Monday 29 August 2011

The Greatest Game?

Trusted's stunning 9-6 win over Claymore in Week 3 has head WSFFL archivists reaching for the record books to see if this is the highest-scoring match in league history.

These same archivists then realised that they don't have all the records and it will be a pain to search through what they've got so they've simply decided that it is.

Here's how this incredible game unfolded.

6 mins 0-1 Jose Bosingwa's raking shot from 25 yards puts Claymore ahead.
15 mins 1-1 Jordan Henderson curls home from inside the box against his former club.
27 mins 2-1 David De Gea dives to his right to make a fine penalty save.
34 mins 3-1 Edin Dzeko volleys home from close range.
41 mins 4-1 Dzeko's clever back-header gives Trusted breathing space.
41 mins 4-2 But not for long as Wayne Rooney finds the top corner from a free-kick.
47 mins 4-3 Tim Howard's turn to save a penalty, diving to his left.
55 mins 5-3 Dzeko completes his hat-trick, steering in from barely a yard.
60 mins 5-4 Sergio Aguero outpaces the Trusted defence and smashes home.
64 mins 5-5 Rooney wrong-foots the keeper from another free-kick.
70 mins 6-5 Ji-Sung Park, who's only been on the pitch one minute, gets in on the act.
82 mins 6-6 Rooney makes no mistake from the penalty spot to complete his hat-trick.
90 mins 7-6 The pick of the goals. Dzeko finds the 'postage stamp' from 20 yards.
90 mins 8-6 A Huth clean sheet means Trusted can relax.
90 mins 9-6 Richard Stearman's clean is the final action of a truly pulsating match.

After the match successful manager Beef said: "I knew I would need a lot of contributions to beat Clive as I now think he now has the strongest first eleven there is in the WSFFL."

Clive was reeling from being involved in such a match: "What an unbelievable game. I'm sure it's got to be a new entry in the record books! And not the first time that TBM have scored nine past me!!!!"

CFJs manager Chris couldn't believe what he'd seen either: "FFS! You can't score 6 & still lose by 3! That's mad! Unlucky Clive."

Sunday 28 August 2011

Week 3 Results

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans
Athletico Phoenix 3 v 1 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 1 Final Fantasy XI
Real Muppets 0 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
San Dimas High School 3 v 3 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Cheese Makers 0 v 0 York’s Returning Glory
The Dead Parrots 1 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Trusted By Millions 9 v 6 Claymore Athletic FC

Trusted send a message to the league who must be thinking about dialling 999. Beef's team made it nine points out of nine by sticking nine past week one leaders Claymore who scored six themselves. I think this must be the highest-scoring match in WSFFL history (unless anyone knows different) and probably deserves a report of its own (now there's an idea!). I'll keep it short here by saying that Edin Dzeko scored four for Trusted (his fourth is a thing of beauty if you haven't seen it), Wayne Rooney hit three for Claymore and both teams 'keepers saved penalties. Trusted can safely be called title favourites on this form, Claymore have scored 13 times this season yet find themselves with only three points and a minus goal difference! The Cheese Makers and York's are both still unbeaten as they played out a goalless draw. Both teams probably need more up front (Matthew dropped Franco Di Santo who promptly scored twice for the 'reserves') so a draw suits both teams at this stage of the season.

The Fabulous Artisans are up to third after beating the Aardvarks and adding to the current gloom over the Rosebery Bowl. Ben's team bounced back from last week's defeat to San Dimas led by two exquisitely curled efforts from Ashley Young. The second came a minute after Ady's side had pulled the game back to 1-2 through Ryan Shotton and effectively finished the game off. The CFJs are unbeaten too but thought they had another three points in the bag through Clint Dempsey's header on 88 minutes but an Emerson Boyce clean for the Parrots keeps Dean's team in the top half.

