Final Fantasy XI 2 v 0 Trusted By Millions
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 5 Athletico Phoenix
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets 3 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
San Dimas High School 1 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
The Cheese Makers 4 v 0 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 1 The Dead Parrots
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 YTFIB
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | Diff | Pts | |
| 1 | The Cow-Faced Juniors | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 7 | 1 | 6 | 6 |
| 2 | Final Fantasy XI | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 6 |
| 3 | The Fabulous Artisans | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 6 |
| 4 | Claymore Athletic FC | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 6 |
| 5 | Real Muppets | 2 | 2 | 0 | 0 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 6 |
| 6 | Aardvark Abacus | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 1 | 4 | 3 |
| 7 | You Know Your Boston Rock FC | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 8 | 5 | 3 | 3 |
| 8 | Athletico Phoenix | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 3 |
| 9 | The Cheese Makers | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 3 |
| 10 | San Dimas High School | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 3 |
| 11 | The Dead Parrots | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 3 |
| 12 | Mega Buck Bandits | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 4 | -3 | 0 |
| 13 | Trusted By Millions | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 0 | 4 | -4 | 0 |
| 14 | Nil Satis Nisi Optimum | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 8 | -6 | 0 |
| 15 | Fred West Landscape Gardening XI | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 10 | -8 | 0 |
| 16 | YTFIB | 2 | 0 | 0 | 2 | 1 | 11 | -10 | 0 |
I'll start with our new leaders. The CFJs finished best of all last season with seven straight wins and have carried that form into this campaign. Chris' team fell behind to a close range Damien Duff shot for the Parrots on three minutes but Michu latched on to a defensive error to square the game on the half hour. The winner came from one of last year's CFJ heroes, Danny Graham forcing in from six yards. If it's no surprise that the CFJs are top then you might have to look twice to make sure it's Final Fantasy's name in second. After seeing off the Cheese Makers last week Ceri's team followed up with a win over last season's runners-up. Final Fantasy were ahead on 20 minutes when Angel Rangel's cross-shot was blundered in by the Trusted 'keeper and Yaya Toure doubled the mead on 63 minutes after being left alone in the Trusted six yard box. Beef's team are the only one without a goal to their name this season.
The Artisans had a good tilt at the title last term and Ben is off and running again this year. His team are third after a comfortable 3-0 win over YTFIB, Martin Skrtel's unstoppable header being added to by cleans from Asmir Begovic and Kieran Gibbs. Julian has added Danny Simpson from The Cheese Makers for £6m to try to plug his leaky defence. Claymore Athletic, our reigning champions, are in the 100% club too. It was a couple of cleans, from Branislav Ivanovic and transfer-listed Jose Bosingwa, that gave Clive the win at Mega Bucks but the boss will be concerned that Wayne Rooney has joined Sergio Aguero in the treatment room. He would be without both of them until week five at the earliest.
The last of our two out of two teams are the Muppets. Ryan's team trailed twice to Nil Satis and had a man sent off for the second week running but a debut goal from Shinji Kagawa and a Carlos Tevez effort with 10 minutes left set up Ashley Cole for the winning clean. Tevez is looking like the player who was the league's top-scoring striker for two years running. Aardvark Abacus are sixth after Ady's team were edged out 1-0 by San Dimas. The only goal came just before the break from a towering back-post header from 5ft 8in Rafael. Despite this win my team dropped a place in the table. Work that out! Has this game got it in for me or what?
I'm sure Sheriff wasn't getting carried away but our week one leaders are down to seventh after a crushing 4-0 defeat at Rock Gardens, the new home of the Cheese Makers. Matthew's team opened the scoring with Marouane Fellaini's header and Franci di Santo and Benoit Assou-Ekotto added rare strikes before Andy Wilkinson finished things with a clean. Fred's been having a bit of a sort-out with his team but he's still got work to do judging by his second straight heavy defeat. The game against Athletico Phoenix was level at the break. Robin van Persie had opened his season's account and Bobby Zamora had made it two for the Phoenix while top buy at the August auction Eden Hazard an Fernando Torres had replied for Fred. The game turned on Nemanja Vidic's flukey, flying heeled own goal on 64 minutes and Brian cruised to victory from there.
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