Week Five Results - A fifth different leader

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 6 The Fabulous Artisans 

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 1 v 0 San Dimas High School 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 3 Cheese Makers

The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 2 Stanley and Gracie United 

The Wateringhole Society 2 v 1 Markian United 

Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 Real Muppets

Wheel Madrid 2 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

YTFIB 1 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Fabulous Artisans	5	4	0	1	17	5	12	12
2	Cheese Makers	5	4	0	1	14	7	7	12
3	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	5	3	2	0	12	5	7	11
4	Real Muppets	5	3	2	0	14	8	6	11
5	The Cow-Faced Juniors	5	3	1	1	17	9	8	10
6	Markian United	5	3	1	1	9	6	3	10
7	The Wateringhole Society	5	3	1	1	9	8	1	10
8	Stanley and Gracie United	5	2	1	2	11	8	3	7
9	YTFIB	5	2	0	3	6	9	-3	6
10	Claymore Athletic FC	5	2	0	3	8	17	-9	6
11	Aardvark Abacus	5	1	2	2	13	13	0	5
12	Trusted By Millions	5	1	2	2	13	13	0	5
13	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	5	1	0	4	4	15	-11	3
14	San Dimas High School	5	0	2	3	5	8	-3	2
15	Wheel Madrid	5	0	1	4	3	12	-9	1
16	Mega Buck Bandits	5	0	1	4	2	14	-12	1

It’s Ben’s turn to top the table after a big win over the Aardvarks. The Artisans romped to a 6-1 win over Ady’s team and were five up inside 23 minutes. Nicolas Jackson raced away from the Aardvark defence twice, Tyler Dibling skipped through Ady’s backline, Riccardo Calafiori hit a great shot from outside the area and Emile Smith Rowe was on hand to get the fifth. Ollie Watkins second half goal for the champions was only a consolation and there was still time for a Marc Guehi clean for the Artisans. There were early goals for Cheese Makers too, in their 4-0 win over Nil Satis that sees Matthew back up to second. A stunning volley from Bryan Mbeumo in the first minute was soon followed by a smart turn and shot from Raul Jimenez. Andrew Robertson got the Cheese clean.

The unbeaten Garth Crooks Team of the Week are third after edging San Dimas 1-0. A tight (dull?) game was settled in Ollie’s favour by Ibrahima Konate’s clean. Last week’s leaders The Muppets are also still unbeaten but drop to fourth after drawing 2-2 with Trusted. There were early goals from Ryan’s team, Erling Haaland’s tenth of the season was soon followed by Iliman Ndiaye’s first. It changed round after the break. Cole Palmer reduced the deficit straight after the break and Trent Alexander-Arnold’s clean grabbed a point for Trusted.

The CFJs got the better of Stanley and Gracie 3-2. Dominic Solanke smashed in a rebound to put SGU ahead on eight minutes but Aaron’s team were 3-1 behind at the break. A low shot from Brennan Johnson levelled for the Cows, an excellent Danny Welbeck free-kick on the stroke of halftime was soon followed by Gabriel heading in from a corner. Aaron’s team could only find a clean sheet from Virgil van Dijk in the second half. The Wateringhole ended Markian’s unbeaten start with a 2-1 win. Darwin Nunez smacked a shot in off the post to give Ian the lead at the interval. That advantage lasted just a minute when the teams returned, Harvey Barnes picking out the bottom corner for TWS and Kiran’s team won it with a Marc Cucurella clean.

YTFIB are up to ninth after beating bottom team Mega Bucks 1-0. Julian’s winner came from a second half Neco Williams clean sheet. Claymore are a place behind after a comeback win at Wheel Madrid that keeps Paul’s team waiting for a first win. The Wheelmen led twice, Chris Wood’s early penalty was levelled by Matheus Cunha and James Maddison put them back in front with five minutes left. John Stones smashed in after a melee deep into injury time to equalise and Claymore completed the smash and grab raid with a Daniel Munoz clean.

