WSFFL History - Halfway House

We're halfway through this league season and Aardvark Abacus have a five point lead. But how have previous mid-point leaders fared over the second part of the campaign...

2001/2
In the first 16 team season San Dimas led the league on goal difference from Claymore after 15 games. My team eventually sunk to third though 11 points behind eventual winners Aardvark Abacus

2002/3
No mid-point table was produced due to Sheriff's hospitalisation. And it's too much effort for me to try and do one now.

2003/4
Claymore had a point advantage over Aardvark and Clive's team went on to take the title by five points.

2004/5
Boston Rock went into the second part of the season with an eight point cushion over Aardvark but collapsed over the last few weeks and Claymore came through to take the title by two.

2005/6
Sheriff's team were in pole position again, this time on goal difference from Trusted. Boston Rock made no mistake this time, romping home by 11 points.

2006/7
Prettier Than You had a point in hand over Aardvark and still had a chance of the title going into the final day but Real Muppets ended by title winners by a point with PTY only third.

2007/8
Chris Howell's caretaker reign at Eleven Imaginary Boys saw him with a four point lead at halfway from Aardvark. Ady turned the tables in the second part of the season winning by a point from Fred with EIB six points behind in third.

Half-Term Report - San Dimas High School

After prompting from the co-ordinator...

Is it time to reassess what my team are capable of? It's been a couple of seasons since I was mixing it at the top of the table or at the business end of a Cup competition. Do I need to be content with battling for sixth place and putting one over the big teams once in a while?

OK, so I've been unlucky with injuries this season. Players of the calibre of Yakubu (one of the league's top scorers last season), Essien, Ashton and Walcott being on the sidelines for long periods have left a huge hole that my back-up players haven't filled.

Deco was my 'big' money signing of the summer and he hasn't really contributed as much as I would have hoped. Craig Gordon was brought in from Dynamo Kev seemingly to keep the other guys in the treatment room company! Johan Djorou is yet to adequately fill the gap that Phillipe
Senderos left (which is quite worrying when you think about it!)

The moths may need to be released from the San Dimas wallet to get me back in contention for a trophy. Whether that's in February in a bid to finish the season strongly or at the start of next season for a proper title tilt is something I need to ponder.

Peej, manager San Dimas High School

Week 15 Results

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 0 San Dimas High School
Dynamo Kev 3 v 0 22 Legged Groove Machine
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 5 Trusted By Millions
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 2 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 0 The Dead Parrots
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 4 v 0 The Fabulous Artisans
The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 0 Real Muppets
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC

Aardvark stretch their lead after their Cup Final disappointment.
CFJs and Trusted close on the top four.

Christmas at Dynamo Kev

The latest news from Dynamo manager Kevin Gunning...

There have been continued ructions at Dynamo Kev this week! So much so in fact, that at half-time during our midweek 'Arthur Shipway Memorial Flood-lit Trophy' tie against Grimthorpe City, I had the players sit in front of the away fans at half-time for their team talk!

I have reminded all players that their position at the club is in doubt if our results don't improve, so it will be interesting to see if the players put in a performance today against the 'Groovers', or whether I have indeed 'lost the dressing room'!

Brad Friedel and Brett Emerton still aren't talking following their Christmas party fracas, and 'Rocket' Santa Cruz has failed to return from Paraguay, after visiting his mum for a Catholic Christmas in Asuncion. There are positives however, with Abou Diaby, Robin Van Persie and Zat Knight all scoring in that midweek cup-tie comeback, and all three keep their places.

Good luck to us all...everyone.

San Dimas Sign Striker

Injury-hit (or perhaps that should be injury-prone) San Dimas High School have signed Ecuadorian striker Felipe Caicedo.

San Dimas manager Paul Garratt moved into the market after news that Dean Ashton's latest injury was likely to keep him out for the season.

The loss of Ashton, Yakubu and Walcott meant 'the Saints' were short of cover up front so it's likely that the 20-year-old will make his debut in a baptism of fire against league-leading Aardvark Abacus today.

PCMT Final 2008/09

Aardvark Abacus 2
Keane 53, 58

v (2)

You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3
Lampard 45
A.Ferdinand (c)
King (c)

90,000 people gave up their Boxing Day cold meat and pickles to be at Wembley and watch the clash of the WSFFL behemoths in the Paul Cartmell Memorial Cup Final.

Aardvark Abacus were missing leading scorer Emanuel Adebayor through suspension while Boston Rock lost captain Rio Ferdinand to a back injury in the warm-up. The two old rivals, the winningest managers in the league's history, played out a cagey first half but the game burst into life with both managers contemplating their interval oranges.

First, Boston Rock's usually reliable striker Jermain Defoe dragged a penalty wide after the Aardvarks had been penalised for some penalty-box shenanigans but there was still time for Frank Lampard put the 'Sky Heroes' in front from close range seconds before the break. Micah Richards also left the field at the interval with a clean sheet safely in the bank, a move which brought him special praise from his manager.

Ady's re-hashed team talk brought a turnaround within 15 minutes of the re-start. Much maligned striker Robbie Keane, rising to the challenge of leading the line in Adebayor's absence, was the Aardvark inspiration scoring twice in five minutes to put his side in the driving seat. After that, chances were few and far between and Sheriff was looking to his trusted defence to hang on to the trophy. He wasn't disappointed. First Ledley King strolled to a clean sheet and then Anton Ferdinand repeated that feat to complete the late comeback.

Ferdinand dedicated his match-winning clean to injured brother Rio and Frank Lampard, one of WSFFL's most decorated players, lifted the Trophy in front of Boston Rock's adoring fans.

The beaten manager congratulated his opposite number on the victory which takes Sheriff ahead nine trophies to eight in the history books.

It's the fourth time Sheriff has led his team to the PCMT crown in six seasons, a second final defeat in three years for the league-leading Abacus who will resume league action, along with the rest of us, on Sunday 28 December.

Aardvark Abacus:
GK - Jones
DEF - Campbell, Alex, Eboue, A.Taylor
MID - Alonso, Modric, S.Davies, O'Neil
ATT - Keane, Carew
Subs - Cech, Hughes, Scholes, Kuyt

You Know Your Boston Rock FC:
GK - Robinson
DEF - A.Ferdinand, C.Davies, Richards, King
MID - Lampard, Milner, Bentley, Wright-Phillips
ATT - Defoe, Bent
Subs - J.Brown, Turner, Jenas, Derbyshire

PCMT Final - The Contenders

Aardvark Abacus

Current League Position: 1st

Route to the Final;
1st Round - Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2-0
Quarter-Final - The Fabulous Artisans 4-1 (after a 2-2 draw)
Semi-Final - The Cow-Faced Juniors 6-1

Recent Results;
Week 14 - 2-2 v Real Muppets
Week 13 - 3-1 v 22-Legged Groove Machine
Week 12 - 1-2 v The Fabulous Artisans
Week 11 - 0-0 v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Current League Position: 2nd

Route to the Final;
1st Round - Final Fantasy XI 7-2
Quarter-Final - 22-Legged Groove Machine 7-2 (after 2-2 draw)
Semi-Final - The Dead Parrots 4-1

Recent Results;
Week 14 - 1-0 v Final Fantasy
Week 13 - 3-2 v Trusted By Millions
Week 12 - 1-0 v The Dead Parrots
Week 11 - 2-3 v Claymore Athletic FC

Recent meetings between the teams;
2008/9 Week 3 - Boston Rock 4 Aardvark Abacus 5
2007/8 Week 20 - Aardvark Abacus 2 Boston Rock 2
2007/8 FAC R1 - Boston Rock 3 Aardvark Abacus 1
2007/8 Week 4 - Boston Rock 0 Aardvark Abacus 1

Good luck to both managers.

