name on the trophy for the first time.

Sunday 16 January 2011

Week 18 (and Cup replay) Results

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 0 York’s Returning Glory
Athletico Phoenix 4 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 0 Bassett Allsorts
San Dimas High School 4 v 3 The Cow-Faced Juniors
The Dead Parrots 3 v 2 Final Fantasy XI
The Fabulous Artisans 4 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
Trusted By Millions 1 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 4 Real Muppets


plus FA Cup 1st Round replay

Claymore Athletic FC 4 v 2 Final Fantasy XI

Fred's lead is back to four points after differing fortunes for our top two. Fred doesn't pick Danny Higginbotham very often these days but he's glad he did this week as the defender scored and kept a clean to defeat the Allsorts. Ben's team have only won one league game in the last six which has stalled his push up the table. Boston Rock slipped to their first defeat since November at the hands of the Muppets. Raul Meireles opened his Muppets account when firing through a crowded penalty area on the half hour and Carlos Tevez added a second just after the break following a superb solo run. Kevin Nolan struck his ninth of the season (what a signing he's been) soon after but when Tevez added another to take his tally to 12 for the campaign the game was up for Sheriff.

The CFJs had crept into contention after seven straight wind but they came a cropper at the improving San Dimas. Nenad Milijas poked in to set the ball rolling and my team were three up at half-time. Chris fought back through Etherington and Anelka but Peter Odemwingie's second with three minutes left calmed my nerves and meant Gareth Bale's clean was nothing but a consolation. It took me 27 weeks to get to 27 points last season so things are looking up! Trusted are hanging in in fourth place but it was another subdued showing from Beef's men needing a Robert Huth clean to put paid to Nil Satis. Paul's team have sunk from one point off the top this time last year to two points off the bottom.

After their slow start the Artisans have now only lost one of their last ten. Ben is right in the thick of the chasing pack after a 4-0 win over Mega Bucks. Hugo Rodallega's lob broke the deadlock on 57 minutes and Clive lookalike James Collins added a deflected shot a quarter of an hour later. Dave's team with one league win in eight now and three points off the bottom. The Mega Bucks are on the same points as Claymore as Clive was beaten by an awakening Phoenix side. Robert van Persie scored twice and started to show signs of what he is capable of. Jermaine Beckford and James Morrison both netted too to give Brian a cushion that Ivanovic and Bosingwa were unable to haul back. (Can you haul a cushion back?)

That result sees Brian off the foot of the table after seven weeks and Ceri returns to bottom spot. Final Fantasy pegged the Parrots back to 2-2 when Andy Johnson scored with five minutes left but Dean had an Alan Hutton clean to give him the three points. The patchy Aardvarks put their best foot forward this week but still took them three quarters of the game to break down a stubborn York's defence. Dirk Kuyt got the opener from the spot and Asamoah Gyan scored deep in injury time which, along with a Cech clean, finished Julian off. Seven teams are within four points of the bottom of the table, it's getting interesting down there!

In the Cup Clive needed a host of clean sheets to make it to the quarter-finals after Andy Johnson looked to have put Ceri through with a goal five minutes from time.

Friday 14 January 2011

Yakubu exits San Dimas

San Dimas High School's long-serving striker Yakubu has left the club. A three and half million pound signing in 2003 he has given great service and will surely enter the Fantasy Club's 'Hall of Fame'.

The Yak hit 15 goals in 2007/08 but an achilles injury halted him with four to his name the season after. He could only manage two last term and had notched just once in this campaign. He will be missed.

Yakubu will be replaced by 19-year old Brazilian forward Rodrigo Moreno. If he's half the player the Yak was he'll be a good signing.

Also leaving the High School is Ledley King. With no sign of an early return from injury he departs with his place in the squad being taken by Freddie Sears.

Sunday 9 January 2011

FA Cup Round One Results

Athletico Phoenix 1 v 4 San Dimas High School
Bassett Allsorts 3 v 1 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 1 Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets 1 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits
The Dead Parrots 2 v 9 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
York’s Returning Glory 4 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

Looks like the holders have no intention of letting the Trophy go lightly! Boston Rock, as far as I can tell, secured their record victory and equalled the highest FA Cup score in the opening game of their defence. As Parrots manager Dean said, I guess they're not Sheriff's bogey team anymore. Big names like Terry, Lampard, Defoe and Ferdinand were all on the scoresheet, the holders are in good health as we enter the second half of the season. They couldn't pull the Treble off again, could they? Beaten finalists in the last two seasons the CFJs won't be making it three in a row. Despite Nicolas Anelka giving Chris the lead just after the break but some penalty area clumsiness gave Cesc Fabregas the chance to level from the spot then Ryan Nelsen got a winning clean for the Mega Bucks.