Week Four Results - Now Muppets lead the league

Cheese Makers 0 v 2 The Wateringhole Society 

Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 5 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Markian United 3 v 1 YTFIB

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 6 Aardvark Abacus

Real Muppets 2 v 2 Garth Crooks' Team of the Week

San Dimas High School 1 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 

Stanley and Gracie United 4 v 2 Trusted By Millions 

The Fabulous Artisans 4 v 0 Wheel Madrid

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Real Muppets	4	3	1	0	12	6	6	10
2	Markian United	4	3	1	0	8	4	4	10
3	The Fabulous Artisans	4	3	0	1	11	4	7	9
4	Cheese Makers	4	3	0	1	11	7	4	9
5	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	4	2	2	0	11	5	6	8
6	The Cow-Faced Juniors	4	2	1	1	14	7	7	7
7	Stanley and Gracie United	4	2	1	1	9	5	4	7
8	The Wateringhole Society	4	2	1	1	7	7	0	7
9	Aardvark Abacus	4	1	2	1	12	7	5	5
10	Trusted By Millions	4	1	1	2	11	11	0	4
11	YTFIB	4	1	0	3	5	9	-4	3
12	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	4	1	0	3	4	12	-8	3
13	Claymore Athletic FC	4	1	0	3	5	15	-10	3
14	San Dimas High School	4	0	2	2	5	7	-2	2
15	Wheel Madrid	4	0	1	3	1	9	-8	1
16	Mega Buck Bandits	4	0	1	3	2	13	-11	1

With last week’s leaders slipping from the summit we have our fourth leader in four weeks, Real Muppets.  Ryan did lose his 100% record though in a 2-2 draw with the also unbeaten Garth Crooks’ Team of the Week. Erling Haaland’s brace had the Muppets two up but Ollie’s team hit back with cleans from Lisandro Martinez and Joel Veltman. The third of our unbeaten teams is Markian United who join the Muppets on ten points after beating YTFIB 3-1. Ian had to come from behind after the evergreen Jamie Vardy raced away to put Julian’s team ahead on 21 minutes. It was deep in the second half when Markian got back on level terms through Fabian Schar’s deflected effort. It was deep in injury time when Alejandro Garnacho put his team in the lead and new signing Ferdi Kadioglu clinched the win with a clean.

The Artisans are a point off the top after a 4-0 win over Wheel Madrid. It was a dream debut for Matthias De Ligt who notched a goal and a clean for Ben, Bart Verbruggen and Diogo Dalot also added cleans to add to Paul W’s early season woes. Cheese Makers' perfect start ended with defeat to the Wateringhole Society. Marcus Rashford was on target for Kiran four minutes before the break, Harvey Barnes curled in the second from the edge of the box 10 minutes from the end.

The CFJs are the league’s top scorers after spanking Claymore 6-0. Yoann Wissa took just 22 seconds to open the scoring with a close-range header, Gabriel added a header of his own on 64 minutes. Clean sheets for Gabriel, Ari Muric, Renato Veiga and Nassar Mazraoui gave the final score a very one-sided look.

SGU are another team on seven points after a 4-2 victory over Trusted. A saved penalty from Robert Sanchez put Aaron ahead but his team were behind in injury time when Jean-Phillipe Mateta’s penalty was his second of the gamet. Just as Beef was thinking about three points SGU turned it round courtesy of cleans from Ola Aina, Harry Maguire and Kieran Trippier. 

Rumours of the Aardvarks’ demise look to have been exaggerated after they thrashed Mega Bucks 6-0. It was a saved penalty that opened the scoring here too, Andre Onana’s stop om 33 minutes. Ollie Watkins added two goals while Onana, Wesley Fofana and Ben White got the cleans. Nil Satis climbed off the bottom of the table with a 2-1 win at San Dimas. My team were ahead too, when Dwight McNeil drilled in on 16 minutes. That lead only lasted 11 minutes before Dominic Calvert-Lewin headed Paul S level and Leif Davis’ clean gave him the winner. My team join Mega Bucks and Wheels in the ‘without a win’ category.

