Michael Owen has been shown the door at Claymore Athletic FC. Claymore’s manager Clive Lucas-Fenwick (poncy name!) said, “Owen has been a disappointing flop at Claymore, especially over the last 18 months. I already have half a dozen ‘crap’ players, but their wages are not nearly as high as Owen’s”.
Clive added that he was “sick as a parrot, that Owen did not score for me. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say”.
In a parting gesture, Clive described Owen as “a nice boy"! Going on to say "unfortunately, he spends more time in the treatment room than the Physio", adding that "Owen will always be remembered for his most memorable moment in a Claymore shirt"!
Tuesday 31 August 2010
Sunday 29 August 2010
Paul Cartmell Memorial Cup First Round Results
Athletico Phoenix 0 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
Bassett Allsorts 0 v 3 Real Muppets
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 6 Fred West LG XI
San Dimas High School 1 v 4 The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots 3 v 0 The Cow-Faced Juniors
York's Returning Glory 1 v 3 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Boston Rock's latest defence of this trophy starts with a routine win.
Bassett Allsorts 0 v 3 Real Muppets
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 6 Fred West LG XI
San Dimas High School 1 v 4 The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots 3 v 0 The Cow-Faced Juniors
York's Returning Glory 1 v 3 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Boston Rock's latest defence of this trophy starts with a routine win.
Friday 27 August 2010
Woodgate Leaves Claymore
In a dramatic and some would say unjustifiable move, Claymore Athletic FC have dumped their 30 year old England defender, Jonathan Woodgate, into the Pool.
Claymore’s manager, Clive Lucas-Fenwick (poncy name!) said, “In a knee-jerk reaction to conceding eight goals in our opening two matches, I have made Woodgate a ‘scapegoat’, even though he did not feature in either game, due to a long term groin injury”. Unimpressed by Woodgate’s reluctance to play through the pain barrier, Clive has decided he needs men, not ‘wousers’ in his team!
In a parting gesture, Clive described Woodgate as “a nice boy"! Going on to say "unfortunately, he spends more time in the treatment room than the Physio", adding that "Woodgate will always be remembered for his most memorable moment in a Claymore shirt"!
Claymore’s manager, Clive Lucas-Fenwick (poncy name!) said, “In a knee-jerk reaction to conceding eight goals in our opening two matches, I have made Woodgate a ‘scapegoat’, even though he did not feature in either game, due to a long term groin injury”. Unimpressed by Woodgate’s reluctance to play through the pain barrier, Clive has decided he needs men, not ‘wousers’ in his team!
In a parting gesture, Clive described Woodgate as “a nice boy"! Going on to say "unfortunately, he spends more time in the treatment room than the Physio", adding that "Woodgate will always be remembered for his most memorable moment in a Claymore shirt"!
Monday 23 August 2010
Week 2 Results
Aardvark Abacus 8 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
Athletico Phoenix 1 v 3 Final Fantasy XI
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
San Dimas High School 6 v 4 Bassett Allsorts
The Cow-Faced Juniors 4 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
The Dead Parrots 4 v 3 Trusted By Millions
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 5 Real Muppets
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 6 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
The champions begin their defence with two six-goal performances. Sound familiar? Boston Rock fell behind to a Joey Barton goal for York's but Andy Carroll with a hat-trick and Kevin Nolan with a brace started repaying the £19.5m Sheriff spent on the pair. Boston rock leapfrog Fred at the top as the 'Gardeners' struggled to a 2-1 win over Nil Satis. Paul ahead through the reliable Tim Cahill but a Ben Foster saved penalty and Paolo Ferreira clean swung the game in Fred's favour. Nil Satis are one of four teams without a point.
Fred are only above the Muppets on alphabetical order. Ryan's team made short work of the Fabulous Artisans this week with Florent Malouda opening the scoring before Carlos Tevez notched a second-half brace. Not a great start from the Artisans who are now four without a win if we take last season into consideration. The CFJs are our last 100% team. Two from Gareth Bale (what a strike that second one was) in the first half and two from Nicolas Anelka in the second too much for Claymore. Clive's charges are a lowly 15th after running into two good performances from their opponents.