The other real shock was Bassett Allsorts downing Trusted. Soloman Kalou had Ben ahead on the half hour but an unlucky own goal meant Beef was level just after the break. Rare goals from Marouane Fellaini and particularly Stilyan Petrov clinched victory for the Allsorts. The Artisans have had something of the 'evil eye' over the Aardvarks since joining the league and they kept that great run against their opponents going. Marc Albrighton and Leighton Baines getting the goals for Ben W, it looks like Ady will be going pot-less this year.

Fred has his eye on the double after edging past the Muppets 2-1. Ryan Giggs struck an early penalty for the league leaders but Muppets talisman Carlos Tevez had Ryan level at the break. Patrice Evra's clean settled the game in Fred's favour after a quiet second half. A Diomansy Kamara hat-trick was too much for Nil Satis and helped York's into the quarter-finals. Julian made the semis last year and clearly fancies another run. Paul's season has never really got going.

It's been six seasons since San Dimas were in a semi-final but I'm one game away after seeing off the Phoenix. Jermaine Beckford nodded Brian ahead on the half hour but Nenad Milijas settled any San Dimas nerves five minutes later with a 35-yard belter. The second-half saw a Stephen Hunt penalty give me the lead and then Johan Elmander popped up to settle the tie in the last minute. One match still to decide as Final Fantasy and Claymore drew 1-1. Cameron Jerome's goal for Ceri cancelled out by a Jose Bosingwa clean for Clive.

Sunday 2 January 2011

Week 17 Results

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 1 Real Muppets
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 2 San Dimas High School
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 3 The Cow-Faced Juniors
The Dead Parrots 2 v 3 Athletico Phoenix
The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 0 Bassett Allsorts
Trusted By Millions  3 v 3 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
York’s Returning Glory 1 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

Once again the Boston Rock spell at the top of the table lasts just one week. WSFFL's major players were on target in the Trusted/Boston Rock match with Bent, Lampard and Terry looking to have given Sheriff victory with only Torres replying for Trusted. Beef had a couple of cleans up his sleeve though to force a 3-3 draw and keep his side on the fringes of the title race. It's Fred West back on top after edging out the Aardvarks. Danny Welbeck has made his WSFFL name this season and opened the scoring for Fred on 11 minutes. The lead was doubled 20 minutes from the end when Phil Jagielka got in a bit of a muddle and prodded past his own keeper. Asamoah Gyan pulled one back very late but it's another defeat for Ady.

The CFJs have quietly moved themselves up to within four points of the summit. Gareth Bale was Chris' star man with another goal and a clean in a comfortable win at Nil Satis. If Chris could bring in a reliable striker in the transfer window he could be in with a real shout. The Muppets are three wins away from Fred after Ciaran Clark kept his head in the ninetieth minute to get the only goal of the game for Ryan over Final Fantasy.

First half goals from midfielders Johnson and Young were enough for the Artisans to beat Bassett 2-0 in the battle of the Bens. Mr Warr nearer the business end of the table at last. San Dimas were also 2-0 winners. Clean sheets from Gordon and Eardley doing the business for me against MegaBucks.

Clive's horror run came to an end with victory at York's. Wayne Rooney nodded Claymore in front on three minutes and Sagna and Clichy cleans finished the game off after a Nasri equaliser. Athletico Phoenix will have been more pleased than most to see the back of 2010 and they started the New Year in great form. A first of the season from Robin van Persie immediately followed by a James Morrison screamer had Brian two up in a quarter of an hour. The Dead Parrots forward line got a goal each to square the game at the break but two minutes after the interval Emile Heskey powered home a header with what proved to be a winne

Saturday 1 January 2011

New Year's Day Moves

The WSFFL player registration office has been working overtime over the New Year period with some transfer moves to ratify.

The Fabulous Artisans have signed goalkeeper Vito Mannone, I'm sure why will become clear at some point but I don't get this one at the moment! Dedryk Boyata leaves the club.

San Dimas have let wantaway young striker Fabio Borini leave the club (well, he did want away) and replaced him with Manchester United's young potential-filled striker Bebe. At the same club George Elokobi has joined the defensive ranks with midfielder Jean Beausejour's contract being cancelled.

The Muppets have also been in the market signing Craig Cathcart and letting Abdoulaye Faye go.