Week Five Results

Crikey! The Muppets mean business this season.

Athletico Phoenix 0 v 7 Real Muppets
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 3 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 4 v 1 Cheese Makers
Markian United 2 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Mega Buck Bandits 4 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
San Dimas High School 2 v 5 Trusted By Millions
The Wateringhole Society 0 v 5 Aardvark Abacus
YTFIB 2 v 1 Wheel Madrid


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	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Real Muppets	5	4	1	0	22	8	14	13
2	The Cow-Faced Juniors	5	4	1	0	14	5	9	13
3	Aardvark Abacus	5	3	2	0	12	4	8	11
4	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	5	3	1	1	12	7	5	10
5	San Dimas High School	5	3	1	1	13	13	0	10
6	Trusted By Millions	5	3	0	2	12	7	5	9
7	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	5	3	0	2	8	4	4	9
8	Claymore Athletic FC	5	2	1	2	11	8	3	7
9	Athletico Phoenix	5	2	1	2	8	11	-3	7
10	Wheel Madrid	5	2	0	3	8	9	-1	6
11	Mega Buck Bandits	5	1	1	3	6	7	-1	4
12	Cheese Makers	5	1	1	3	4	10	-6	4
13	Markian United	5	1	0	4	6	12	-6	3
14	The Fabulous Artisans	5	1	0	4	7	15	-8	3
15	YTFIB	5	1	0	4	5	14	-9	3
16	The Wateringhole Society	5	1	0	4	4	18	-14	3

A crushing win for the Muppets at Athletico keeps Ryan top and boosts their goal difference significantly. Shine Okazaki broke the deadlock just before the break and Raheem Sterling added two more before the hour. Could this be Sterling’s breakthrough year? He has as many goals as Harry Kane #justsaying. Markian United have decided to name their imaginary ground The Boston Rock Stadium (The Rock for short) in honour of their illustrious predecessors. Which is either a nice touch or a bit weird. Or both. Anyhow, The Rock hosted its first league game and although Harry Kane struck twice in five minutes to put the home side 2-1 up they eventually went down 4-2 to the CFJs. Alvaro Morata scored a hat-trick for Chris to take his tally this season to six. That’s what £36m gets you!

The Aardvarks are still unbeaten and up to third after a 5-0 win at the Wateringhole Society which sends Kiran’s team bottom. Alexandre Lacazette scored twice for Ady (that’s what £35m gets you!), Cech, Dunk and Monreal got the cleans. Champions Fred are up to fourth with a 4-1 over Cheese Makers. A  Mo Salah (who looks a bargain at £11m) goal from a tight angle opened the scoring and Leroy Sane added another before the break. Richarlison opened his Cheese account at the death to get Matthew back in it but cleans from Azpilicueta and Lowe finished it off for Fred.

My team lost their first game of the campaign to drop to fifth after defeat to Trusted who are a place behind. First goals of the season from Andre Gray and Jordan Henderson gave Beef the lead twice with first Lukaku and then a first saved penalty of the season from Simon Mignolet squaring things up before Cahill, Jones and Mee gave Trusted that big win. Nil Satis got the better of Claymore in the first Evertonian derby this season to go 7th, one place above their opponents. Clive got goals from Tomer Hemed and Sergio Aguero but cleans from Bernard Mendy (who may have picked up a bad knock), Marcos Alonso and Danilo saw the points head with Paul S down to the West Country.

Mega Bucks got their first league win, 4-2 over the unlucky Artisans. Dave welcomed Phillippe Coutinho back and he was repaid with a stunning free-kick goal and Josh King added a second. Christian Eriksen and The Little Pea pulled Ben level with 25 minutes left but Dave took the points with cleans from the in-form Kolasinac and Valencia. YTFIB also got their first league win this season repeating their 2-1 win over Wheels from the PCMT game last week. Paul W was ahead through Jamie Vardy but a superb 89th minute goal from Fabian Delph set up a Nick Pope clean for Julian’s win.

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy First Round Results

The holders (Fred) safely through, Nil Satis will get a chance to defend the Charity Shield while YTFIB and MBB provide the surprises.