The Dead Parrots are still unbeaten after playing two of last year's top five. A point against the Artisans last week was followed by victory over Trusted. Gareth Barry swept home on 13 minutes to open the scoring for Dean but Beef seemed to be cruising to a win before three unanswered cleans took the points down under. Beef's great result against the Aardvarks last week quickly undone. Speaking of the Aardvarks they bounced back from that first week defeat on emphatic style. Paul Scholes gave Ady a 1-0 half-time lead but the Mega Bucks defence melted away after the break with even Craig Gardner scoring twice for the 'Earth-Pigs'. Dave's team have now conceded a quarter of the goals they did in the entirety of last season.
Goals aplenty at San Dimas too. Ben's Allsorts can feel a bit hard done by to still be pointless after scoring four themselves but being on the receiving end of Johan Elmander doubling his last season tally and Theo Walcott scoring more in 46 minutes than he's managed in the last two seasons. I know it's early days but it's my highest league position since week 14 two seasons ago. Final Fantasy broke their duck too with a 3-1 win at the Phoenix. Arshavin's penalty for Ceri was cancelled out for Brian by Abou Diaby just after the break but clean sheets from Carson and Enrique get Final Fantasy off the mark.
Athletico Phoenix 1 v 3 Final Fantasy XI
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
San Dimas High School 6 v 4 Bassett Allsorts
The Cow-Faced Juniors 4 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
The Dead Parrots 4 v 3 Trusted By Millions
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 5 Real Muppets
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 6 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
The champions begin their defence with two six-goal performances. Sound familiar? Boston Rock fell behind to a Joey Barton goal for York's but Andy Carroll with a hat-trick and Kevin Nolan with a brace started repaying the £19.5m Sheriff spent on the pair. Boston rock leapfrog Fred at the top as the 'Gardeners' struggled to a 2-1 win over Nil Satis. Paul ahead through the reliable Tim Cahill but a Ben Foster saved penalty and Paolo Ferreira clean swung the game in Fred's favour. Nil Satis are one of four teams without a point.
Fred are only above the Muppets on alphabetical order. Ryan's team made short work of the Fabulous Artisans this week with Florent Malouda opening the scoring before Carlos Tevez notched a second-half brace. Not a great start from the Artisans who are now four without a win if we take last season into consideration. The CFJs are our last 100% team. Two from Gareth Bale (what a strike that second one was) in the first half and two from Nicolas Anelka in the second too much for Claymore. Clive's charges are a lowly 15th after running into two good performances from their opponents.
The Dead Parrots are still unbeaten after playing two of last year's top five. A point against the Artisans last week was followed by victory over Trusted. Gareth Barry swept home on 13 minutes to open the scoring for Dean but Beef seemed to be cruising to a win before three unanswered cleans took the points down under. Beef's great result against the Aardvarks last week quickly undone. Speaking of the Aardvarks they bounced back from that first week defeat on emphatic style. Paul Scholes gave Ady a 1-0 half-time lead but the Mega Bucks defence melted away after the break with even Craig Gardner scoring twice for the 'Earth-Pigs'. Dave's team have now conceded a quarter of the goals they did in the entirety of last season.
Goals aplenty at San Dimas too. Ben's Allsorts can feel a bit hard done by to still be pointless after scoring four themselves but being on the receiving end of Johan Elmander doubling his last season tally and Theo Walcott scoring more in 46 minutes than he's managed in the last two seasons. I know it's early days but it's my highest league position since week 14 two seasons ago. Final Fantasy broke their duck too with a 3-1 win at the Phoenix. Arshavin's penalty for Ceri was cancelled out for Brian by Abou Diaby just after the break but clean sheets from Carson and Enrique get Final Fantasy off the mark.
Friday 20 August 2010
San Dimas Signing
San Dimas High School have signed midfielder Cristian Riveros as they look to bounce back from their opening day defeat to York's Returning Glory.