Half-Term Report - Claymore Athletic FC

(Or Clive looks on the positive side...)

“13” unlucky for some! Not so for Claymore Athletic FC. It was our 13th game of the season that saw us gain our first victory of the season, after a very slow start. At last the boys are now showing their true colours. We were the last team to record a victory this season, when we beat The Dead Parrots 3-2. We are proving to be the draw specialist, so far this season, with 9 draws in 17 games. Unbelievably, 8 of those 9 draws have been 2-2!

A colossal battle with The Cow-Faced Juniors, in the 1st round of the PCMT, saw them knock us out, at the third time of asking. Yes, you guessed it, the first two games were 2-2 draws! Our ambitions are to progress to the advanced stages of the FFA Cup, where we start with a very tough away draw against Fred West Landscape Gardening XI and to challenge for 4th in the league!

Michael Owen will hopefully sign a new, improved contract and stay with us for at least one more season and if Wayne Rooney starts finding the “back of the net” more regularly, then our ambitions are very achievable. Defensively, we have strength in depth, with a very consistent midfield. With talented young players Jonny Evans, Branislav Ivanovic, David Edgar and Carlos Villanueva on the fringes of a first team break through, the future is bright.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2007/08

Why Boston Rock are the holders going into Friday's final...

Claymore Athletic FC 1
Rooney 20

v (2)

You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3
Downing og 22
Dempsey 60
Defoe 90

December 26/27 2007 at Wembley Stadium - Att: 90,000

Despite Clive's atrocious recent league form it was Claymore who started the better of the teams in front of the packed Wembley crowd, Wayne Rooney firing past Paul Robinson after 20 minutes to open the scoring. If Clive could have consolidated it may have been a different story but just two minutes later Stuart Downing, one of Claymore's best performers this season, sliced into his own net to level the scores.

It was the second-half before Sheriff's 'Sky Heroes' imposed themselves and September pool signing Clint Dempsey, on for the injured Frank Lampard, bundled them ahead from close range on the hour. As Clive went pushing for an equaliser late on Jermain Defoe prodded past Friedel to finish things off.

That's Sheriff's third PCMT trophy in five seasons and added to three FA Cups and two Championships (one as Athletico Sheriff IV) Mr Rose is now WSFFL's most successful manager. He has one trophy more than Ady's Aardvark Abacus and those two WSFFL behemoths will clash in the first round of the Cup on 5 January.

Congratulations Sheriff, commiserations Clive, now it's back to the 'bread and butter' of the league. (This was my first WSFFL match report - can you tell?)

Claymore's team was:
GK - Friedel
DEF - Sagna, Pogatetz, Cacapa, Clichy
MID - Malbranque, Pienaar, Koumas, Downing
ATT - Rooney, Owen
Subs: Neilsen, Ingimarsson, Bullard, Pizarro.

And the victorious Boston Rock lined up:
GK - Robinson
DEF - Ridgewell, R.Ferdinand, Richards, Samba
MID - Lampard, Rosicky, Smith, Bentley
ATT - Jerome, Defoe
Subs: Cerny, King, Dempsey, D.Bent.

Sheriff's team for this week's final will have a familiar look but Ridgewell, Samba, Rosicky, Smith, Jerome and Cerny have all left the 'Sky Heroes' in the past 12 months.

Aardvark won last season's league title to make it eight trophies apiece with his opponents on Friday. Another little edge added to the battle for the first pot of the season.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2006/07

When Trusted turned the tables...

Trusted By Millions 2
Lita 67, Barry 81

Vs

Aardvark Abacus 0

Boxing Day 2006, at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, Attendance - 78,000

Revenge is a dish best served cold, goes the saying, and Trusted By Millions waited a full year before they could exact revenge on Aardvark Abacus. But cometh the hour, cometh the man, as a Gareth Barry-inspired performance ensured the 2006/07 Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy final was won by Trusted By Millions, by a 2-0 scoreline.

As befits a clash of two old rivals, the first half was a dour affair with the two teams sizing each other up. Long range efforts from Scholes and occasional buccaneering Gerrard runs enlivened proceedings, however, and the second half promised more.

Trusted switched into life following the early withdrawal of the ineffective Shevchenko. Gareth Barry, nominally left back but playing a more advanced role, then became more influential, and was the architect for Trusted’s opener, midway through the half. His searching midfield pass found Sidwell on the left flank, who crossed for Lita to fire home from close range, nipping in ahead of Carvalho.

Aardvark tried to hit back through Adebayor, but he overran an opportunity and Kuyt was unable to capitalise on the loose ball. However with 10 minutes to go, Trusted broke again. Gerrard fed Barry, and he capped a Man of the Match performance with a surging run, out-muscling Hreidarsson to fire the clinching goal into the bottom left corner. So it’s Trusted’s Cup - well done Beef!

Beef's victorious line-up was:
GK - Jaaskaleinen
DEF - Barry, Dawson, Carragher, Ben Haim
MID - Kranjcar, Sidwell, Milner, Gerrard
ATT - Shevchenko, Lita
Subs: Schwarzer, Cahill, Davis, Angel

While these Aardvarks picked up losers medals:
GK - Kirkland
DEF - Carvalho, Riise, Hreidarsson, Heinze
MID - Scholes, Park, Emre, Alonso
ATT - Adebayor, Kuyt
Subs: Jones, Campbell, O’Neil, Doyle

Only six of Trusted's team beaten a year before survived by the time this match came around. Ady has shipped out six of his beaten team since this Final.

FA Cup 1st Round Draw

22 Legged Groove Machine v York's Returning Glory
You Know Your Boston Rock FC v Trusted By Millions
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI v Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets v Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Final Fantasy XI v Mega Buck Bandits
Aardvark Abacus v The Fabulous Artisans
San Dimas High School v The Dead Parrots
The Cow-Faced Juniors v Dynamo Kev

Games to played 2-5 January 2009.

Half-Term Report - You Know Your Boston Rock FC

OK then, Peej, Boston Rock half term report - I'd have to give my team a "B-" at the moment, together with a "Should Do Better, Don't Rest On Your Laurels" comment!

"But you're second in the table and in the PCMT final", I hear you shout; believe me, no-one is more surprised about this than I am! Happy with my start, playing well and scoring goals, sweeping to the PCMT final primarily on the strength of that early season form. Went through a sticky patch, lost a couple of games due to poor team selection, and have since been playing poorly but grinding out results. Really need to regain that early season form to be a credible contender.

