Week Two results - Four teams with 100% records

Cheese Makers 4 v 3 Aardvark Abacus 

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 7 Trusted By Millions

Markian United 1 v 0 Wheel Madrid 

Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans

Real Muppets 5 v 1 The Wateringhole Society 

San Dimas High School 0 v 1 YTFIB 

Stanley and Gracie United 4 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 5 Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	2	2	0	0	8	2	6	6
2	Real Muppets	2	2	0	0	7	2	5	6
3	Cheese Makers	2	2	0	0	7	3	4	6
4	Markian United	2	2	0	0	4	2	2	6
5	Trusted By Millions	2	1	0	1	7	5	2	3
6	Stanley and Gracie United	2	1	0	1	4	2	2	3
7	The Cow-Faced Juniors	2	1	0	1	6	5	1	3
8	The Fabulous Artisans	2	1	0	1	5	4	1	3
9	YTFIB	2	1	0	1	2	2	0	3
10	Claymore Athletic FC	2	1	0	1	5	7	-2	3
11	The Wateringhole Society	2	1	0	1	3	5	-2	3
12	Aardvark Abacus	2	0	1	1	5	6	-1	1
13	San Dimas High School	2	0	1	1	2	3	-1	1
14	Wheel Madrid	2	0	0	2	0	4	-4	0
15	Mega Buck Bandits	2	0	0	2	1	6	-5	0
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	2	0	0	2	0	8	-8	0

Some might say that Ollie has made the perfect start to his WSFFL life. He tops the table after beating last week’s leaders, the CFJs, 5-2. The Cows were two up as well but that lead lasted just three minutes before an astonishing two minute burst that saw Mo Salah, Morgan Gibbs-White and Cristian Romero all score. Cleans from Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Ibrahima Konate finished things off. Erling Haaland fired a hat-trick in the Muppets 5-1 victory over the Wateringhole Society. Ryan made a supersonic start, going three up inside 16 minutes. Kevin De Bruyne joined Haaland on the scoresheet in that early burst with a deflected Amad Diallo shot and Haaland completing his hat-trick in the second half.

Cheese Makers are third after an excellent 4-3 win over the Aardvarks. Son Heung-Min’s second goal had the champions 3-2 up with 13 minutes left only for Joao Pedro to head the Cheese level deep in injury time and Andrew Robertson got the winning clean. Ady has failed to win for two straight games for the first time since last November. A blip or has he started to slide away? Markian are the fourth team with a 100% record after a Pedro Porro clean settled their game against Wheel Madrid 1-0. Ian’s team seems to be improving little by little.

A big first win of the season for Trusted, 7-2 over Claymore. 2-1 up at half-time, Clive’s team were overwhelmed after the break. Noni Madueke hitting a hat-trick plus Leandro Trossard adding another and a Trent Alexander-Arnold clean all in the space of 24 minutes. Where did it all go wrong for Claymore? Instead of the halftime orange had they been at the cigarettes and alcohol? Stanley and Gracie are off the mark after inflicting a second straight defeat on Nil Satis. The breakthrough came on 77 minutes when Thomas Partey scored from range and SGU followed that up with cleans. Paul was busy at the auction but his team are still looking half the world away from challenging.

The Artisans picked up their first points with a 3-1 victory over Mega Bucks. The masterplan from Ben appears to have been to make everyone believe Nicolas Jackson wasn’t very good. The striker scored within two minutes with Emile Smith Rowe and Jarrod Bowen adding the other goals. YTFIB edged San Dimas 1-0 thanks to Alex Iwobi who raced away to fire through the keeper with 20 minutes to go. As for my team, whatever. 

Week One Results - Champs held, new boss wins

Aardvark Abacus 2 v 2 San Dimas High School 

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 3 v 0 Trusted By Millions

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors

The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 3 Markian United

The Wateringhole Society 2 v 0 Stanley and Gracie United

Wheel Madrid 0 v 3 Cheese Makers

YTFIB 1 v 2 Real Muppets

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Cow-Faced Juniors	1	1	0	0	4	0	4	3
2	Claymore Athletic FC	1	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
3	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	1	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
4	Cheese Makers	1	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
5	The Wateringhole Society	1	1	0	0	2	0	2	3
6	Markian United	1	1	0	0	3	2	1	3
7	Real Muppets	1	1	0	0	2	1	1	3
8	Aardvark Abacus	1	0	1	0	2	2	0	1
9	San Dimas High School	1	0	1	0	2	2	0	1
10	The Fabulous Artisans	1	0	0	1	2	3	-1	0
11	YTFIB	1	0	0	1	1	2	-1	0
12	Stanley and Gracie United	1	0	0	1	0	2	-2	0
13	Mega Buck Bandits	1	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
14	Trusted By Millions	1	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
15	Wheel Madrid	1	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	1	0	0	1	0	4	-4	0

The CFJs are our first leaders of the season after a 4-0 win over Nil Satis gave them the goal difference advantage over our six other opening weekend winners. All the action came after the break. There were goals from Danny Welbeck and Yoann Wissa while Gabriel and Tina Livramento added the cleans. Claymore head up our 3-0 winners by virtue of a mix of ‘counters’ and alphabetical order. Clive’s team beat Mega Bucks, Joelinton getting the opener at the end of the first half to set him on his way. Ethan Pinnock helped the Swordsmen out with an own goal and there was a debut goal from Joshua Zirkzee with three minutes left.

Ollie must be delighted with Garth Crooks’ Team of the Week's opening day win over Trusted. Should we be surprised that Mohamed Salah got the first goal of the Garth era? Probably not. Ibrahim Konate and the fit-again Lisandro Martinez added the cleans. Cheese Makers also picked up a 3-0 win, at Wheel Madrid. Bryan Mbeumo missed a chunk of last season but made up for lost time when putting Cheese ahead on 29 minutes. Andrew Robertson and David Raya got the clean sheets to complete the win.

On the subject of injuries The Wateringhole Society missed Kauro Mitoma for much of last season and the Japanese star was back and on target in a 2-0 win over Stanley and Gracie. The ever-reliable Bukayo Saka added the second with 16 minutes left. Markian notched the quickest goal of the week, Amadou Onana heading in after four minutes on the way to a 3-2 win over the Artisans. Pedro Porro and Lucas Paqueta’s penalty made it 3-0 but two red cards had Ian’s team on the back foot. Ben picked up two cleans but couldn’t get an equaliser.

The Muppets edged YTFIB 2-1 but Julian will be cursing leaving Jamie Vardy on the bench. Golden Boot for the last two seasons Erling Haaland opened his account for this campaign on 18 minutes and Lewis Hall’s early clean made it 2-0. Antoine Semenyo pulled one back but it wasn’t enough. The champions were held 2-2 by San Dimas. My team led twice, first through Kai Havertz header and then Mateo Kovacic. Ady struck back with Diogo Jota’s goal and Ben White’s clean.

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round draw

Cheese Makers v The Cow-Faced Juniors

Garth Crooks’ Team of the Week v Trusted By Millions

Mega Buck Bandits v The Wateringhole Society

Nil Satis Nisi Optum v Claymore Athletic FC 

Real Muppets v The Fabulous Artisans

San Dimas High School v Aardvark Abacus

Wheel Madrid v Stanley and Gracie United

YTFIB v Markian United

The holders start at home against friendly rivals SGU.

Those games to be played on the weekend of 5 October.