22 Legged Groove Machine striker Roman Pavlyuchenko has won a seat on a Russian regional council - but will not be ditching life at Birdbrook Road to take it up.
Standing as the sixth-listed candidate for Vladimir Putin's United Russia party, 66.33 per cent support for the party ensured Pavlyuchenko was elected in Stavropol krai, located in the far south west of Russia.
"Roman Pavlyuchenko is a source of pride to Stavropol," said Dmitriy Edelev, Stavropol parliament's United Russia leader.
"He leads a specialist Olympic Reserve School project in the region which is headed up by Duma speaker Boris Gryzlov, so the party representatives in the city decided to include him on the candidate list."
Deputy Pavyluchenko, as he's now obliged to be called, admitted he couldn't fully commit himself but promised to offer a "concrete contribution".
"Because of my profession it won't be easy for me to take part directly in the workings of the city council but I am ready to help with advice and with a concrete contribution to the development possibilities for exercise and sport," he said in the run-up to Sunday's election.
Pavlyuchenko's WSFFL manager, Rich Timms, sounded less than impressed when interviewed about the news on his record signing. "I've had a quiet word with young Pav and warned him about who pays his ****ing wages and to stop all this ****ing comrade bull****!
"It seems the only ****ing concrete contribution he making to the team at the moment is the ****ing concrete boots he appears to be ****ing wearing everytime he crosses that ****ing white line.
"If he doesn't ****ing sort himself out, tout-****ing-suite, and start ****ing banging them in to start paying back some of that ****ing huge fee that I coughed up, the only seat he can be sure of getting, is on my ****ing bench, in the ****ing stand or on the next ****ing plane back to Mother Russia!
"Whaddya mean I sound like ****ing Joe Kinnear? **** off!"
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