Manager of the Month

September's award goes to Ady Bevan of Aardvark Abacus. They were the only team with a 100% record in September.

Curious stat while I'm passing - Claymore Athletic FC have played eight games this season, they have drawn six of them 2-2.

If I'm spotting things like that I probably need a holiday - oh, that's right, I'm going one one!

See you in a couple of weeks,

The Co-ordinator

Week 5 Results

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots 1 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 6 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 0 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Real Muppets 4 v 0 Trusted By Millions
San Dimas High School 0 v 1 22 Legged Groove Machine
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 v 1 Dynamo Kev

Aardvark's lead by two points from the Groovers.

This week's transfers

You Know Your Boston Rock FC put Chris Samba up for sale on Monday and he is now a Cow-Faced Junior. Chris paid £2m for his services and sold Giorgios Samaras to Celtic to make room for his new addition.

You'll be unsurprised to hear that Sheriff has signed a young English defender to take Samba's place. Gavin Hoyte moves from Arsenal to the Whitby Grove Enormodome.

The WSFFL scouts were busy in midweek. Real Muppets signed Fran Merida Perez from Arsenal and got Rodrigo Possebon to put pen to paper while still in his hospital bed. Lubomir Michalik and Michael Brown leave Ryan's squad.

The 22-Legged Groove Machine were also after Possebon but were two hours later than Ryan's ambulance chasers. Rich has to be satisfied with signing Herita Ilunga from West Ham. Holmar Orn Eyjolfsson is out of the Groovers six weeks or so after joining.

News from the new boy

Ben Warr, manager of WSFFL new boys The Fabulous Artisans, admits his man management skills are being sorely tested in the first few weeks of the new season.

"I think I may have made a mistake in signing Joey Barton" said Ben during a break in training at the Artisans' Town Gardens practice ground.

"He's already beaten up 3 other players, the first team coach, and a couple of passing schoolboys who he said were looking at him in a funny way. On top of which Michael Chopra has had to go back in to Rehab because Joey had him out on the town before Michael had even got changed following his brace of goals playing for Sunderland last week.

"And that's another thing" spouted the thrusting young manager, visibly getting up a head of steam, "every time I leave a player out of the side they seem to turn up playing for an EPL team and inevitably scoring goals left, right and centre.

"First Chris Brunt for WBA, then Mark Noble for West Ham and finally Michael for Sunderland. I've asked the chairman to take a look at their contracts but he just mumbled something about extortionate wage bills and having to make ends meet and he told me that I'd better not ask too many questions or I might find myself back on civvy street toot bloody sweet.

"All of these European sugar daddies around and we ended up with a cock-er-nee hod carrier who got lucky renting hovels to Eastern European prostitutes. I ask you!"

Ben then had to cut short the interview as Craig Bellamy had decided to lay into Darius Vassell for no apparent reason. It seems all is not well in the Artisans camp - best of luck Ben, you're going to need it!

Dynamo Kev - news from Gainsborough Avenue Stadium

Having slipped in their building schedule, Bodge-it & Scarper (Builders) have finally announced that the new Covingham Park Stadium is available from the 1st November.
Invitations to attend the House-warming party will be announced shortly . Everyone is welcome, with the exception of Mr Dean Watts Esquire, who may choose to remain in the Southern Hemisphere.

Team News - Dynamo Kev

Fabricio Coloccini knocked on my door this morning to offer his apologies at being a pants defender. Knowing that I had tracked, and subsequently bid for him at the recent auction, The Robert Plant doppelganger admitted that he was finding it hard to settle in England. He hadn't been able to purchase a decent washing machine, and was spending far too much time in Wooton Bassett High Street Laundromat attempting to launder his socks, which he said were too tight. I reminded him of the time that I washed the Kylies' playing kit and that seemed to cheer him up.

