Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Final

Real Muppets 1

Foden 53

v

Wheel Madrid 2

McGinn 21

Olise 45+1

(no cancelled cleans)

At Wembley Stadium, Att: 90,000

Teams

Muppets

4-4-2

Ederson; Bassey, H.Bueno, Tarkowski, James; Foden, Gudmundsson, McTominay, Christie; Broja, Haaland

Subs - Ortega; Adarabioyo; Mejbri; Doak

Wheels

4-5-1

Randolph; Evans, Carlos, Clyne, Silva; Cairney, Olise, Bailey, Lallana, McGinn; Wilson 

Subs - ; Varane; Jorginho, Gonzalez

Report

Wheel Madrid have saved their best performances for this competition but went in as underdogs as the Muppets were bidding to retain the trophy and take it for the fourth time in seven seasons.

Paul’s team made the ideal start, going in front on 21 minutes. Captain and talisman John McGinn swung in a free-kick from the right which evaded everybody and ended in the Muppets’ net. It got better for the Wheelmen in first half injury time. Michael Olise was the coolest man on the pitch as he received a cross and had time to perfectly control with his chest and shoot in from six yards.

Ryan’s half time team talk brought a quick reward. Phil Foden hitting a low shot from 25 yards and beating the Wheels keeper at the near post. McGinn had a chance to restore the advantage on 72 minutes but his shot was cleared off the line. The Muppets fought hard for the equaliser into injury time. Foden hitting the post and then having a shot saved before time expired and the Wheels fans could start their celebrations.

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How they got there

Semi-finals

Real Muppets 5 v 1 Cheese Makers

Wheel Madrid 2 v 0 Aardvark Abacus

Quarter-finals

Aardvark Abacus 4 v 1 YTFIB 

Cheese Makers 2 v 0 Stanley & Gracie United 

Real Muppets 3 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Wheel Madrid 3 v 2 The Wateringhole Society

First Round

Cheese Makers 3 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 3 The Wateringhole Society 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 Stanley and Gracie United 

San Dimas High School 1 v 2 Aardvark Abacus 

The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 3 Real Muppets (after 2-2 draw)

Wheel Madrid 2 v 0 Markian United 

YTFIB 2 v 1 Trusted By Millions

Charity Shield Final

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0

v

Trusted By Millions 2

O'Shea [c]

Emerson [c]

(one cancelled clean)

At London Stadium, Att: 64,472

Teams

Nil Satis

3-5-2

Sa; Branthwaite, Patterson, Botman; Garner, Doku, Bellegarde, Tonali, Doucoure; Calvert-Lewin, Fati

Subs - Flekken; Mykolenko; Doyle; Origi

Trusted

4-4-2

Kaminski; O'Shea, Keane, Alexander-Arnold, Emerson; Gallagher, Trossard, McAtee, Palmer; Jesus, Diaz

Subs - Areola; Schlupp; Billing; Beto

Report

It was largely uneventful. Some of the fans wore Santa outfits. That was a thing. Cole Palmer went close for Trusted in first half injury time with a shot deflected for a corner.

Six minutes after the break Nil Satis thought they had the lead through Dominic Calvert-Lewin but it was pulled back for a foul in the build-up. As we drifted towards a replay Beef’s team finally got on the scoresheet thanks to cleans from Dara O’Shea and Emerson to seal the win.

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How they got there:

Semi-finals

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 2 Trusted By Millions

The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

Quarter-finals

Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI (after 1-1 draw)

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 3 v 1 Markian United 

The Fabulous Artisans 6 v 1 San Dimas High School 

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 5 Trusted By Millions (after 2-2 draw)

2023/24 Week 14 Results - Aardvarks the Christmas number one

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 0 YTFIB 

Cheese Makers 2 v 0 Stanley and Gracie United 

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 6 Trusted By Millions

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 4 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 

