2023/24 Week Five Results - Top four all win

Aardvark Abacus 5 v 3 Stanley and Gracie United 

Mega Buck Bandits 3 v 1 Trusted By Millions 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC 

Real Muppets 5 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 v 3 San Dimas High School

The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 Cheese Makers

The Wateringhole Society 3 v 1 Markian United 

YTFIB 2 v 1 Wheel Madrid

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Fabulous Artisans	5	5	0	0	19	6	13	15
2	Aardvark Abacus	5	4	0	1	16	7	9	12
3	The Wateringhole Society	5	3	1	1	13	9	4	10
4	Mega Buck Bandits	5	3	1	1	11	7	4	10
5	Claymore Athletic FC	5	3	0	2	10	9	1	9
6	YTFIB	5	2	2	1	10	9	1	8
7	Real Muppets	5	2	1	2	12	11	1	7
8	Trusted By Millions	5	2	1	2	10	9	1	7
9	Cheese Makers	5	2	1	2	10	12	-2	7
10	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	5	2	1	2	10	13	-3	7
11	San Dimas High School	5	2	0	3	9	10	-1	6
12	Stanley and Gracie United	5	2	0	3	9	12	-3	6
13	Markian United	5	2	0	3	7	11	-4	6
14	Wheel Madrid	5	1	0	4	9	13	-4	3
15	The Cow-Faced Juniors	5	1	0	4	7	13	-6	3
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	5	0	0	5	3	14	-11	0

Ben might be out of the PCMT but it’s five out of five for his team in the league. It was clean sheets from Marc Guehi, Kyle Walker and Diogo Dalot that gave him a 3-0 win over Cheese Makers. The Aardvarks stay three points behind after a 5-3 win over SGU. Sean Longstaff’s opener was soon equalised by Dominic Solanke but two from Son Heung-Min made it 3-1 before an early Kieran Trippier clean kept Aaron in touch. Goals from Ollie Watkins and Diogo Jota helped Ady finally shrug off the SGU challenge.

The Wateringhole stay third after a 3-1 victory over Markian. Goals from Pedro Neto and Bukayo Saka from the spot in the ten minutes after half-time had Kiran in control but Ian found a quick reply from Darwin Nunez. Ezra Konsa’s clean proved the decider. Dave must be getting vertigo in fourth after a 3-2 win over Trusted. Beef’s team seemed set for all three points when Alexander Isak put him 2-1 up with three minutes left but cleans from Nathan Ake and Tim Ream turned it round for the Bandits.

Claymore raced into a 2-0 lead against Nil Satis inside half an hour courtesy of goals from Abdoulaye Doucoure and Matthias Jensen but Paul’s team were back in touch before half-time through Sven Botman’s header. After a quieter second half a Matty Cash clean was the clincher for Clive. Julian must also be feeling like he’s in nosebleed territory after a 2-1 win over Wheels sees him in sixth. Cleans from Nick Pope and Joel Ward gave Julian the points after Callum Wilson had Paul W ahead.

The Muppets built on their PCMT win by beating Fred 5-2. A frantic start here saw three goals in 16 minutes. Phil Foden and Erling Haaland for Ryan, Mo Salah’s penalty for Fred. Cristian Romero’s unlucky own goal made it 3-1 ten minutes later but a Bruno Fernandes stunner sent the game in 3-2 at the break. The Muppets finished it in the second half thanks to a James Tarkowski goal and Emerson clean. My defence did the business to give me a 3-1 win at the CFJs. Dan Burn headed me in front and cleans from Victor Lindelof and Tyrick Mitchell saw me leave Drove stadium with the points after Miguel Almiron had equalised for the Cows.

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round results

Cheese Makers 3 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 3 The Wateringhole Society 

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 Stanley and Gracie United 

Real Muppets 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans

San Dimas High School 1 v 2 Aardvark Abacus 

Wheel Madrid 2 v 0 Markian United 

YTFIB 2 v 1 Trusted By Millions

Replay

The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 3 Real Muppets

The top tie of the round the only one to go to a replay. The league leaders and the holders will have to go again this weekend after a 2-2 draw. Gustavo Hamer (for Ben) and Hannibal (for Ryan) both opened their WSFFL accounts in the 73rd minute. Erling Haaland looked to have won the game for the holders four minutes from time but Kenny Tete’s clean earned Ben a replay.

Last year’s runners-up are safely through. If you can’t remember it’s YTFIB who beat Trusted 2-1. A return to form for Nick Pope here with the winning clean.

Kiran has been managing since the summer of 2015 and won the league of course but rather surprisingly this is his first PCMT win. A comfortable one as well with second half goals from Cody Gakpo, Dejan Kulusevski and a clean from William Saliba beating Mega Bucks 3-0.

A late, late show from Cheese Makers gave them a 3-0 win against Fred. Andy Robertson on 85 minutes, Douglas Luiz from the spot deep in injury time and a David Raya clean getting the job done. Matthew has never made it past the quarter-finals - is this his best chance yet?