'Rocket and Robin' seemed to have left their shooting boots back in pre-season, although Van Persie did net last week against Claymore Athletic in the league, and Fred West in the League Cup. Santa Cruz blamed the arrival of his brother for his dismal performances. Nigel 'Hotshot' Reo-Coker is still celebrating his first goal for the club, and having contributed to Dynamo's POTW award in week 3, seems to have justified his re-signing from the pool recently. Pablo Zabaleta, the Argentinian defender born across the River Plate in view of the Fray Bentos factory, won Dynamo Kev's first win this week with an impressive clean-sheet. Asked if he actually liked corned-beef he said that he was a vegetarian and preferred Venezuelan-Beaver cheese instead.

There are injury worries on Michael Carrick, Samir Nasri, Jonas Gutierrez and Abou Diaby ahead of week 5's clash against an impressive YKYBR FC. The physios are doing what they can to get the wounded ready in time.

Kev Gunning - Dynamo Kev Supremo

Samba Surplus at Boston Rock

You Know Your Boston Rock manager David Rose has transfer-listed defender Christopher Samba.

Rose told the WSFFL co-ordinator: "I've informed him that he's not part of my first team plans and he's asked for a move. I'll listen to sensible offers for a regularly playing defender who provides a legitimate goal threat at set pieces."

Samba was a £500k signing in February 2007 replacing injury-prone defender Danny Gabbidon who's now at San Dimas High School.

'Big Chris' found the net twice last season and also added seven clean sheets in all competitions as Boston Rock won the PCMT and reached the FA Cup Final.

Week 4 Results

PCMT 1st Round 2nd Replay

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors

League Week 4

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 2 Real Muppets
Aardvark Abacus 1 v 0 Final Fantasy XI
Dynamo Kev 2 v 1 The Dead Parrots
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 v 1 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 0 San Dimas High School
Trusted By Millions 3 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Aardvark go two points clear at the top.

High School Musical Chairs

Injury-hit San Dimas High School have made some personnel changes ahead of this week's fixture against the Fabulous Artisans.

Out go Phil Bardsley, Nicky Featherstone and Tomasz Cwyka. The last two named can consider themselves especially unlucky as they had been earmarked as hot prospects for the future.

Into manager Paul Garratt's squad come defender Maynor Figueroa, midfielder Craig Gardner and attacker Mustapha Riga.

Whether any of these prove to be long-term fixtures or simply stopgaps remains to be seen.

WSFFL Week 4 Match of the Week Preview

The Week 4 Match of the Week sees the 22 Legged Groove Machine host Real Muppets.

The second-placed Groovers have won every match so far this season, all by a 2-1 margin. Nil Satis, the Artisans and Trusted have been defeated in the league, San Dimas were the victims in the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy.

Rich's team have shared the goals around and found the odd clean sheet in their victories so far. They'll need to be at their best as they face the team one place, and two points, behind them this weekend.

Real Muppets opened the season with an 8-2 demolition of Dynamo Kev, Gabriel Agbonlahor bagging WSFFL's first hat-trick of the season. The second match saw Ryan's XI scrape past Nil Satis with a Groovers like 2-1 performance.

The PCMT saw the Muppets first defeat of the campaign. A brave effort with a weakened team brought only a 3-0 defeat at York's. The hangover from that match was evident in week three of the league as the Muppets conceded a late clean sheet to draw with the Artisans.

Ryan could have last season's WSFFL Golden Boot Cristiano Ronaldo back in his line-up which will give his team a boost. The Groovers will bank on the majority of the expected 45,000+ crowd to encourage them to a fourth straight league victory.

San Dimas Delight at Terry Verdict

San Dimas High School manager Paul Garratt breathed a sigh of relief when it was announced that influential skipper John Terry had won his appeal against his red card.

Terry was controversially dismissed in the 1-1 draw against Nil Satis but the verdict means he will be available for the forthcoming matches against improving The Fabulous Artisans and the pace-setting 22 Legged Groove Machine.

San Dimas, who failed to strengthen at the transfer window auction, have already lost Michael Essien, Tuncay and Habib Beye to long-term injuries so could ill-afford losing a key player like Terry to suspension.

Schuster takes a pop at Trusted

Real Madrid head coach Bernd Schuster has made a sensational dig at Andy Perfitt's Trusted By Millions.

There's bad blood between the two camps after Robinho's shock £16m transfer from Madrid but Schuster made it quite clear he was unimpressed by the Brazilian's move.

