Week 5 Results - Aardvarks drop first points

Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 0 Cheese Makers

Real Muppets 1 v 1 San Dimas High School

The Cow-Faced Juniors 0 v 2 Stanley Athletic FC

The Wateringhole Society 1 v 2 Markian United

Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 Aardvark Abacus

Wheel Madrid 2 v 4 The Fabulous Artisans

YTFIB 0 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Aardvark Abacus	5	4	1	0	18	12	6	13
2	Mega Buck Bandits	5	3	2	0	12	3	9	11
3	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	5	3	1	1	12	3	9	10
4	Markian United	5	3	0	2	8	8	0	9
5	San Dimas High School	5	2	2	1	8	7	1	8
6	Stanley Athletic FC	5	2	2	1	10	10	0	8
7	The Wateringhole Society	5	2	1	2	25	11	14	7
8	Wheel Madrid	5	2	1	2	15	18	-3	7
9	The Fabulous Artisans	5	2	1	2	11	18	-7	7
10	The Cow-Faced Juniors	5	2	0	3	6	7	-1	6
11	Real Muppets	5	1	2	2	14	14	0	5
12	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	5	1	2	2	10	18	-8	5
13	YTFIB	5	1	1	3	7	9	-2	4
14	Claymore Athletic FC	5	1	1	3	4	11	-7	4
15	Trusted By Millions	5	0	3	2	6	11	-5	3
16	Cheese Makers	5	1	0	4	7	13	-6	3

The Aardvarks stay top but the 100% record has gone after a draw with reigning champions Trusted. Che Adams’ deflected shot gave Beef the advantage at the break, Ady levelled through Diogo Jota and then took the lead on 76 minutes with Son Heung-Min’s well-placed header. Jeff Schlupp went off with a clean at the same time to equalise for Trusted and that was the way it stayed. Mega Bucks closed the gap to two points with a 2-0 win over Cheese Makers. A brilliant Michail Antonio scissor-kick was Dave’s first goal on 18 minutes and Wilf Zaha slid in to double the lead 18 minutes into the second period. These two results mean Matthew now props up the table.

Nil Satis are third after edging YTFIB 1-0. Stuart Dallas’ clean the only difference between the two sides. Markian are up to fourth (no, really!) after an excellent 2-1 win at the Wateringhole. Sander Berge got an early penalty for Ian but a stunning half volley from Raul Jimenez levelled the game with ten minutes left. A clean for Luke Shaw gave Markian the points and they’ve now won more games this season than they did all of last.

San Dimas are a point behind in fifth after a 1-1 draw with the Muppets. Phil Foden put Ryan ahead six minutes after half-time but my new signing Karlan Grant got the equaliser with seven minutes left. Stanley haven’t hit full stride yet but are quietly up to sixth after a 2-0 win at the CFJs. James Ward-Prowse opened the scoring on 27 minutes, firing across the keeper into the far corner, and a Ben Chilwell clean assured Aaron of the points.

A Patrick Bamford hat-trick helped the Artisans to a 4-2 win over Wheel Madrid to join those opponents on seven points. An early David Luiz clean gave Paul W the lead but Bamford’s excellent treble put Ben in control with 16 minutes left. Jamie Vardy pulled one back with ten minutes to go but Tom Cairney got Ben’s fourth deep into injury time. Fred picked up his first win of the season, 2-0 over Claymore. The scoring came courtesy of clean sheets from Kurt Zouma and Timothy Castagne but both teams stay in the bottom five.

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round Results - Holders through after replay

Cheese Makers 1 v 1 Trusted By Millions 

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 3 v 5 Stanley Athletic FC

Markian United 3 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 0 San Dimas High School

The Cow-Faced Juniors 0 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits

The Wateringhole Society 3 v 3 Real Muppets

Wheel Madrid 0 v 1 Aardvark Abacus

YTFIB 1 v 0 The Fabulous Artisans 

Replays

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 1 Markian United

Real Muppets 3 v 1 The Wateringhole Society

Trusted By Millions 3 v 0 Cheese Makers

It’s traditional to start with the holders so let’s run with that. Claymore and Markian played out a remarkable 3-3 draw and will try again at the weekend. An unlucky deflection off Luke Shaw put Claymore in front after two minutes but a Harry Kane brace had Ian on top after barely a quarter of an hour. It stayed that way until the last five minutes. Davinson Sanchez scored a second Markian own goal to get Clive back on terms and a minute into injury time Ross Barkley’s long-ranger made it 3-2 Claymore. That lead lasted a minute. Jannik Westergaard getting a touch on a shot to make it 3-3. 

Last year’s beaten finalists, the Aardvarks, continued their 100% start to the season with a 1-0 win at Wheel Madrid. Son Heung-Min raced on to a long pass, cut inside and fired in after 45 seconds and after that nothing else happened. Mega Bucks also stay unbeaten this season after a 2-0 win over the CFJs. Wilf Zaha with a penalty after 19 minutes and a Nathan Ake clean doing the damage for Dave.