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC
Athletico Phoenix 1 v 3 Trusted By Millions
Cheese Makers 1 v 2 San Dimas High School
Markian United 0 v 2 Real Muppets
Mega Buck Bandits 4 v 0 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
The Wateringhole Society 0 v 3 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
YTFIB 2 v 1 Wheel Madrid

Replay

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 Aardvark Abacus

I think it would be rude not to start with the holders so I’ll say that Mo Salah set Fred on his way with a goal against the Wateringhole Society after half an hour that ended up as a 3-0 win. It would be ruder not to give a big mention to Mega Bucks who smashed the CFJs 4-0. Antonio Valencia’s early strike put Dave ahead and three cleans (one from Valencia) rounded out the big win. It’s only the second time in 15 seasons that Dave has won a PCMT first round match.

Another team that have had a poor trot in this tournament are YTFIB. Julian broke an eight year first round losing streak with a 2-1 victory over Wheel Madrid. Jermain Defoe getting his first for his new club along the way. At the other end of that scale San Dimas have the longest current run making it past the first round. That now stands at six after Christian Atsu and Romelu Lukaku got my goals in a 2-1 win over Cheese Makers.

Athletico will get a chance to win the Charity Shield for a third time after bowing out to Trusted. Gabriel Jesus and Nicolas Otamendi notched for Beef to give him a cushion before Anthony Martial’s late response. The current Charity Shield holders, Nil Satis, will get a chance to retain the trophy after being knocked out by the Artisans. Clean sheets getting the job done for Ben in a 2-1 win.

Our league leaders kept up their form too. The Muppets left it late to beat Markian 2-0, Raheem Sterling opened the scoring from the spot, to let the new boys know this isn’t going to be straightforward. One game goes to a replay - Aardvarks v Claymore. Sergio Aguero's hat-trick for Clive not enough to see off Ady’s team.

Ady's resilience gave him a second bite of the cherry and he delivered in the replay. A first first round exit for Claymore in four seasons at least gives Clive a chance to win the only trophy that has so far eluded him. Has big-money signing Alexandre Lacazette sent Ady on his way to his first PCMT final since 2005/6 I wonder?

Week Four Results

The end of the 100% records and a debut win for the new boys.

Aardvark Abacus 4 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Cheese Makers 1 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 1 Athletico Phoenix
Real Muppets 5 v 5 San Dimas High School
The Cow-Faced Juniors 5 v 1 The Wateringhole Society
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 4 Claymore Athletic FC
Trusted By Millions 4 v 0 YTFIB
Wheel Madrid 1 v 3 Markian United


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	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Real Muppets	4	3	1	0	15	8	7	10
2	The Cow-Faced Juniors	4	3	1	0	10	3	7	10
3	San Dimas High School	4	3	1	0	11	8	3	10
4	Aardvark Abacus	4	2	2	0	7	4	3	8
5	Claymore Athletic FC	4	2	1	1	9	5	4	7
6	Athletico Phoenix	4	2	1	1	8	4	4	7
7	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	4	2	1	1	8	6	2	7
8	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	4	2	0	2	5	2	3	6
9	Trusted By Millions	4	2	0	2	7	5	2	6
10	Wheel Madrid	4	2	0	2	7	7	0	6
11	Cheese Makers	4	1	1	2	3	6	-3	4
12	Markian United	4	1	0	3	4	8	-4	3
13	The Fabulous Artisans	4	1	0	3	5	11	-6	3
14	The Wateringhole Society	4	1	0	3	4	13	-9	3
15	Mega Buck Bandits	4	0	1	3	2	5	-3	1
16	YTFIB	4	0	0	4	3	13	-10	0

There I was, 5-0 up - no time at all left, about to go top for the first time since week 15 in 2001/2, then Ryan produced a full house of clean sheets to get a draw and stay top. To rub salt into that wound San Dimas lost second place too on goal difference off the back of the CFJs beating the Wateringhole Society 5-1.

The Aardvarks are the fourth of our unbeaten teams after seeing off Fred 4-2 after trailing 2-1 to a Leroy Sane brace. Claymore are a point and a place behind after a clean sheet inspired 4-1 win over the Artisans.

Athletico are also on seven points after an early Chris Wood goal settled their match with Nil Satis in Brian’s favour. Paul S keeps a top half place on goal difference from Trusted after Gabriel Jesus scored twice in Beef’s victory over winless YTFIB.

A Jose Fonte clean was enough for Cheese Makers to notch their first win at the expense of Mega Bucks who drop to 15th and still have a 0 in the W column. I’ll save the last word for Markian United who won their first game in the league 3-1 against Wheels. A revitalised Harry Kane made the difference with two goals.