Players? Well, the usual suspects are doing well for me - Rio Ferdinand is my MVP thus far with 7 "goals" and many other non-scoring clean sheets; fat Frank is chipping in with his usual midfield haul (6 so far, although suspiciously quiet of late); and Bent and Defoe, both finally guaranteed to get games, have weighed in with 7 goals apiece. Beyond that, I've been disappointed. I was expecting a considerable production increase when I effectively swapped the fragile Tomas Rosicky for Shaun Wright-Phillips, but it's been his Man City team-mate (and former Boston Rocker) Stephen Ireland who has been getting the midfield goals at Eastlands, and I've got 1 solitary goal to show for my £17 mill so far. Likewise David Bentley, whose corker against Arsenal is the only time he's notched for me this term. No wonder I launched an ultimately unsuccessful bid to bring the Artisans' Ashley Young to the "Sky Heroes"...

A couple of nice surprises - Michael Turner is chipping in with both goals and cleans, and has nudged ahead of the disappointing Micah Richards in my defensive pecking order. Also, I knew I was buying Man United's right back of the future when I picked up Rafael Da Silva; I just didn't expect the future to be now! The boy's done great, and might be the player who prevents me from building an all-English squad in the future.

So, I'm looking for more from my squad, to justify my position and really contend for honours this season. Let's see what you've got, boys...

Sheriff
Manager, You Know Your Boston Rock FC

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2005/06

Aardvark Abacus lifted the trophy three years ago with this performance...

Aardvark Abacus 3
O’Neil 43, Hreidarsson 90, Gallas 90

Vs (3)

Trusted By Millions 2
Crespo 25, Mido 66

31 December 2005, at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, Attendance - 78,000

The Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy was won by Aardvark Abacus, who regained the trophy they originally won in 1996/97 by beating Trusted By Millions by 3-2 in a hard-fought final.

The competitive nature of the final was emphasised in the early stages, with hard challenges leading to some early substitutions. After the game took shape, Trusted initially made the running and went ahead midway through the first half. A Steven Gerrard-inspired move was finished off neatly by Crespo at the far post. Ady’s team however fought back, Keane going clear on a couple of occasions before being pulled back for offside, before Gary O’Neil levelled with a deft strike just before half time.

The second half see-sawed in the early stages, and Trusted again went ahead, Mido finishing off a move following a Le Tallec cross on 66. However, inspired by an energetic midfield performance by Man-of-the-Match O’Neil, Aardvark fought back and took control, and two late goals, both headers, from the recalled Hreidarsson and Gallas, pipped Trusted, and gave the victory to Aardvark. Hard luck on Beef, but congratulations to Ady!

The Aardvark line-up was:
GK - Cech
DEF - Campbell, Gallas, Hreidarsson, Heinze
MID - Scholes, Park, O’Neil, Alonso
ATT - Baros, Keane
Subs: Jones, Lauren, Solano, Gudjohnsen

And Trusted went in with...
GK - Schwarzer
DEF - Thatcher, Knight, Dawson, Carragher
MID - Le Tallec, Ambrose, Dunn, Gerrard
ATT - Crespo, Mido
Subs: Jaaskaleinen, Taylor, Rossi, Angel

Zat Knight and David Dunn on the losing side a year after winning with Boston Rock. Eidur Gudjohnsen picking up a winners medal after two PCMT final defeats previously.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2004/05

Another one from the archives and another win for Boston Rock...

You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3
Sinama-Pongolle 44, Defoe 54, Rio Ferdinand 90

Vs (2)

San Dimas High School 0

28 December 2004, at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, Attendance - 78,000

The Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy was retained by You Know Your Boston Rock FC, who beat a gallant San Dimas High School 3-0 in the final. The “Sky Heroes” therefore matched the feat of Kylie Bumcheeks by winning the PCMT 2 years in succession, and also become the first team to win both cups 2 years on the trot, having won the FA Cup on 1999/00 and 2000/01.

The build-up was marked by some friendly banter between the 2 wily old managers, old adversaries in their playing days. There was also drama before kick-off, intended Boston Rock starter Alan Smith being forced to pull out with Bevandodge-itis, his replacement Michael Chopra falling victim to the same ailment shortly after kickoff. So, after an evenly contested first half, it was the “Sky Heroes” sub forward, Florent Sinama-Pongolle, who struck first with a fine finish, just before the interval.

The “Sky Heroes” then took control after the break, Frank Lampard firing close before setting up Jermain Defoe for a second, a coolly taken shot from the angle. Lampard again set up Robert Pires, but he squandered his opportunity, characteristic of an out-of-sorts performance. For San Dimas, Yakubu was lively but was well marshalled by an imperious performance from Boston Rock captain Rio Ferdinand. And it was Ferdinand who capped a Man of the Match performance with a towering header on the stroke of full time to seal victory for “the Sky Heroes”.

The Boston Rock team that day:
GK - Robinson
DEF - R.Ferdinand, Ferreira, King, G.Johnson
MID - Pires, Lampard, Kewell, Hendrie
ATT - Defoe, Chopra
Subs: Fulop, Knight, Bentley, Sinama-Pongolle

And the defeated San Dimas were:
GK - Sorensen
DEF - Terry, Distin, Queudrue, Tebily
MID - Holland, Sibierski, Johansson, Miller
ATT - Kanoute, Yakubu
Subs: Harper, Goma, R.Gardner, McKenzie

Alain Goma had picked up a winners medal the year before but picked up the losers version this time after moving clubs. Considering this is only four years ago it's a surprise to see that only four players are still in my squad.

I can't remember what the "friendly banter" was, nor can I remember why I thought it was a good idea to buy Norwich's Leon McKenzie!

Week 14 Results

22 Legged Groove Machine 0 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits
Real Muppets 2 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
San Dimas High School 3 v 0 York’s Returning Glory
The Dead Parrots 4 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 Dynamo Kev
Trusted By Millions 2 v 4 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 0 Final Fantasy XI

None of the top three win.
Boston Rock climb into second place.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2003/04

I'd better start doing these more frequently if I'm going to squeeze them all in before this year's final! The 2003/4 edition saw the rise of PCMT specialists You Know Your Boston Rock FC...

You Know Your Boston Rock FC 5
Otsemobor 28, Pires 35, Delaney 62, Lampard 73, Ferdinand 90

Vs (1)

Final Fantasy XI 2
Smith (OG) 18, Campo 54

Sunday 28 December 2003, at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff, Attendance 78,592

You Know Your Boston Rock FC won this year’s Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Final 5-2 over Final Fantasy XI, in a highly competitive and thrilling final. So the “Sky Heroes” now have the “full set” of trophies, having previously won the League Title (1995/96, under their previous guise of Athletico Sheriff IV) and FA Cup (1999/00 and 2000/01), thereby becoming only the second team (after the inevitable Aardvark Abacus) to do so.

The tone for this competitive encounter was set in the first minute, with a bone-crunching tackle between Boston Rock’s Dunn and FF’s Fortune, leading to the early departure of both players. Final Fantasy held sway in the early exchanges, and led on 18, after Boston Rock’s Smith sliced into his own net under pressure from Bergkamp. Otsemobor levelled on 28 with his final touch before being substituted, and recent signing Robert Pires put the “Sky Heroes” into the lead for the first time, coolly slotting home a slide-rule pass from Scott Parker.