Stanley Athletic were the big scorers on the day, netting five against Fred. Aaron’s £108m attacking recruits Timo Werner and Kai Havertz both opened their accounts while under-fire Harry Maguire headed in as Stanley raced to a 4-0 lead inside the hour. The Gardeners got it back to 4-3 before recent Stanley signing Kevin Long got a clean to make it safe. The other high-scoring game was between the Wateringhole Society and Real Muppets. Ryan led twice in the first half, Sadio Mane and Raheem Sterling strikes sandwiching Michael Keane’s header but Kiran turned it round in the last 20 minutes. Raul Jimenez’s deflected strike restored parity and Marcus Rashford looked to have won the game for Kian six minutes into injury time. James Tarkowski’s clean for the Muppets forced a replay though.

Cheese Makers and Trusted need a replay after a 1-1 draw. Matthew went ahead through Danny Ings two minutes before the break before Beef replied on 57 with a scrappy Che Adams effort. Dominic Calvert-Lewin continued his brilliant scoring run with the only goal in a defeat of San Dimas. It was also 1-0 between YTFIB and the Artisans, Charlie Taylor getting the only clean for Julian meaning Ben gets a chance to defend the Charity Shield.

Replay report

Wins for last year’s top half teams in the replays. Holders Claymore needed two cleans to turn round their game against Markian, and two cleans did the same for the Muppets to get past the Wateringhole Society after Raul Jimenez has levelled with 10 minutes to go. Trusted had a more comfortable win over Cheese Makers. Che Adams with a first half goal followed by cleans from Schlupp and Koch.

Week Four - Aardvarks extend lead

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors

Cheese Makers 1 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 6 v 6 Wheel Madrid

Markian United 3 v 1 Real Muppets

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits

San Dimas High School 2 v 2 YTFIB

Stanley Athletic FC 3 v 3 The Wateringhole Society

The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 1 Trusted By Millions   

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Aardvark Abacus	4	4	0	0	16	10	6	12
2	Mega Buck Bandits	4	2	2	0	10	3	7	8
3	The Wateringhole Society	4	2	1	1	24	9	15	7
4	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	4	2	1	1	11	3	8	7
5	San Dimas High School	4	2	1	1	7	6	1	7
6	Wheel Madrid	4	2	1	1	13	14	-1	7
7	The Cow-Faced Juniors	4	2	0	2	6	5	1	6
8	Markian United	4	2	0	2	6	7	-1	6
9	Stanley Athletic FC	4	1	2	1	8	10	-2	5
10	Real Muppets	4	1	1	2	13	13	0	4
11	YTFIB	4	1	1	2	7	8	-1	4
12	Claymore Athletic FC	4	1	1	2	4	9	-5	4
13	The Fabulous Artisans	4	1	1	2	7	16	-9	4
14	Cheese Makers	4	1	0	3	7	11	-4	3
15	Trusted By Millions	4	0	2	2	4	9	-5	2
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	4	0	2	2	8	18	-10	2

Ady keeps his 100% record and extends his lead to four points after a 3-2 win over the CFJs. Three first-half goals for the Aardvarks (Ndombele and two more for Son) were too much for the Cows who replied through Rodrigo Moreno and a clean from Bednarek but just came up a tad short. Mega Bucks stay second are are still unbeaten after a 1-1 draw with Nil Satis. Michail Antonio put Dave ahead on 14 minutes, the in-form Dominic Calvert-Lewin made it six for the season for Paul S two minutes later and that’s the way it stayed.

The Wateringhole goalfest carried on in a 3-3 draw with Stanley Athletic. Neil Maupay’s goal for Kiran four minutes before the break was equalised five minutes after by Ben Chilwell. Two goals in five minutes through Pedro Neto and a far-post header from Bukayo Saka put the Wateringhole two up with half an hour to go but Aaron squared matters with cleans from Alex McCarthy and Chilwell. San Dimas are fifth after a 2-2 draw with YTFIB. Julian was two up courtesy of Allan St-Maximin and David McGoldrick but cleans from Kyle Walker-Peters and Willy Boly bailed out my under-performing strikers. 

Wheel Madrid scored six for the second week running but it was only good enough for a draw with Fred. The Gardeners were three up on the hour, a brace from Mo Salah included, and 4-1 up six minutes later. Paul W turned the game round with braces from Jorginho (two pens) Callum Wilson (one pen) and Jack Grealish (no pens) to go 6-4 up but Fred was able to earn a point with cleans from Azpilicueta and Zouma. Markian make a rare appearance in the top half after beating the Muppets 3-1. Raheem Sterling put Ryan ahead on 17 minutes but a brace from Harry Kane turned things round and new signing Jannik Westergaard’s clean ensured Ian took the win. 

Claymore got their first win of the campaign with a 3-1 win at Cheese Makers. Yerry Mina headed Matthew ahead in first half injury time, that goal was equalised ten minutes into the second period by a revitalised Ross Barkley and Clive claimed the points thanks to cleans from Cresswell and Saiss. The Artisans and Trusted played out a 1-1 draw and find themselves in the bottom four. A great first touch from Pablo Formals set up his goal for Beef and the lead lasted until seven minutes from time when a Jarrod Bowen long-ranger gave Ben the equaliser.