The German told Spanish newspaper Marca: "We have to understand that his dream is to be a good player in a mediocre English team and we have to respect him".

Now Beef's team may not have made the best start to the season but it's a bit early to be labelling them mediocre!

This week's results

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round

Dynamo Kev 3 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
(Dynamo home to the Parrots in the quarters)

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round Replay

The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
(Chris and Clive try again next week)

League Week 3

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 1 Trusted By Millions
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 Dynamo Kev
The Dead Parrots 4 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 2 York’s Returning Glory
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
Real Muppets 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
San Dimas High School 1 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 4 v 5 Aardvark Abacus

(Aardvark and the Groovers are the last teams with 100% records)

The ones that got away

While this week's games were taking place the following players were banging them in for the 'reserves' and staking a claim for future selection.

Marlon King (2) - Cow-Faced Juniors
Roman Bednar - Cow-Faced Juniors
Mido - Trusted By Millions
James Morrison - Real Muppets
Chris Brunt - Fabulous Artisans
Mark Noble - Fabulous Artisans

Claymore Athletic FC Focus on Replay

After a thrilling 2-2 draw in the 1st round of the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy, Claymore Athletic FC will battle it out again with The Cow-Faced Juniors for the right to face York’s Returning Glory in the Quarter Finals. This will be the third time the two teams have met in as many game weeks. Previously drawing 2-2 (again) in the League. Claymore’s manager, Clive Fenwick, concedes that the game will be tough “the two teams are getting to know each other rather well” said the long-serving boss. “However, I am confident that we can pull it off (not sure what it is they intend to pull - editor) even with the injuries to key players. I believe our squad is strong enough to get a result”.

New signing, David Di Michele, is unlikely to feature, as he acclimatises to the great British weather. The 32 year old striker, signed from Torino on Monday, for £500,000, is expected to challenge Rooney, Owen and Alves for a starting place, in the not too distant future.

York's Get Dyer

York's Returning Glory have completed the signing of injury-prone midfielder Kieron Dyer for half a million pounds.

Dyer had been looking for a new club since leaving Nil Satis earlier this week and York's' manager Julian Winterburn has decided to give him a chance to relaunch his career.

Dyer's broken leg has kept him out of the game for over a year but he could prove a useful addition to last season's bottom-placed side if he regains the form that brought him 33 international caps.

England hero has eyes on San Dimas start

England's hat-trick hero Theo Walcott has set his sights on his next challenge - a regular place in the San Dimas High School starting line-up.

Walcott, 19, has had to be patient since joining 'The Saints' in February 2006, but he hopes his England performance has sent a message to his club manager Paul Garratt.

San Dimas boss Garratt is less sure that his £13m signing is ready for an extended run in the team. He said: "WSFFL is a squad game, Theo realises that. He has a part to play and will hopefully become a big player at this club in years to come.

"We've got a tough game against Nil Satis this weekend and I'll be picking a team to try to deliver three points. Whether that includes Theo - we'll have to wait and see."

Groovers smash transfer record

Rich Timms, manager of the unbeaten 22 Legged Groove Machine, smashed his team's transfer record at Monday's transfer window auction.

Tottenham Hotspur agreed to sell Roman Pavlyuchenko to the Groovers for £16m, £6m more than Rich's previous record holder Louis Saha. Saha was on the move himself, joining Nil Satis Nisi Optimum for £8m.

Big spenders of the night were Boston Rock who brought in over £30m worth of talent including top-priced Shaun Wright-Phillips for £17m.

Busiest manager was Kevin Gunning, the Dynamo Kev supremo. Kev brought in six players including Zabaleta, Coloccini, Degen and Rosicky and shipped out three.

San Dimas, Mega Bucks and Final Fantasy all left empty-handed.

PCMT Quarter-Final Draw

22-Legged Groove Machine v You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Aardvark Abacus v The Fabulous Artisans

York's Returning Glory v Claymore Athletic or The Cow-Faced Juniors

Dynamo Kev or Fred West Landscape Gardening XI v The Dead Parrots

Games to be played weekend of 4 October.