Our reigning champions are still unbeaten too but a second draw sees them four points behind our leaders. Two goals in a second-half minute through Nani and Younes Kaboul put Fred 3-1 up and surely last year's team would have closed this game out but Neil Taylor and Maynor Figueroa got cleans to grab a point for San Dimas. Last year's runners-up have yet to pick up a win and are now bottom. Robin van Persie put Athletico Phoenix ahead from close range on 74 minutes but in the next ten minutes Brian had Carl Jenkinson sent off and saw Frank Lampard equalise for Sheriff from the spot. Boston Rock were unable to break down the ten men and Ivan Klasnic (who has one of the best goals per minute records in the Premier League) swept Brian back in front in injury time and summer signing Phil Neville added a clean to complete the Phoenix' first win of the campaign.

Nil Satis were also first-time winners and also left it late. Mikel Arteta struck from the spot as the game drew to a close and John O'Shea doubled the advantage with a clean. Real Muppets have made a stuttering start too. There will be a few teams looking at the September transfer list and wondering how they can improve their squad. We'll end with the Okus Derby which finished level. Mega Bucks struck through Charlie Adam early in the second half but the sending off of 'keeper John Ruddy gave Ceri the advantage for the last ten minutes and an Angel Rangel clean meant it's honours even in the Bevan household for a while at least.

Monday 22 August 2011

Week 2 Results

Two wins out of two for Trusted and the Cheese Makers.

Week one rearranged fixture

Aardvark Abacus 2 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

A dreary season-opener for these two enlivened by ten second half minutes which saw Aardvark debutant Emmanuel Frimpong sent off and then the only goal of the game. A Nil Satis clearance hit Aaron Ramsey and looped into his own goal. Phil Jagielka picked up a clean to give the ten men the win. Paul has seen his chairman to say he might not make the top ten this year.

League Week 2

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 4 The Dead Parrots
Final Fantasy XI 2 v 3 Real Muppets
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 1 Athletico Phoenix
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 3 The Cheese Makers
The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 3 Mega Buck Bandits
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 3 San Dimas High School
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 3 Trusted By Millions

An Apology: Last week you may have got the impression that Claymore were going to run away with the league on the back of goal sensations Rooney and Aguero this season. The co-ordinator would like to apologise if last week's report was interpreted by anyone in that way but can not be held responsible for any embarrassment or losses that may have caused. The biggest embarrassing loss was Clive's who trailed to goals from Gareth Barry (Ray Wilkins said he hit his shot with a bit of 'swazz') and Kevin Davies. That man Rooney pulled one back but Dean's team weren't finished with Kenwyne Jones adding a goal and Emerson Boyce a clean to put a one-sided look on the score. Our new leaders are Trusted who scored goals either side of half time from Kevin Doyle and Edin Dzeko to get a foothold in their game against Boston Rock. Sheriff was given hope by Darren Bent midway through the second half but Jamie Carragher's clean was the clincher for Beef.

Matthew's Cheese Makers are up to second after adding to Nil Satis' woes. Another Aaron Ramsey own goal (!) and cleans from Tim Krul and Danny Simpson proving far too good for Paul's struggling team. If the new boys in second is a surprise how about the start by York's? Julian's team picked up a goalless draw with Aardvark Abacus who struggled with the two games in a week commitment.

A topsy-turvy six-goal thriller ended with the CFJs and Mega Bucks sharing the spoils. Chris led three times, including a 90th-minute goal from Luis Suarez but Dave levelled each time through Matt Jarvis, a John Ruddy saved penalty and finally an Antolin Alcaraz clean. Defending champions Fred picked up their first win when edging out Athletico Phoenix. Danny Welbeck scored what proved to be the winner on the hour with a glanced header past Brad Friedel. Ben Watson had a chance to level the match from the spot 12 minutes later but couldn't convert.

The Fabulous Artisans were an up and down team last season and it looks like Ben hasn't found the answer to that in the summer. His team surrendered meekly to San Dimas who picked up their first win thanks to three clean sheets. The Muppets also notched their first victory of the season with late goals from Anderson and Florent Malouda giving him a 3-1 lead and rendering a clean from Gary Caldwell scant consolation for Ceri.