The 27 year old midfielder has played fifty times for Paraguay and scored in their World Cup win against Slovakia.
Riveros made his name at Mexican side Cruz Azul who delight in the nickname 'Los Cementeros' and is likely to make his debut against fellow strugglers Bassett Allsorts
Too make way for the Paraguayan, chunky playmaker Andy Reid leaves the club (for the third time I think).
The 27 year old midfielder has played fifty times for Paraguay and scored in their World Cup win against Slovakia.
Riveros made his name at Mexican side Cruz Azul who delight in the nickname 'Los Cementeros' and is likely to make his debut against fellow strugglers Bassett Allsorts
Too make way for the Paraguayan, chunky playmaker Andy Reid leaves the club (for the third time I think).
Monday 16 August 2010
Week 1 Results
Bassett Allsorts 1 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 Real Muppets
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 6 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 7 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 Athletico Phoenix
The Dead Parrots 1 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
Trusted By Millions 1 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
York’s Returning Glory 3 v 0 San Dimas High School
I'm not sure how important it is to lay down a marker in the first week - but it's better than doing the opposite.
The champions showed that they won't be giving up their title lightly with a six-goal demolition of Final Fantasy. Sheriff's tried and trusted players like Lampard, Terry, Milner and Bent all featuring on the scoresheet. Ceri's new signings can't come quick enough. Also with a six-goal victory (not seven as erroneously reported - probably by the WSFFL's answer to Chris Kamara) were Fred West over Mega Bucks. Fred's £55m outlay may reap rewards in time but it was old stagers like Drogba, Berbatov and Giggs doing the damage. Dave will just be hopeful not to run into a strike-force like that every week.
The game of the day between title contenders Trusted and Aardvark turned out to be the lowest-scoring. It was settled in Beef's favour by a scrambled Liam Ridgewell goal with two minutes remaining. Is it me or is the Aardvark armour tarnishing a little? Expect Ady to be busy in the transfer window auction. Last season the Muppets title challenge was derailed by drawing too many matches so Ryan will be pleased with an opening day win against Claymore. Florent Malouda bagging the day's earliest goal and another at the death before Pepe Reina comically shovelled into his own goal. Clive has already marked this season under R for rebuilding. His ten new signings will need time to gel.
A couple of last season's contenders didn't make great starts. The Fabulous Artisans managed a 1-1 draw at the always-dangerous Dead Parrots. Stuart Downing opened Ben's account for the season but he couldn't find a second goal to settle the game and Kolo Toure got the equalising clean for Dean. Last term's long-time leaders Nil Satis are the only team not to make any signings yet this season but Paul could be reaching for the chequebook after defeat to Athletico Phoenix. Brian recovering from Steven Carr's looped header into his own net to win the game with two cleans.
The CFJs were another team that needed clean sheets to grab all three points. Bassett Allsorts had taken the lead with an extremely rare Stilyan Petrov goal but Bale and Samba turned the game in Chris's favour. York's 3-0 victory over my shower of a team was their biggest in the league since week 10 last year. Three clean sheets doing the business for Julian. An anagram of San Dimas is 'is sad man' which scratches the surface of the way I feel about the High School's showing.
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 Real Muppets
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 6 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 7 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 Athletico Phoenix
The Dead Parrots 1 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
Trusted By Millions 1 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
York’s Returning Glory 3 v 0 San Dimas High School
I'm not sure how important it is to lay down a marker in the first week - but it's better than doing the opposite.
The champions showed that they won't be giving up their title lightly with a six-goal demolition of Final Fantasy. Sheriff's tried and trusted players like Lampard, Terry, Milner and Bent all featuring on the scoresheet. Ceri's new signings can't come quick enough. Also with a six-goal victory (not seven as erroneously reported - probably by the WSFFL's answer to Chris Kamara) were Fred West over Mega Bucks. Fred's £55m outlay may reap rewards in time but it was old stagers like Drogba, Berbatov and Giggs doing the damage. Dave will just be hopeful not to run into a strike-force like that every week.