The second half burst into life after a thundering 20-yard shot from FF defender Ivan Campo, which levelled matters at 2-2. Thereafter Boston Rock took charge; Mark Delaney overlapped with Pires and shot home on 62 to give Boston Rock the lead again; Parker set up the impressive Lampard on the edge of the box for 4-2, and the mercurial Pires capped a Man of the Match performance with a last-minute cross for Rio Ferdinand to head home and secure the Cup for Boston Rock!

(Sheriff rightfully trumpeting his victory!)

Boston Rock's team that day were:
GK - Martyn Sub - Robinson
DEF - Ferdinand, Otsemobor, Delaney, Goma Sub - King
MID - Pires, Lampard, Parker, Dunn Sub - Jenas
ATT - Smith, Kewell Sub - Sinama-Pongolle

And the Final Fantasy line-up:
GK - Howard Sub - Ellegaard
DEF - Fortune, Harley, Campo, Scimeca Sub - Dodd
MID - Berger, McManaman, Inamoto, Nolan Sub - Hitzlsperger
ATT - Bergkamp, Djorkaeff Sub - Heskey

Six of Sheriff's squad are still 'Sky Heroes' today. Has anyone won more WSFFL 'medals' than Frank Lampard I wonder?

It was Ceri's first season in the league and remains the high point in Final Fantasy history. Only Kevin Nolan of the team that played that day is still on Ceri's books.

Real Muppets, Trusted By Millions and Claymore Athletic have all since completed the 'full set' of WSFFL trophies.

It's the highest scoring PCMT Final and Boston Rock are the only team to strike five in a PCMT Final.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2002/03

The third in our Paul Cartmell Memorial Final review series and the first in which one of this season's finalists appears.

Kylie Bumcheeks 3 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
Shearer 58 Anelka 84
Beattie 73
Howey 90

Congratulations to Kylie Bumcheeks, who won the 2002 Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Final, thus retaining the trophy for the second successive year. Rich Smith’s team did it the hard way, though, by beating a tough and resilient Aardvark Abacus side in a tense and thrilling final.

The first half was the tense affair, with both sides adopting a cagey approach to their opponents. Carl Cort was substituted early on after a recurrence of his knee injury, and his sub Nicolas Anelka came closest in the first half, firing just wide after good flank work from Solano.

Kylie burst into life as an attacking force in the second half, however, after obviously getting a rocket from manager Rich Smith at half time. After sustained pressure, Shearer finally broke the deadlock on 58 minutes, with a trademark header from a Griffin cross. The other half of the league’s hottest strike force, James Beattie, extended the lead on 73 with a sweet volley. This brought Aardvark back to life, and they set up a grandstand finish when Anelka netted with a cool finish, with 6 minutes left on the clock. However, Steve Howey headed home in the last minute to ensure the cup went to Kylie!

The Millennium Stadium was the home for the match over the weekend of 28 December 2002. 78,592 watched the action. Sheriff's match report was put together while recuperating from his life-threatening pancreatitis.

The Bumcheeks side for the game was:
GK - De Goey Sub - Nash
DEF - Griffin, Hyypia, Short, Howey Sub - I.Pearce
MID - Foe, Mustoe, Djetou, Oakley Sub - Savage
ATT - Shearer, Beattie Sub - Huckerby

While Aardvark's team was:
GK - Keller Sub - Kirkland
DEF - Campbell, Lauren, Gallas, Riise Sub - Svensson
MID - Scholes, Smicer, Solano, Pedersen Sub - Legwinski
ATT - Gudjohnsen, Cort Sub - Anelka

The Bumcheeks also won the league this season with Aardvark as the runners-up, four points in arrears. That was three trophies in four season for Rich Smith before he left the league and the team became Eleven Imaginary Boys led by Jared Prothero.

Ady did win the FA Cup this season beating Trusted in a replay after an incredible 5-5 draw.

Anelka is still banging in WSFFL goals, albeit for the Cow-Faced Juniors but Kirkland, Gallas, Scholes and Campbell are all still Aardvarks.

One sad footnote though. While our very own Sheriff was winning his battle, Marc-Vivien Foe was to lose his life after collapsing during a Confederations Cup match between Cameroon and Colombia the following June.

Week 13 Results

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 1 22 Legged Groove Machine
Dynamo Kev 1 v 3 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 0 The Dead Parrots
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 4 Claymore Athletic FC
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 4 San Dimas High School
The Cow-Faced Juniors 5 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
York’s Returning Glory 2 v 0 Real Muppets
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 v 2 Trusted By Millions

The Groovers' unbeaten run ends as Aardvark take top spot again.
Boston Rock keep up their pursuit as the Muppets slip up at York's.

WSFFL Phrasebook

The first (and perhaps last) dip into the WSFFL dictionary.

'Doing a Boston Rock' - to purchase a talented young English player out of the pool with the hope that his development will continue and he will become a regular and valued member of the team in years to come.

Ryan has done 'a Boston Rock' with the signing of Aston Villa's 17-year-old striker Nathan Delfouneso. The Birmingham-born youngster has represented England at Under-16, Under-17 and Under-19 level and has joined the title-chasing Muppets for £500,000.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2001/02

Time for another Final from the archives, this time the 2001/02 edition.

San Dimas High School and Kylie Bumcheeks had already fought out a 2-2 draw (San Dimas' Michael Ricketts had scored at both ends) so here's how the reply, on New Year's weekend 2002 in front of a 78,592 attendance at the Millennium Stadium, panned out.

Kylie Bumcheeks 4 v 0 San Dimas High School
Shearer 69 (1)
Carbonari 72og
Kelly 90
Perry 90

The Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy final replay was a rather one-sided affair, with underdogs Kylie Bumcheeks easily defeating an off-colour San Dimas High School 4-0 to win the first silverware of the season. Rich Smith therefore achieves the notable feat of winning a major trophy in his first full season of WSFFL Fantasy League.

Rich elected to stick with the same line-up as the first game. Peej, however, tinkered with his defence, recalling Franck Queudrue and giving youngster J Lloyd Samuel a chance on the big stage. However after a largely forgettable first half, Kylie Bumcheeks exploited the hesitant San Dimas defence, with Shearer going close before finally breaking the deadlock on 69, with a trademark header from a Gary Kelly cross. Kylie then doubled their lead 3 minutes later, San Dimas’ sub Carbonari deflecting another dangerous Kelly cross into his own net.

San Dimas’ defence then crumbled, and man-of-the-match Kelly grabbed a late goal for himself, before Chris Perry sealed the win for Kylie Bumcheeks in injury time.

(Sheriff provided the words again)

The Bumcheeks line up was:
GK - Van der Sar Sub - Walker
DEF - Elliott, Hyypia, Perry, Kelly Sub - Short
MID - Johnston, Savage, Wright, Oakley Sub - Mustoe
ATT - Shearer, Ravanelli Sub - Beattie

And San Dimas would have hoped that this lot could have done better:
GK- Sorensen Sub - Harper
DEF - Queudrue, Terry, Costa, Samuel Sub - Carbonari
MID - Sinclair, Reuser, Svensson, Ziege Sub - Ouaddou
ATT - Ricketts, Kanoute Sub - Burton

There will be more on Kylie Bumcheeks in the next History post but you can probably tell from the names Van der Sar and Hyypia that this team have morphed into the Cow-Faced Juniors.