Friday 19 August 2011

Makers first movers

Cheese Makers boss Matthew has made his first forays into the WSFFL transfer market.

The league's newest manager has his feet firmly under the table and has brought Nathan Dyer and Nigel Reo-Coker into his midfield.

Elliott Bennett, a youngster signed by the caretaker regime, is the man who makes way.

Mega Exits

After being on the wrong end of a 6-2 beating last week Mega Buck Bandits manager Dave has seen three players leave his team.

The long-running Cesc Fabregas saga has ended with the Spaniard returning to his home-town club in a deal worth nearly £30m. Fabregas scored 12 times in 2009/10 but injury and distraction meant he only found the net three times in the last campaign.

Also leaving is Robbie Keane who has retired...I mean joined LA Galaxy for £3.5m. The Irish striker made his name at Aardvark Abacus but was thrown a WSFFL lifeline by Mega Bucks last year when he left Ady's club. Keane scored just once last season so Dave was happy to move him on.

Lastly, Mega Bucks have been unable to come to an agreement with John Mensah for an extension to his contract so the disappointing Ghanaian has left the club.

Monday 15 August 2011

Week 1 Results

A great start for Claymore and their record signing...

Aardvark Abacus v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (postponed)
Athletico Phoenix 1 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 1 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 6 Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets 1 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
San Dimas High School 0 v 2 York’s Returning Glory
The Cheese Makers 2 v 1 Final Fantasy XI
The Dead Parrots 1 v 3 Trusted By Millions

Fred's double over Boston Rock went a long way to clinching the Gardeners first title last season so we couldn't underestimate the importance of this week one match.  This time it was honours even with David Silva's goal for Fred equalised by a Micah Richards clean. The real story here though could be injuries to key defenders (Vidic, Ferdinand) of both sides. Claymore Athletic are our first leaders of the season. Wayne Rooney looked like stealing the show with a first-half performance showing him back to his best but Mega Bucks had levelled the game for the second time with a superb Ward volley just after half-time. Enter Clive's record signing Sergio Aguero to score twice and lead his team to a comfortable win. It was a great performance from the newcomer that has the league buzzing. Could the Rooney/Aguero partnership make Claymore contenders?

I don't think Trusted will need too much help winning matches this season but Danny Gabbidon poked one into his net to put the Parrots 3-0 down after strikes from Cahill and Dzeko to end any chance of an opening day point for Dean. San Dimas threw in the lamest performance this week and were deservedly beaten by York's. Phillippe Senderos notched a clean against his old club to add to one from Luke Young in a stroll for Julian's team. The San Dimas fans booed their team off and urged their manager to make a big signing before the window closes.

The Cheese Makers started their WSFFL life with a win. Matthew's team trailed to a spectacular Seb Larsson far-post volley but clean sheets from Hangeland and Simpson turned things round. Clean sheets were also the order of the day for the Artisans. Ben Watson's confident first-half penalty put the Phoenix ahead but Ben's team kept Robin van Persie quiet and won the game through Gibbs and Collins.

Real Muppets were unable to strengthen their squad this summer and the CFJs took advantage. Luis Suarez had already blazed a penalty over before he scored and Mauro Formica scored his first WSFFL to put his side 2-0 ahead on 20 minutes. Joleon Lescott scored a clean for Ryan but it wasn't enough to deny Chris's team. The Aardvarks turned up ready to play but Nil Satis were prevented from attending due to riot damage. Last word goes to Aardvarks boss Ady: " The truly damaging effects of the weeks rioting are only now becoming clear.  I wont let those hapless hoodies affect Aardvark Abacus."

Saturday 13 August 2011

Transfer Activity Latest

The moves keep coming...

Claymore Athletic Chief Scout Ivor Gudeye has identified Paul Pogba and Craig Dawson as excellent prospects so Clive has moved quickly to sign them.

The Dead Parrots have added Luke Moore to their attacking options.