The game of the day between title contenders Trusted and Aardvark turned out to be the lowest-scoring. It was settled in Beef's favour by a scrambled Liam Ridgewell goal with two minutes remaining. Is it me or is the Aardvark armour tarnishing a little? Expect Ady to be busy in the transfer window auction. Last season the Muppets title challenge was derailed by drawing too many matches so Ryan will be pleased with an opening day win against Claymore. Florent Malouda bagging the day's earliest goal and another at the death before Pepe Reina comically shovelled into his own goal. Clive has already marked this season under R for rebuilding. His ten new signings will need time to gel.
A couple of last season's contenders didn't make great starts. The Fabulous Artisans managed a 1-1 draw at the always-dangerous Dead Parrots. Stuart Downing opened Ben's account for the season but he couldn't find a second goal to settle the game and Kolo Toure got the equalising clean for Dean. Last term's long-time leaders Nil Satis are the only team not to make any signings yet this season but Paul could be reaching for the chequebook after defeat to Athletico Phoenix. Brian recovering from Steven Carr's looped header into his own net to win the game with two cleans.
The CFJs were another team that needed clean sheets to grab all three points. Bassett Allsorts had taken the lead with an extremely rare Stilyan Petrov goal but Bale and Samba turned the game in Chris's favour. York's 3-0 victory over my shower of a team was their biggest in the league since week 10 last year. Three clean sheets doing the business for Julian. An anagram of San Dimas is 'is sad man' which scratches the surface of the way I feel about the High School's showing.
Friday 13 August 2010
Changes at San Dimas
After a very short stay Trevor Carson has left San Dimas High School.
The goalkeeper, whose uncle is TV 'funnyman' Frank Carson, hadn't settled. It was the way he didn't save them.
Simon Mignolet has joined the co-ordinator's squad and is likely to make his debut on the opening day of the season.
Also moving on from Saints Stadium is Sam Ricketts, whose father is a former world equestrian champion. He's replaced by Spurs youngster Kyle Walker.
The goalkeeper, whose uncle is TV 'funnyman' Frank Carson, hadn't settled. It was the way he didn't save them.
Simon Mignolet has joined the co-ordinator's squad and is likely to make his debut on the opening day of the season.
Also moving on from Saints Stadium is Sam Ricketts, whose father is a former world equestrian champion. He's replaced by Spurs youngster Kyle Walker.
Wednesday 11 August 2010
PCMT 1st Round Draw
Athletico Phoenix v Aardvark Abacus
Bassett Allsorts v Real Muppets
Claymore Athletic FC v Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Mega Buck Bandits v Fred West LG XI
San Dimas High School v The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots v The Cow-Faced Juniors
York's Returning Glory v You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Sheriff will be delighted with that draw when he starts his Trophy defence at the end of August. How many of last season's bottom eight will progress?
Bassett Allsorts v Real Muppets
Claymore Athletic FC v Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Mega Buck Bandits v Fred West LG XI
San Dimas High School v The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots v The Cow-Faced Juniors
York's Returning Glory v You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Sheriff will be delighted with that draw when he starts his Trophy defence at the end of August. How many of last season's bottom eight will progress?
Auction Highlights
Fred West were the big spenders - £55.5m on six players to try and get Fred back into the trophy shake-up.
For the second season running the Muppets made the most expensive purchase and the for the second season running it was an Arsenal defender. Laurent Koscielny was the man, £18m was the fee. £2m less than his defensive partner Thomas Vermaelen.
Claymore made the most signings on the night. Clive bringing in ten new faces to bolster his squad.
And let's not forget the Champions. Boston Rock went back to their old revolving door ways. Seven in and seven out as Sheriff proves he won't stand still this season.
For the second season running the Muppets made the most expensive purchase and the for the second season running it was an Arsenal defender. Laurent Koscielny was the man, £18m was the fee. £2m less than his defensive partner Thomas Vermaelen.
Claymore made the most signings on the night. Clive bringing in ten new faces to bolster his squad.
And let's not forget the Champions. Boston Rock went back to their old revolving door ways. Seven in and seven out as Sheriff proves he won't stand still this season.
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