It’s a fifth straight first round exit for me. Haven’t won a game since I won it in 2018/19. Still at least I get the chance to retain the Charity Shield after Ady did me 2-1. A debut goal from James Ward-Prowse for me overturned by Aardvark cleans from Ben White and Axel Disasi.

The Charity Shield is still missing from Claymore’s honours list but Clive will get another go this season after going down to the CFJs 2-0. Danny Welbeck and Odsonne Edouard netted for the Cows.

There was a debut goal for Nil Satis’ Jeremy Doku but he finished on the losing side to Stanley and Gracie United. Aaron’s team turned it round after the break with a Pascal Gross goal and Kieran Trippier clean to win 2-1.

The never-predictable Wheel Madrid have made the semi-finals of this twice and beat Markian 2-0 to start another cup run. Callum Wilson and the latest goal of the week (90+11!) from Leon Bailey saw Paul’s team home 2-0.

Replay

The Muppets inflict Ben’s first defeat of the season. Phil Foden and Erling Haaland had Ryan two up in fourteen minutes, James Tarkowski made it three-nil on 67 minutes and Ben’s clean sheet replies from Marc Guehi and Kyle Walker weren’t enough to force a second replay.

2023/24 Week Four Results - Artisans March On

Cheese Makers 3 v  3 Real Muppets

Claymore Athletic FC 3 v 5 The Fabulous Artisans

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 2 YTFIB

Markian United 0 v 5 Aardvark Abacus

San Dimas High School 2 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

Stanley and Gracie United 2 v 3 The Cow-Faced Juniors

Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 The Wateringhole Society

Wheel Madrid 2 v 3 Mega Buck Bandits

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Fabulous Artisans	4	4	0	0	16	6	10	12
2	Aardvark Abacus	4	3	0	1	11	4	7	9
3	Mega Buck Bandits	4	2	1	1	8	5	3	7
4	The Wateringhole Society	4	2	1	1	10	8	2	7
5	Trusted By Millions	4	2	1	1	8	6	2	7
6	Cheese Makers	4	2	1	1	10	9	1	7
7	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	4	2	1	1	8	8	0	7
8	Claymore Athletic FC	4	2	0	2	7	8	-1	6
9	Markian United	4	2	0	2	6	8	-2	6
10	Stanley and Gracie United	4	2	0	2	6	7	-1	6
11	YTFIB	4	1	2	1	8	8	0	5
12	Real Muppets	4	1	1	2	7	9	-2	4
13	Wheel Madrid	4	1	0	3	8	11	-3	3
14	San Dimas High School	4	1	0	3	6	9	-3	3
15	The Cow-Faced Juniors	4	1	0	3	6	10	-4	3
16	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	4	0	0	4	2	11	-9	0

 

The Artisans will go into the international break on top of the table, with a perfect record and with an average of five counters a game. Nice work if you can get it! Ben’s team were given a fright at Claymore, going two down inside a quarter of an hour but Matty Cash, Clive’s star last week, scored an own goal and Martin Odegaard and Jarrod Bowen had the Artisans in front by the break. New signing Kurt Zouma made it 4-2 on debut late on and though Matheus Cunha pulled one back in injury time a Billy Gilmour clean restored the two goal advantage.

From eight teams three points behind the leaders last week to just one this week, the Aardvarks. Ady’s team demolished Markian 4-0 courtesy of a Son Heung-Min hat-trick and a late strike from Josh Brownhill. We do have five teams on seven points though, headed up by Mega Bucks. Dave’s team had a right ding-dong with Wheel Madrid being pegged back twice, including in injury time thanks to Callum Wilson. Declan Rice’s deflected shot even deeper in injury time saw Dave take all three points. The Wateringhole Society let a two goal lead slip at Trusted and are fourth, one place above Beef’s team. Marcus Rashford and Arnaut Danjuma had Kiran’s team in command but an early Trent Alexander-Arnold clean upped the pressure and Gabriel Jesus broke away to level the game 11 (eleven) minutes into Injury time.

Beef is the only person in the top six without the surname Warr or Bevan as Matthew is in sixth place after a 3-3 draw with the Muppets. Matthew will be sick of the sight of the Norwegian who also scored three against him in the PCMT last season but will be delighted that his team grabbed a point thanks to Andy Robertson’s clean. The champions also lost ground after a 2-2 draw with YTFIB. All was well in Fred-world after an excellent Cristian Romero strike on half-time and Mohamed Salah’s close range finish ten minutes later had him two up. Hwang Hee-Chan pulled one back for Julian and Joe Gomez got the equalising clean for YTFIB.

San Dimas opened their account for the season with a 2-1 win over Nil Satis. Goals for Anthony Elanga (for me) and an emotional strike for David Brooks (for Paul) looked to have ended the game as a draw but Matt Turner picked up the winning clean for my first points of the season. The CFJs are also off zero after beating SGU 3-2. First half goals for Dominik Szoboszlai (I hope he doesn’t get many!) and Dominic Solanke had Aaron’s team in control by the half hour mark but the Cows turned it round after the break with two goals from Odsonne Edouard and one from Eberi Eze sent Chris away with the points.