Week One Results - Statement win for Muppets

Aardvark Abacus 0 v 3 Wheel Madrid

Cheese Makers 1 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

Markian United 1 v 2 Stanley and Gracie United

Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 0 Trusted By Millions

Real Muppets 5 v 0 San Dimas High School

The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 3 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

YTFIB 0 v 3 The Wateringhole Society

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Real Muppets	1	1	0	0	5	0	5	3
2	The Wateringhole Society	1	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
3	Wheel Madrid	1	1	0	0	3	0	3	3
4	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	1	1	0	0	3	1	2	3
5	Claymore Athletic FC	1	1	0	0	3	1	2	3
6	Stanley and Gracie United	1	1	0	0	2	1	1	3
7	The Cow-Faced Juniors	1	1	0	0	2	1	1	3
8	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	1
9	Trusted By Millions	1	0	1	0	0	0	0	1
10	Markian United	1	0	0	1	1	2	-1	0
11	Mega Buck Bandits	1	0	0	1	1	2	-1	0
12	The Fabulous Artisans	1	0	0	1	1	3	-2	0
13	Cheese Makers	1	0	0	1	1	3	-2	0
14	YTFIB	1	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
15	Aardvark Abacus	1	0	0	1	0	3	-3	0
16	San Dimas High School	1	0	0	1	0	5	-5	0

Well, that’s what £70m buys you! Ryan takes the early top spot (his first time on the summit since midway through the 2017/18 season) with a 5-0 win over San Dimas. Erling Haaland took just 36 minutes to open his WSFFL account from the spot and added a cool finish in the second half to double the lead. Cleans from Reece James and new signings Kalidou Koulibaly and Pascal Struijk sent my team away with their tails between their legs. Last year’s champions are second on goal difference. The Wateringhole Society have ‘done a Leicester’ and not signed anybody yet this summer but last year’s heroes saw off YTFIB 3-0. Goalless at the hour mark, Ivan Toney put Kiran’s team ahead on 62 minutes and Dejan Kulusevski scored from eight yards a minute later. Ruben Dias finished things with a clean.

Wheel Madrid also won 3-0, against the Aardvarks. Jorginho opened the scoring with a penalty deep in first half injury-time, Callum Wilson doubled the lead with a clever outside of the foot finish and the evergreen Thiago Silva added a clean sheet. After a poor season last time Fred has made a good start. His team won 3-1 at last year’s runners-up the Artisans. Gabriel Martinelli’s header gave the Gardeners a 1-0 half-time lead and it was an unlucky Alexis Mac Allister goal that made it 2-0. Mohamed Salah got the third from close range before Ben mustered a Kyle Walker clean in reply.

Claymore scored the quickest goal of the opening weekend, Daniel Podence half-volleying in off the bar to open the scoring at Cheese Makers. Matthew’s team levelled with a stooping Eric Dier header but Aleksandr Mitrovic was Clive’s hero with a towering header and a penalty to round out a 3-1 win. The newly-renamed Stanley and Gracie United opened with a 2-1 victory at Markian. James Ward-Prowse volleyed Aaron ahead on 12 minutes but £62m Darwin Nunez got Ian back on terms just after the hour. Fit-again Kieran Trippier got the clean sheet to give SGU all the points.

The Cow-Faced Juniors came from behind to win 2-1 at Mega Bucks. Rayan Ait-Nouri steered into his own net to give Dave the lead with 16 minutes left but Kiefer Moore levelled six minutes later and Gabriel got the clean that decided the game in the Cows’ favour. There was one draw in week one. Nil Satis and Trusted played out a 0-0 where nothing of any note happened.