Week Three Results - Cheese on Top

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 1 Markian United

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 1 v 1 Stanley and Gracie United 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2 v 3 Real Muppets 

The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 0 Claymore Athletic FC

The Wateringhole Society 2 v 2 San Dimas High School

Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Wheel Madrid 1 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits

YTFIB 2 v 4 Cheese Makers

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Cheese Makers	3	3	0	0	11	5	6	9
2	Real Muppets	3	3	0	0	10	4	6	9
3	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	3	2	1	0	9	3	6	7
4	Markian United	3	2	1	0	5	3	2	7
5	The Fabulous Artisans	3	2	0	1	7	4	3	6
6	Trusted By Millions	3	1	1	1	9	7	2	4
7	Stanley and Gracie United	3	1	1	1	5	3	2	4
8	The Cow-Faced Juniors	3	1	1	1	8	7	1	4
9	The Wateringhole Society	3	1	1	1	5	7	-2	4
10	YTFIB	3	1	0	2	4	6	-2	3
11	Claymore Athletic FC	3	1	0	2	5	9	-4	3
12	Aardvark Abacus	3	0	2	1	6	7	-1	2
13	San Dimas High School	3	0	2	1	4	5	-1	2
14	Wheel Madrid	3	0	1	2	1	5	-4	1
15	Mega Buck Bandits	3	0	1	2	2	7	-5	1
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	3	0	0	3	2	11	-9	0

Who doesn’t like a bit of cheese on top? Vegans, thinking about it. And the lactose-intolerant I suppose. And some people with high cholesterol. But apart from that it’s time to enjoy the league table with its sprinkling of Cheese on top this week. It’s the first time Matthew’s team have topped the table in his 11-year tenure so Cheese Makers fans around the globe will be printing this table off and framing it and putting it in their toilet and forever celebrating 1 September as ‘Top of the Table Day’ or something.

Cheese Makers lead into the international break courtesy of one more goal scored than the Muppets, our other 100% team. The Cheese beat YTFIB 4-2. Matthew’s team raced into a 3-0 lead through a Bryan Mbeumo brace and a Joao Pedro follow-up before Julian got back in it with goals from Facundo Buonanotte and Antoine Semenyo. Andrew Robertson’s clean was the one to put his team on top. Ryan’s team needed an Erling Haaland hat-trick to get past Nil Satis. Paul’s team were much improved this week but are our last pointless team. A great strike from Jean-Ricner Bellegarde and a goal from Dominic Calvert-Lewin were Paul’s two equalisers but Haaland had the last word seven minutes from time.

Ollie and Ian are still unbeaten but both drew this week. Garth Crooks Team of the Week went one-up on SGU through Mohamed Salah’s first time finish but Aaron’s team earned a point with Virgil van Dijk’s clean. Markian drew with the Aardvarks who are one of five teams yet to win this season. Amadou Onana put Ian in front from close range, a fantastic Jhon Duran header levelled the match for Ady.

The Artisans made it two wins out of three with a 2-0 victory over Claymore. Nicolas Jackson had an easy task to score after 25 minutes and Ricardo Calafiori came off the bench to add a clean. Trusted lead four teams on four points. Beef’s team drew 2-2 with the CFJs, also on four points after this week. The Cows had gone 2-1 up thanks to Eberi Eze and Yoann Wissa's second half strikes and it took an Alexander Isak close range effort to grab a point for Trusted.

The Wateringhole drew with San Dimas in a game where both teams scored own goals. Ruben Dias was the unlucky player to slide in the first own goal of the game to put me ahead, Dan Burn lashed into the roof of his own net to finishing the scoring at 2-2. Wheel Madrid and Mega Bucks are off the mark after a 1-1 draw. Paul’s new signing Chris Wood headed him in front early on, Alisson rescued a point for Dave’s team.