Of my team John Terry and Steve Harper are still in the squad, Thomas Sorensen and J Lloyd Samuel ae still playing in WSFFL. Overall though, it's a surprise to me that San Dimas were ever favourites for anything!

Week 12 Results

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 0 Final Fantasy XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Real Muppets 1 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
San Dimas High School 1 v 4 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Dead Parrots 0 v 1 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
Trusted By Millions 2 v 3 Dynamo Kev

Groovers go top on goal difference.
Muppets cut the gap to a point.
Seven points cover the top five.

WSFFL History - PCMT Final 2000/01

Continuing the countdown to this season's final (only a month away) here's an old final from the archives. The WSFFL History books only stretch back this far due to an unfortunate computer crash.

Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v Viola's Pier 0
Silvestre 90

This was the first Fantasy Cup Final played at the Millennium Stadium, Cardiff. Fred West Landscape Gardening XI, finally won some silverware, in their 3rd Final. Having previously lost to Claymore Athletic FC and Trusted by Millions in the 1997 and 98 Fantasy FA Cup Finals, on both occasions by 2-1.

In a very closely fought game, dominated by defences, it was a very late goal by Fred West's French International, Mikael Silvestre, that settled this tense affair. With Beckham and Co. winning the midfield battle for supremacy. Viola's defence stood firm, right to the 90th minute, when the game was "sorted" by the six million pound man.

(Match report by Sheriff)

The attendance was 78,592 and the game played on the weekend of 13 January 2001, so the 'Boxing Day' tradition was yet to be set.

Fred's line up that day was;

GK - Given Sub - De Goey
DEF - Brown, Lundekvam, Desailly, Silvestre Sub - Ferrer
MID - Beckham, Vieira, Wise, Ljungberg Sub - Karembeu
ATT - Piercy, Armstrong Sub - Carbone

And Viola's Pier went into the game thus;

GK - Hedman Sub - Van Der Gouw
DEF - Winterburn, Irwin, Rowett, Bridge Sub - Staunton
MID - Johnson, Powell, Magilton, Windass Sub - McAllister
ATT - Gudjohnsen, Quinn Sub - Ferdinand

Viola's Pier were managed by Steve Paul and the franchise is now known as Dynamo Kev.
Mikael Silvestre's winner wasn't a goal but the decisive clean sheet. (For newer players this is how Sheriff, our previous co-ordinator, displayed a scoring clean sheet.)

Some interesting names involved. Some are still playing in WSFFL - Given, Bridge and Silvestre, some are now in the media - Winterburn, Desailly and Ferdinand - and some are involved in other roles. Gary McAllister is Leeds manager, Dennis Wise does something at Newcastle and Niall Quinn is chairman at Sunderland.

And of the lesser lights does anyone remember John Piercy who started up front for Fred?

Week 11 Results

Aardvark Abacus 0 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 0 San Dimas High School
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 0 v 0 Real Muppets
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 4 22 Legged Groove Machine
The Cow-Faced Juniors 0 v 0 Dynamo Kev
The Dead Parrots 1 v 2 Trusted By Millions
York’s Returning Glory 1 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 2 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC

Groovers and Trusted only teams in the top half to win.

WSFFL History - This time last year

As we're a third of the way through the season I thought I'd compare and contrast with last year's table at this stage of the season.

Eleven Imaginary Boys (now the CFJs) were top with 27 points.
Aardvark were next on 22 but surged to the title with only two more defeats
Mega Bucks had third spot with 19 but eventually slipped down the table
Boston Rock, Fred and Claymore all had six wins and four defeats
The Muppets were two points further back and Melwood (now Dynamo Kev) were on the same mark.
The Marmosets (now the Fabulous Artisans) were ninth on 14 points
Trusted and San Dimas had four wins and six defeats in the bank
The Groovers and Nil Satis were on ten points
Final Fantasy were 14th on 8 points, York's had seven
And the Parrots propped up the table with six points.

So...

The CFJs are 14 points and six places worse off than last season
Dangerously, Aardvark have five more points and have hit the top already
Mega Bucks are tenth this time after a recent wobble
Boston Rock are fourth again but have two points more
Fred is three places and five points behind last season's tally
Claymore are down in 13th this time and have won five fewer games
The Muppets have made an excellent start and have seven points more
Melwood are seven places back and half their 2007/8 points total
The Artisans are in the same place but three points worse off
Trusted have six points more and are five places up on last season
San Dimas are also up five places but only have two points more
The Groovers are the big climbers, up nine spots and 12 points
Nil Satis have slipped a place and are two points behind last year
Final Fantasy are two places and three points adrift of last year's score
York's have thee points more and are up four places
The Parrots have improved four places by gaining three more points.

Who's the Man?

As well as a surprise England call-up Michael Mancienne has another reason to celebrate this week.

The Isleworth-born 20-year old has put pen to paper on a lucrative contract with league-leading Aardvark Abacus.

Ady swooped for the Chelsea defender (who's currently on loan at Wolves) after hearing of his call-up and will be paying the youngster a princely FF£750 a week.

Week 10 Results

22 Legged Groove Machine 1 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Claymore Athletic FC 3 v 2 The Dead Parrots
Dynamo Kev 2 v 3 Aardvark Abacus
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Real Muppets 7 v 1 Final Fantasy XI
San Dimas High School 1 v 0 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
Trusted By Millions 2 v 7 The Cow-Faced Juniors

Aardvark keep getting it done.
Groovers still unbeaten.
Claymore get the elusive win.

Oh! Jay Simpson

(It's not my headline. I read it somewhere and found it worth repeating!)

Ben's back from holiday and after a scouting mission to the Emirates Stadium has added Arsenal's Jay Simpson to the Artisans squad.

Simpson joins fellow Gunners youngster Kieran Gibbs in moving to the Artisans as Ben seeks to build a title-winning squad for the 2011/12 WSFFL Season.

2008's Multi-million pound men

It's not impossible that there will be an inter-team transfer at over £10m before the year draws to a close but it is highly unlikely. So, on a quiet night, I thought I'd list 2008's £10m+ signings.

My comments on their performance so far are in brackets.

£18m Jose Bosingwa - Claymore (A shining light for Clive during his poor start)
£17m Shaun Wright-Phillips - Boston Rock (Bound to make an impact soon)
£17m Giovani Dos Santos - Fred West (Yet to make an impression)
£16m Andrea Dossena - Fred West (One of Fred's better performers thus far)
£16m Roman Pavlyuchenko - Groovers (A slow start but signs of warming up)
£16m Robinho - Trusted (Six goals already, looking worth the money)
£13m Jo - Trusted (Beef's other Brazilian has been less convincing)
£13m Afonso Alves - Claymore (Jury still out, can be good or very poor)
£12.5m Carlos Cuellar - Aardvark (Not had much of an opportunity)
£12.5m Martin Skrtel - Artisans (Injured at present but looks a good signing)
£12m Vincent Kompany - Muppets (Not bad, but perhaps a bit pricey)
£11.5m Johan Elmander - Artisans (Has Ben paid over the odds?)
£11m Alan Hutton - Mega Bucks (Injury problems hopefully behind him)

What credit crunch?!

