Athletico Phoenix 1 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
Cheese Makers 1 v 0 YTFIB
FCK2 0 v 0 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 3 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 3 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets 3 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors
San Dimas High School 3 v 4 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 1 The Dead Parrots
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | Diff | Pts | |
| 1 | Real Muppets | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 1 | 2 | 3 |
| 2 | Nil Satis Nisi Optimum | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 3 | 1 | 3 |
| 3 | Final Fantasy XI | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 3 |
| 4 | Fred West Landscape Gardening XI | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 3 | 2 | 1 | 3 |
| 5 | Aardvark Abacus | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 3 |
| 6 | Cheese Makers | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 |
| 7 | The Dead Parrots | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 |
| 8 | FCK2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| 9 | Trusted By Millions | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| 10 | San Dimas High School | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 4 | -1 | 0 |
| 11 | Claymore Athletic FC | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 0 |
| 12 | Mega Buck Bandits | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | -1 | 0 |
| 13 | Athletico Phoenix | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 2 | -1 | 0 |
| 14 | The Fabulous Artisans | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 15 | YTFIB | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 1 | -1 | 0 |
| 16 | The Cow-Faced Juniors | 1 | 0 | 0 | 1 | 1 | 3 | -2 | 0 |
First leaders - Are Real Muppets who beat the CFJs 3-1. Ryan had a good tilt at the title before running out of steam last season, can he sustain his challenge longer this time. Super finish from Raheem Sterling in this one too.
First stalemate - We don't get many matches where nothing happens but we started with one. The champions were involved in a bore draw with FCK2. Nothing else to say.
First goal - It was 17 minutes before the scorers were troubled this week. Big-money signing Diego Costa netting for the Phoenix. That was the only piece of good news for Brian who shipped two cleans to the Aardvarks to lose 2-1.
First missed pen - Was by Mark Noble for Mega Bucks at Final Fantasy. This was followed in the same game by the first saved penalty. Allan McGregor was Ceri's hero and earned her team all three points.
First dodge - Was from Clive bringing Wayne Rooney's goal in. It wasn't enough to beat Fred though with new signing Leonardo Ulloa on target for the Gardeners amongst others.
First brace - Saido Berahino notched twice for San Dimas but ended on the losing side. Debut of the day award goes to Eric Dier who scored and kept a clean for Nil Satis to turn this game round and give Paul the win.
First crushing disappointment - The team that notched the joint-most 'counters' last season, the Artisans, got none at all and lost to a Joe Hart clean for the Parrots.
First person whose surname is also a Northern town to get a winner* - James Chester stooped to conquer for Matthew as his side beat YTFIB 1-0.
*OK, I was running out of ideas.
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