San Dimas High School 2 v 2 Markian United 

The Cow-Faced Juniors 6 v 0 Real Muppets 

The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 1 Wheel Madrid 

The Wateringhole Society 2 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Aardvark Abacus	14	10	0	4	45	25	20	30
2	The Fabulous Artisans	14	10	0	4	42	23	19	30
3	Markian United	14	9	1	4	30	26	4	28
4	Stanley and Gracie United	14	8	2	4	29	24	5	26
5	The Cow-Faced Juniors	14	8	1	5	30	23	7	25
6	Claymore Athletic FC	14	8	1	5	29	27	2	25
7	The Wateringhole Society	14	7	2	5	31	25	6	23
8	Cheese Makers	14	6	2	6	27	31	-4	20
9	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	14	6	1	7	32	32	0	19
10	Trusted By Millions	14	5	3	6	36	30	6	18
11	Real Muppets	14	5	3	6	28	32	-4	18
12	San Dimas High School	14	5	3	6	26	30	-4	18
13	Mega Buck Bandits	14	5	2	7	16	22	-6	17
14	YTFIB	14	4	4	6	19	27	-8	16
15	Wheel Madrid	14	1	2	11	21	43	-22	5
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	14	1	1	12	12	33	-21	4

The Aardvarks will be top of the WSFFL Christmas tree this year. Have they been nice and go on to win the league or have they been naughty and will they… not go on to win the league. I’ve stretched this metaphor too far I fancy. Ady’s team beat YTFIB 3-0 this week. Richarlison’s glancing header in first half injury time broke the deadlock but Julian made him wait for the clinching cleans from Axel Disasi and Ben White. The Artisans are one behind on goal difference after his team beat Wheel Madrid 3-1. 17-year-old Lewis Miley got his first WSFFL goal to open the scoring, Jarrod Bowen’s run and shot doubled the lead before Michael Olise pulled one back from the spot for Paul. It wasn’t the start of a fightback, Kostas Tsimikas’ clean made it 3-1 to Ben’s team.

Markian fell back after being held 2-2 by San Dimas. The first goal came eight minutes from time when Dan Burn bundled my team ahead from close in. It was 2-0 five minutes later with Kai Havertz having time and space to fire in. Ian grabbed his point with cleans from Destiny Udogie and Pedro Porro. An unlucky SGU stay fourth after a 2-0 defeat at Cheese Makers. The ball dropped perfectly for Rico Lewis to smash Matthew’s team ahead on 54 minutes and after Ben Mee’s sending off for Aaron it was Nayef Aguerd that got the Cheese clean to finish the scoring.

The CFJs are up to fifth after thrashing the Muppets 6-0. One eye on the PCMT Final for Ryan’s players perhaps. Mohamed Kudus scored twice in ten first half minutes for the Cows, Miguel Almiron made it three just after the hour and cleans from Gabriel, Tino Livramento and Vladimir Coufal piled on the pain for the Muppets who drop to 11th. The only one of our early season cup finalists to win were Trusted who demolished Claymore 6-1. Clive had gone ahead when Amadou Onana towered over the Trusted defence to head in. The lead only lasted six minutes before Michael Keane followed up his own shot to level. Quick-fire second half goals from Gabriel Jesus and Cole Palmer took the game away from Claymore who added cleans from Keane, Lukasz Fabianski and Trent Alexander-Arnold. Clive’s team not helped by Raul Jimenez’s early red card for his 1982 Harald Schumacher re-enactment.

The Wateringhole Society are seventh, seven points off the top after beating Mega Bucks 2-0. Dejan Kulusevski hammered in at the near post to open the scoring on 65 minutes and William Saliba’s clean made it 2-0. Fred added to Nil Satis’ league woes with a 4-0 win at St Domingo’s. Jack Grealish’s first time finish on 24 minutes put him one up and the Gardeners cruised to three more cleans, Benoit Badiashile, Ibrahima Konate and Cristian Romero the men responsible.

FA Cup 1st Round draw

Mrs Co-ordinator pulled out the names - I put the home teams in alphabetical order...

Cheese Makers v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

Claymore Athletic FC v The Cow-Faced Juniors

Markian United v The Fabulous Artisans

Mega Buck Bandits v San Dimas High School

Stanley and Gracie United v Aardvark Abacus

Trusted By Millions v Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Wheel Madrid v The Wateringhole Society

YTFIB v Real Muppets

A couple of top of the table clashes there, not least the holders with a tricky tie at Markian.