If you have any comments about the ten million-pound men, please drop me a mail.

WSFFL Rulebook - Abandoned games

Watching Blackburn v Chelsea on the weekend I thought it was as close at it's come to a Premier League abandonment for quite some time.

With that in mind I thought I'd stick up a reminder of the abandonment rule if anyone is interested...

In short, when a game is abandoned it is treated the same way as a postponement.

This means, in effect, the game never happened, and any goals scored/clean sheets accumulated do NOT count. It also means, however, that if any manager has players from the abandoned match in their starting line-up or amongst their subs this weekend, they CAN be replaced at any time throughout the weekend, providing that their replacement's team has not kicked off yet.

Week 9 Results

Aardvark Abacus 4 v 3 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 5 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 2 22 Legged Groove Machine
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
The Dead Parrots 1 v 3 San Dimas High School
York’s Returning Glory 3 v 2 Dynamo Kev
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 v 1 Real Muppets

Aardvark back to winning ways.
Boston Rock end the Muppets unbeaten start.
More woe for Claymore.

WSFFL History - PCMT Finals

It is my intention*, as we build up to this season's Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Final, to focus on some of the history of the competition.

I'll start with a list of the previous finals:

2007/08 You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 Claymore Athletic FC 1
2006/07 Trusted By Millions 2 Aardvark Abacus 0
2005/06 Aardvark Abacus 3 Trusted By Millions 2
2004/05 You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 San Dimas High School 0
2003/04 You Know Your Boston Rock FC 5 Final Fantasy XI 2
2002/03 Kylie Bumcheeks 3 Aardvark Abacus 1
2001/02 Kylie Bumcheeks 4 San Dimas High School 0 (after 2-2 draw)
2000/01 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 Viola's Pier 0
1999/00 Real Muppets 3 Woodchester Rovers 1
1998/99 22 Legged Groove Machine 2 Sporting Chance 1 (after 1-1 and 2-2 draws)
1997/98 Claymore Athletic FC 1 Donkey Derby County 0
1996/97 Aardvark Abacus 4 22 Legged Groove Machine 1
1995/96 22 Legged Groove Machine 4 Supersonic Rovers 1

This season's finalists, Aardvark and Boston Rock, have won the trophy five times between them but this will be the first time they have met in the final.

*but of course the road to hell is paved with good intentions!

Week 8 Results - A defeat for Aardvark Abacus

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 2 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Dynamo Kev 1 v 3 Mega Buck Bandits
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Real Muppets 3 v 0 The Dead Parrots
San Dimas High School 1 v 1 Claymore Athletic FC (score corrected from 1-2)
The Cow-Faced Juniors 5 v 3 York’s Returning Glory
The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 1 Final Fantasy XI
Trusted By Millions 3 v 2 Aardvark Abacus

First win for Final Fantasy.
Muppets cut the gap to a single point.

PCMT Semi-Final Results and Reaction

Aardvark Abacus 5 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors

The Dead Parrots 1 v 4 You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Chris Howell, Cow-Faced Juniors manager said: "Well, that's why we have the word 'junior' in our team name, it was totally men against boys tonight & we had no answer. Everything had to go right for us to have a chance & to play without a goalkeeper in hindsight was most probably a mistake. I thought our cow faces would scare off the Aardvaaks but obviously not! Good luck to both finalists on Boxing Day"."

Parrots manager Dean Watts was left "applauding Bentley & Jenas's goals" for Boston Rock and considers that the "'monkey on the back' when playing the Parrots has finally been put to rest".

That left Boston Rock manager with the last word on the semis: "I now hope to go on and retain "my" trophy by wiping the floor with the Aardvark in the Boxing Day showpiece. You know what they say about Aardvarks - crunchy on the outside, soft on the inside..."

Week Seven Results

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 3 Real Muppets
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 0 v 1 Dynamo Kev
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
San Dimas High School 0 v 6 Trusted By Millions
The Dead Parrots 1 v 5 22 Legged Groove Machine
York’s Returning Glory 1 v 2 Aardvark Abacus
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 2 v 0 The Fabulous Artisans

Wins for the top four.

WSFFL Rulebook - How to work out attendances

The first in a very occasional WSFFL rulebook series...

Each game in a WSFFL fixture series has an equation applied to it to determine the game's ranking.
The equation is;

(17-HT)x2 + (17-AT) = CF

HT = Home Team's position in table
AT = Away team's position in table
CF= Crowd Factor

Once the ranking (CF) is determined the top ranked match is given the highest Premier League attendance as its attendance, the second-ranked the second-highest and so on. In the event of any match rankings being equal the highest home team in the table will be given preference.

League matches take preference over Cup replays no matter what the CF ranking may be. The PCMT takes preference over the Charity Shield.

This weekend's top game is the Dead Parrots (in sixth) v The 22-Legged Groove Machine (in third) or;

(17-6)x2 + (17-3) = CF

Or;

22+14 = 36

League attendance money is divided 75/25 in favour of the home team. Cup attendance money is split 50/50. WSFFL spectators pay £12.50 for a 'ticket'.

Comrade Groover!

22 Legged Groove Machine striker Roman Pavlyuchenko has won a seat on a Russian regional council - but will not be ditching life at Birdbrook Road to take it up.

Standing as the sixth-listed candidate for Vladimir Putin's United Russia party, 66.33 per cent support for the party ensured Pavlyuchenko was elected in Stavropol krai, located in the far south west of Russia.

"Roman Pavlyuchenko is a source of pride to Stavropol," said Dmitriy Edelev, Stavropol parliament's United Russia leader.

"He leads a specialist Olympic Reserve School project in the region which is headed up by Duma speaker Boris Gryzlov, so the party representatives in the city decided to include him on the candidate list."

Deputy Pavyluchenko, as he's now obliged to be called, admitted he couldn't fully commit himself but promised to offer a "concrete contribution".

"Because of my profession it won't be easy for me to take part directly in the workings of the city council but I am ready to help with advice and with a concrete contribution to the development possibilities for exercise and sport," he said in the run-up to Sunday's election.

Pavlyuchenko's WSFFL manager, Rich Timms, sounded less than impressed when interviewed about the news on his record signing. "I've had a quiet word with young Pav and warned him about who pays his ****ing wages and to stop all this ****ing comrade bull****!

"It seems the only ****ing concrete contribution he making to the team at the moment is the ****ing concrete boots he appears to be ****ing wearing everytime he crosses that ****ing white line.

"If he doesn't ****ing sort himself out, tout-****ing-suite, and start ****ing banging them in to start paying back some of that ****ing huge fee that I coughed up, the only seat he can be sure of getting, is on my ****ing bench, in the ****ing stand or on the next ****ing plane back to Mother Russia!

"Whaddya mean I sound like ****ing Joe Kinnear? **** off!"

Latest Results

PCMT QF Replays

The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 4 Aardvark Abacus

You Know Your Boston Rock FC 5 v 2 22 Legged Groove Machine

The two 'big guns' head into the last four.