In the run up to the Big Kick-off there are a few moves to report...

Saturday: Neil Taylor to San Dimas, Souleymane Coulibaly to the Dead Parrots, Ritchie De Laet to the CFJs.

Friday: Ricardo Fuller to York's, Costel Pantilimon joins the CFJs and Kaspars Gorkss signs for Final Fantasy.

Friday 12 August 2011

WSFFL Top Transfer Fees Paid (updated Sep 2024)

The league's biggest deals...

£70m - Erling Haaland to Real Muppets (Jul 2022)
£62m - Josko Gvardiol to San Dimas High School (Sep 2023)
£62m - Darwin Nunez to Markian United (Jul 2022)
£60m - Timo Werner to Stanley Athletic FC (Sep 2020)
£58m - Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang to Mega Buck Bandits (Feb 2018)
£51m - Rasmus Hojland to Claymore Athletic FC (Sep 2023)
£50m - Nicolas Jackson to Fabulous Artisans (Aug 2023)
£50m - Jadon Sancho to San Dimas High School (Aug 2021)
£48m - Kai Havertz to Stanley Athletic FC (Sep 2020)
£48m - Nicolas Pepe to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2019)
£46m - Joao Felix to Fabulous Artisans (Sep 2024)
£45m - Ricardo Calafiori to Fabulous Artisans (Aug 2024)
£45m - Moise Kean to Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (Aug 2019)
£41m - Alexander Isak to Trusted By Millions (Sep 2022)

£40m - Enzo Fernandez to Stanley and Gracie United from Markian United (Aug 2023)
£40m - Romelu Lukaku to Wheel Madrid (Sep 2021)
£40m - Patson Daka to Real Muppets (Aug 2021)
£38m - Leny Yoro to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2024)
£37m - Raphael Varane to Wheel Madrid (Sep 2021)
£37m - Sebastian Haller to Real Muppets (Aug 2019)
£36m - Alvaro Morata to The Cow-Faced Juniors (Aug 2017)
£35m - Joshua Zirkzee to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2024)
£35m - Alexandre Lacazette to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2017)
£34m - Beto to Trusted By Millions (Sep 2023)
£33m - Wilson Odobert to Markian United (Sep 2024)
£32m - Gonzalo Higuain to Athletico Phoenix (Feb 2019)
£31m - Raheem Sterling to The Fabulous Artisans (Jul 2022)
£31m - Fernando Torres to Fred West LG XI (Feb 2011)
£30m - Mohammed Kudus to The Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2023)

£29m - Hakim Ziyech to Claymore Athletic FC (Sep 2020)
£29m - Donny van de Beek to Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (Sep 2020)
£29m - Bruno Fernandes to Fred West LG XI (Feb 2020)
£29m - Sergio Aguero to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2011)
£29m - Gylfi Sigurdsson to Markian Utd (Sep 2017)
£28m - Cole Palmer to Trusted By Millions (Sep 2023)
£28m - Axel Disasi to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2023)
£28m - Kepa Arrizabalaga to The Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2018)
£28m - Didier Drogba to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2004)
£27m - Kalidou Koulibaly to Fred West LG XI (Jul 2022)
£27m - Alexis Sanchez to The Cow-Faced Juniors (Aug 2014)
£27m - Mario Balotelli to The Fabulous Artisans (Sep 2011)
£26m - James Ward-Prowse to San Dimas High School (Sep 2023)
£26m - Andre Onana to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2023)
£26m - Luis Diaz to Trusted By Millions (Feb 2022)
£26m - Ollie Watkins to Aardvark Abacus (Oct 2020)
£26m - Diego Costa to Athletico Phoenix (Aug 2014)
£26m - Kevin De Bruyne to Real Muppets (Sep 2015)
£26m - Miguel Almiron to Cow-Faced Juniors (Feb 2019)
£25.5m - David De Gea to Trusted By Millions (Aug 2011)
£25m - Noussair Mazraoui to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2024)
£25m - Mattias De Ligt to The Fabulous Artisans (Sep 2024)
£25m - Savinho to San Dimas High School (Aug 2024)
£25m - Antony to Mega Buck Bandits (Sep 2022)
£25m - Leon Bailey to Wheel Madrid (Aug 2021)
£25m - Ivan Toney to The Wateringhole Society (Aug 2021)
£25m - Ruben Dias to The Wateringhole Society (Oct 2020)
£25m - Joao Cancelo to San Dimas High School (Aug 2019)
£25m - Teemu Pukki to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2019)
£25m - Aymeric Laporte to Cow-Faced Juniors (Feb 2018)
£25m - Mesut Ozil to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2013)
£25m - Luis Suarez to Cow-Faced Juniors (Feb 2011)