Games to be played across 5-8 January 2024

2023/24 Week 13 Results - Aardvarks back on top

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 3 v 0 The Fabulous Artisans 

Markian United 1 v 3 Stanley and Gracie United

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v1  Aardvark Abacus 

Real Muppets 2 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 

The Wateringhole Society 4 v 0 Cheese Makers

Trusted By Millions 2 v 4 San Dimas High School

Wheel Madrid 1 v 4 Claymore Athletic FC 

YTFIB 0 v 0 The Cow-Faced Juniors

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Aardvark Abacus	13	9	0	4	42	25	17	27
2	The Fabulous Artisans	13	9	0	4	39	22	17	27
3	Markian United	13	9	0	4	28	24	4	27
4	Stanley and Gracie United	13	8	2	3	29	22	7	26
5	Claymore Athletic FC	13	8	1	4	28	21	7	25
6	The Cow-Faced Juniors	13	7	1	5	24	23	1	22
7	The Wateringhole Society	13	6	2	5	29	25	4	20
8	Real Muppets	13	5	3	5	28	26	2	18
9	San Dimas High School	13	5	2	6	24	28	-4	17
10	Mega Buck Bandits	13	5	2	6	16	20	-4	17
11	Cheese Makers	13	5	2	6	25	31	-6	17
12	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	13	5	1	7	28	32	-4	16
13	YTFIB	13	4	4	5	19	24	-5	16
14	Trusted By Millions	13	4	3	6	30	29	1	15
15	Wheel Madrid	13	1	2	10	20	40	-20	5
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	13	1	1	11	12	29	-17	4

Two points cover the top five teams after week 13 with the Aardvarks now ahead after a 1-0 win in the Bevan derby. The winning goal came late, Son Heung-Min converting a penalty five minutes from time. Ady’s team take over after the Artisans went down 3-0 to Fred. The opening goal came 20 minutes after the break when Jack Grealish shot through the keeper’s legs. Mohamed Salah’s deflected shot doubled the lead 11 minutes later and a Harvey Elliott stunner rounded out the win.

Nearly 73,500 packed into Markian’s The Rock stadium to see whether the home side could go top of the table. Most of them went home disappointed after a 3-1 defeat to Stanley and Gracie. Aaron only took five minutes to open the scoring thanks to a cute touch at the near post from in-form Dominic Solanke. Willian doubled the lead on the half-hour before Ian’s team pulled one back with Ashley Young’s early clean. Harry Wilson’s brilliant strike on the hour restored Aaron’s two goal lead and won the game. SGU are a point off the top themselves. Claymore are a further point back after a 4-1 win at Wheel Madrid. Paul’s team led after seven minutes, John McGinn turning and firing hime, but maybe the midweek semi exertions got the better of his team as Clive replied with a Raul Jimenez header and Matheus Cunha shot before half-time. Abdoulaye Doucoure fired in a rebound nine minutes after the break and John Stones clean made it 4-1.

The CFJs lost ground after a 0-0 draw with YTFIB where, as Chris correctly pointed out, F@#k all happened. That wasn’t the case for the Wateringhole Society who put four past Cheese Makers without reply. Ezra Konsa’s early clean opened the scoring, Simon Adingra headed in the second with 13 minutes left while cleans from Bernd Leno and Nelson Semedo completed the scoring for Kiran.

The Muppets are settled in mid-table after beating Nil Satis 2-0. A towering header from Tosin Adarabioyo five minutes before the break put Ryan’s team in front and Calvin Bassey’s clean finished the scoring. My team are up to ninth after a 4-2 win at Trusted. Beef’s team were two up in this one. A worldie from James McAtee opened the scoring in first half injury time and Philip Billing powered in a header on 68 minutes to double the lead. Marcos Senesi headed in to pull one back and Joelinton swept in an equaliser in injury time to set up cleans from Emi Martinez and Senesi to give me the win.