League Week Six

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
Aardvark Abacus 2 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
Dynamo Kev 2 v 2 Final Fantasy XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 5 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Real Muppets 2 v 0 San Dimas High School
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 2 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 4 The Dead Parrots
Trusted By Millions 2 v 1 York’s Returning Glory

Aardvark's lead up to four points, Final Fantasy are off the mark.

Brothers in Arms

It's not unusual for You Know Your Boston Rock FC to field an all-English XI but there was one curiosity about Sheriff's team this weekend.

It may well have been the first instance of brothers (Rio and Anton Ferdinand) lining up together on the same WSFFL team.

If anyone can think of any other occasion when this may have happened please drop me a line. Or perhaps you have other family connections in WSFFL teams past or present.

Over to you...

PCMT Semi-Final Draw

The Dead Parrots v 22 Legged Groove Machine or You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Aardvark Abacus or The Fabulous Artisans v The Cow-Faced Juniors

The matches are scheduled for the 28th & 29th October.

The Parrots are eyeing a first ever PCMT final.
The Groovers lifted the cup in 1998/99 but haven't made a final since.
Boston Rock want their fourth PCMT in six seasons.
Aardvark chase a fifth PCMT Final.
The Artisans look for a first PCMT Final at Ben's first attempt.
The team now known as the CFJ's won the PCMT twice at the start of the decade but have not made a final since.

Viduka no longer a Muppet

Real Muppets manager Ryan Moore has terminated the contract of Mark Viduka with immediate effect.

The Muppets boss paid £11.5 million for the not-so-mobile yet talented, nearly always injured front man but has grown impatient with his unavailability.

Viduka found the net five times last season but has fallen down the Muppets pecking order this term and this has led to speculation that the Aussie striker may now retire.

Ryan's parting shot on the man who picked up a WSFFL Championship medal in 2006/07 was: "bloke's been injured longer than I was...".

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Quarter-final Results

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 2 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Aardvark Abacus 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
Dynamo Kev 0 v 2 The Dead Parrots
York's Returning Glory 1 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors

Replays to take place 18-20 October.

Semi-final draw to be posted in due course.

Manager of the Month

September's award goes to Ady Bevan of Aardvark Abacus. They were the only team with a 100% record in September.

Curious stat while I'm passing - Claymore Athletic FC have played eight games this season, they have drawn six of them 2-2.

If I'm spotting things like that I probably need a holiday - oh, that's right, I'm going one one!

See you in a couple of weeks,

The Co-ordinator

Week 5 Results

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
The Dead Parrots 1 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 6 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 0 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Real Muppets 4 v 0 Trusted By Millions
San Dimas High School 0 v 1 22 Legged Groove Machine
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 v 1 Dynamo Kev

Aardvark's lead by two points from the Groovers.

This week's transfers

You Know Your Boston Rock FC put Chris Samba up for sale on Monday and he is now a Cow-Faced Junior. Chris paid £2m for his services and sold Giorgios Samaras to Celtic to make room for his new addition.

You'll be unsurprised to hear that Sheriff has signed a young English defender to take Samba's place. Gavin Hoyte moves from Arsenal to the Whitby Grove Enormodome.

The WSFFL scouts were busy in midweek. Real Muppets signed Fran Merida Perez from Arsenal and got Rodrigo Possebon to put pen to paper while still in his hospital bed. Lubomir Michalik and Michael Brown leave Ryan's squad.

The 22-Legged Groove Machine were also after Possebon but were two hours later than Ryan's ambulance chasers. Rich has to be satisfied with signing Herita Ilunga from West Ham. Holmar Orn Eyjolfsson is out of the Groovers six weeks or so after joining.

News from the new boy

Ben Warr, manager of WSFFL new boys The Fabulous Artisans, admits his man management skills are being sorely tested in the first few weeks of the new season.

"I think I may have made a mistake in signing Joey Barton" said Ben during a break in training at the Artisans' Town Gardens practice ground.

"He's already beaten up 3 other players, the first team coach, and a couple of passing schoolboys who he said were looking at him in a funny way. On top of which Michael Chopra has had to go back in to Rehab because Joey had him out on the town before Michael had even got changed following his brace of goals playing for Sunderland last week.

"And that's another thing" spouted the thrusting young manager, visibly getting up a head of steam, "every time I leave a player out of the side they seem to turn up playing for an EPL team and inevitably scoring goals left, right and centre.

"First Chris Brunt for WBA, then Mark Noble for West Ham and finally Michael for Sunderland. I've asked the chairman to take a look at their contracts but he just mumbled something about extortionate wage bills and having to make ends meet and he told me that I'd better not ask too many questions or I might find myself back on civvy street toot bloody sweet.

"All of these European sugar daddies around and we ended up with a cock-er-nee hod carrier who got lucky renting hovels to Eastern European prostitutes. I ask you!"

Ben then had to cut short the interview as Craig Bellamy had decided to lay into Darius Vassell for no apparent reason. It seems all is not well in the Artisans camp - best of luck Ben, you're going to need it!

Dynamo Kev - news from Gainsborough Avenue Stadium

Having slipped in their building schedule, Bodge-it & Scarper (Builders) have finally announced that the new Covingham Park Stadium is available from the 1st November.
Invitations to attend the House-warming party will be announced shortly . Everyone is welcome, with the exception of Mr Dean Watts Esquire, who may choose to remain in the Southern Hemisphere.

Team News - Dynamo Kev

Fabricio Coloccini knocked on my door this morning to offer his apologies at being a pants defender. Knowing that I had tracked, and subsequently bid for him at the recent auction, The Robert Plant doppelganger admitted that he was finding it hard to settle in England. He hadn't been able to purchase a decent washing machine, and was spending far too much time in Wooton Bassett High Street Laundromat attempting to launder his socks, which he said were too tight. I reminded him of the time that I washed the Kylies' playing kit and that seemed to cheer him up.

'Rocket and Robin' seemed to have left their shooting boots back in pre-season, although Van Persie did net last week against Claymore Athletic in the league, and Fred West in the League Cup. Santa Cruz blamed the arrival of his brother for his dismal performances. Nigel 'Hotshot' Reo-Coker is still celebrating his first goal for the club, and having contributed to Dynamo's POTW award in week 3, seems to have justified his re-signing from the pool recently. Pablo Zabaleta, the Argentinian defender born across the River Plate in view of the Fray Bentos factory, won Dynamo Kev's first win this week with an impressive clean-sheet. Asked if he actually liked corned-beef he said that he was a vegetarian and preferred Venezuelan-Beaver cheese instead.

There are injury worries on Michael Carrick, Samir Nasri, Jonas Gutierrez and Abou Diaby ahead of week 5's clash against an impressive YKYBR FC. The physios are doing what they can to get the wounded ready in time.

Kev Gunning - Dynamo Kev Supremo

Samba Surplus at Boston Rock

You Know Your Boston Rock manager David Rose has transfer-listed defender Christopher Samba.

Rose told the WSFFL co-ordinator: "I've informed him that he's not part of my first team plans and he's asked for a move. I'll listen to sensible offers for a regularly playing defender who provides a legitimate goal threat at set pieces."