£24m - Micky van de Ven to Aardvark Abacus (Sep 2023)
£24m - Oleksandr Zinchenko to Markian United (Sep 2022)
£24m - Gianluca Scamacca to Wheel Madrid (Jul 2022)
£24m - Timothy Castegne to Fred West LG XI (Sep 2020)
£23.5m - Juan Mata to The Cheese Makers (Sep 2011)
£23m - Giorgi Mamardashvili to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2024)
£23m - Nathan Ake to Mega Buck Bandits (Sep 2020)
£23m - Kieran Tierney to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2019)
£23m - Lucas Moura to Fred West LG XI (Feb 2018)
£23m - Roberto Soldado to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2013)
£22m - Evanilson to Mega Buck Bandits (Sep 2024)
£22m - Robert Sanchez to Stanley and Gracie United from Cheese Makers (Aug 2023)
£22m - Sergio Reguilon to The Wateringhole Society (Oct 2020)
£22m - Steven Bergwijn to Markian Utd (Feb 2020)
£22m - Fernando Morientes to Real Muppets (Jan 2005)
£22m - Eden Hazard to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2012)
£22m - John Stones to Claymore (Sep 2016)
£21.6m - Hernan Crespo to Claymore (Aug 2003)
£21.5m - Sebastian Coates to Aardvark Abacus (Sep 2011)
£21m - Jake O'Brien to Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (Aug 2024)
£21m - Adam Armstrong to The Fabulous Artisans (Sep 2021)
£21m - Patrick Cutrone to Claymore Athletic FC (Aug 2019)
£21m - Virgil van Dijk to Athletico Phoenix (Feb 2018)
£21m - Anthony Martial to Athletico Phoenix (Sep 2015)
£21m - Radamel Falcao to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2014)
£20.5m - Cody Gakpo to The Wateringhole Society (Feb 2023)
£20.5m - Sandro Ramirez to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2017)
£20.5m - Manolo Gabbiadini to The Wateringhole Society (Feb 2017)
£20.5m - Lukas Podolski to Aardvark Abacus (Aug 2012) 
£20m - Mason Mount to San Dimas High School (Aug 2023)
£20m - Jurrien Timber to Real Muppets (Aug 2023)
£20m - Mikhailo Mudryk to The Wateringhole Society (Feb 2023)
£20m - Gabriel Magalhaes to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2020)
£20m - Ruud van Nistelrooy to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2001)
£20m - Dimitar Berbatov to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2006)
£20m - Thomas Vermaelen to Real Muppets (Aug 2009)
£20m - Edin Dzeko to Trusted By Millions (Feb 2011)
£20m - Willian to Cow-Faced Juniors (Sep 2013)
£20m - Mario Balotelli to Real Muppets (Sep 2014)
£20m - Memphis Depay to Artisans (Jul 2015)
£20m - Kasper Schmeichel to Claymore Athletic FC from Trusted By Millions (Aug 2016)
£20m - Serge Aurier to Claymore Athletic (Sep 2017)
£20m - Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain to Mega Buck Bandits (Sep 2017)
£20m - Aaron Wan-Bissaka to Fred West LG XI (Aug 2019)
£20m - Wesley to Wheel Madrid (Aug 2019)