Week 1 Results

Bassett Allsorts 1 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 Real Muppets
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 6 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 7 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 Athletico Phoenix
The Dead Parrots 1 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
Trusted By Millions 1 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
York’s Returning Glory 3 v 0 San Dimas High School

I'm not sure how important it is to lay down a marker in the first week - but it's better than doing the opposite.

The champions showed that they won't be giving up their title lightly with a six-goal demolition of Final Fantasy. Sheriff's tried and trusted players like Lampard, Terry, Milner and Bent all featuring on the scoresheet. Ceri's new signings can't come quick enough. Also with a six-goal victory (not seven as erroneously reported - probably by the WSFFL's answer to Chris Kamara) were Fred West over Mega Bucks. Fred's £55m outlay may reap rewards in time but it was old stagers like Drogba, Berbatov and Giggs doing the damage. Dave will just be hopeful not to run into a strike-force like that every week.

The game of the day between title contenders Trusted and Aardvark turned out to be the lowest-scoring. It was settled in Beef's favour by a scrambled Liam Ridgewell goal with two minutes remaining. Is it me or is the Aardvark armour tarnishing a little? Expect Ady to be busy in the transfer window auction. Last season the Muppets title challenge was derailed by drawing too many matches so Ryan will be pleased with an opening day win against Claymore. Florent Malouda bagging the day's earliest goal and another at the death before Pepe Reina comically shovelled into his own goal. Clive has already marked this season under R for rebuilding. His ten new signings will need time to gel.

A couple of last season's contenders didn't make great starts. The Fabulous Artisans managed a 1-1 draw at the always-dangerous Dead Parrots. Stuart Downing opened Ben's account for the season but he couldn't find a second goal to settle the game and Kolo Toure got the equalising clean for Dean. Last term's long-time leaders Nil Satis are the only team not to make any signings yet this season but Paul could be reaching for the chequebook after defeat to Athletico Phoenix. Brian recovering from Steven Carr's looped header into his own net to win the game with two cleans.

The CFJs were another team that needed clean sheets to grab all three points. Bassett Allsorts had taken the lead with an extremely rare Stilyan Petrov goal but Bale and Samba turned the game in Chris's favour. York's 3-0 victory over my shower of a team was their biggest in the league since week 10 last year. Three clean sheets doing the business for Julian. An anagram of San Dimas is 'is sad man' which scratches the surface of the way I feel about the High School's showing.