Samba was a £500k signing in February 2007 replacing injury-prone defender Danny Gabbidon who's now at San Dimas High School.

'Big Chris' found the net twice last season and also added seven clean sheets in all competitions as Boston Rock won the PCMT and reached the FA Cup Final.

Week 4 Results

PCMT 1st Round 2nd Replay

Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors

League Week 4

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 2 Real Muppets
Aardvark Abacus 1 v 0 Final Fantasy XI
Dynamo Kev 2 v 1 The Dead Parrots
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 v 1 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 0 San Dimas High School
Trusted By Millions 3 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
York’s Returning Glory 0 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

Aardvark go two points clear at the top.

High School Musical Chairs

Injury-hit San Dimas High School have made some personnel changes ahead of this week's fixture against the Fabulous Artisans.

Out go Phil Bardsley, Nicky Featherstone and Tomasz Cwyka. The last two named can consider themselves especially unlucky as they had been earmarked as hot prospects for the future.

Into manager Paul Garratt's squad come defender Maynor Figueroa, midfielder Craig Gardner and attacker Mustapha Riga.

Whether any of these prove to be long-term fixtures or simply stopgaps remains to be seen.

WSFFL Week 4 Match of the Week Preview

The Week 4 Match of the Week sees the 22 Legged Groove Machine host Real Muppets.

The second-placed Groovers have won every match so far this season, all by a 2-1 margin. Nil Satis, the Artisans and Trusted have been defeated in the league, San Dimas were the victims in the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy.

Rich's team have shared the goals around and found the odd clean sheet in their victories so far. They'll need to be at their best as they face the team one place, and two points, behind them this weekend.

Real Muppets opened the season with an 8-2 demolition of Dynamo Kev, Gabriel Agbonlahor bagging WSFFL's first hat-trick of the season. The second match saw Ryan's XI scrape past Nil Satis with a Groovers like 2-1 performance.

The PCMT saw the Muppets first defeat of the campaign. A brave effort with a weakened team brought only a 3-0 defeat at York's. The hangover from that match was evident in week three of the league as the Muppets conceded a late clean sheet to draw with the Artisans.

Ryan could have last season's WSFFL Golden Boot Cristiano Ronaldo back in his line-up which will give his team a boost. The Groovers will bank on the majority of the expected 45,000+ crowd to encourage them to a fourth straight league victory.

San Dimas Delight at Terry Verdict

San Dimas High School manager Paul Garratt breathed a sigh of relief when it was announced that influential skipper John Terry had won his appeal against his red card.

Terry was controversially dismissed in the 1-1 draw against Nil Satis but the verdict means he will be available for the forthcoming matches against improving The Fabulous Artisans and the pace-setting 22 Legged Groove Machine.

San Dimas, who failed to strengthen at the transfer window auction, have already lost Michael Essien, Tuncay and Habib Beye to long-term injuries so could ill-afford losing a key player like Terry to suspension.

Schuster takes a pop at Trusted

Real Madrid head coach Bernd Schuster has made a sensational dig at Andy Perfitt's Trusted By Millions.

There's bad blood between the two camps after Robinho's shock £16m transfer from Madrid but Schuster made it quite clear he was unimpressed by the Brazilian's move.

The German told Spanish newspaper Marca: "We have to understand that his dream is to be a good player in a mediocre English team and we have to respect him".

Now Beef's team may not have made the best start to the season but it's a bit early to be labelling them mediocre!

This week's results

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round

Dynamo Kev 3 v 1 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
(Dynamo home to the Parrots in the quarters)

Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy 1st Round Replay

The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
(Chris and Clive try again next week)

League Week 3

22 Legged Groove Machine 2 v 1 Trusted By Millions
Claymore Athletic FC 2 v 2 Dynamo Kev
The Dead Parrots 4 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Final Fantasy XI 0 v 2 York’s Returning Glory
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
Real Muppets 2 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans
San Dimas High School 1 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 4 v 5 Aardvark Abacus

(Aardvark and the Groovers are the last teams with 100% records)

The ones that got away

While this week's games were taking place the following players were banging them in for the 'reserves' and staking a claim for future selection.

Marlon King (2) - Cow-Faced Juniors
Roman Bednar - Cow-Faced Juniors
Mido - Trusted By Millions
James Morrison - Real Muppets
Chris Brunt - Fabulous Artisans
Mark Noble - Fabulous Artisans

Claymore Athletic FC Focus on Replay

After a thrilling 2-2 draw in the 1st round of the Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy, Claymore Athletic FC will battle it out again with The Cow-Faced Juniors for the right to face York’s Returning Glory in the Quarter Finals. This will be the third time the two teams have met in as many game weeks. Previously drawing 2-2 (again) in the League. Claymore’s manager, Clive Fenwick, concedes that the game will be tough “the two teams are getting to know each other rather well” said the long-serving boss. “However, I am confident that we can pull it off (not sure what it is they intend to pull - editor) even with the injuries to key players. I believe our squad is strong enough to get a result”.

New signing, David Di Michele, is unlikely to feature, as he acclimatises to the great British weather. The 32 year old striker, signed from Torino on Monday, for £500,000, is expected to challenge Rooney, Owen and Alves for a starting place, in the not too distant future.

York's Get Dyer

York's Returning Glory have completed the signing of injury-prone midfielder Kieron Dyer for half a million pounds.

Dyer had been looking for a new club since leaving Nil Satis earlier this week and York's' manager Julian Winterburn has decided to give him a chance to relaunch his career.

Dyer's broken leg has kept him out of the game for over a year but he could prove a useful addition to last season's bottom-placed side if he regains the form that brought him 33 international caps.

England hero has eyes on San Dimas start

England's hat-trick hero Theo Walcott has set his sights on his next challenge - a regular place in the San Dimas High School starting line-up.

Walcott, 19, has had to be patient since joining 'The Saints' in February 2006, but he hopes his England performance has sent a message to his club manager Paul Garratt.

San Dimas boss Garratt is less sure that his £13m signing is ready for an extended run in the team. He said: "WSFFL is a squad game, Theo realises that. He has a part to play and will hopefully become a big player at this club in years to come.

"We've got a tough game against Nil Satis this weekend and I'll be picking a team to try to deliver three points. Whether that includes Theo - we'll have to wait and see."

Groovers smash transfer record

Rich Timms, manager of the unbeaten 22 Legged Groove Machine, smashed his team's transfer record at Monday's transfer window auction.

Tottenham Hotspur agreed to sell Roman Pavlyuchenko to the Groovers for £16m, £6m more than Rich's previous record holder Louis Saha. Saha was on the move himself, joining Nil Satis Nisi Optimum for £8m.

Big spenders of the night were Boston Rock who brought in over £30m worth of talent including top-priced Shaun Wright-Phillips for £17m.

Busiest manager was Kevin Gunning, the Dynamo Kev supremo. Kev brought in six players including Zabaleta, Coloccini, Degen and Rosicky and shipped out three.

San Dimas, Mega Bucks and Final Fantasy all left empty-handed.

PCMT Quarter-Final Draw

22-Legged Groove Machine v You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Aardvark Abacus v The Fabulous Artisans

York's Returning Glory v Claymore Athletic or The Cow-Faced Juniors

Dynamo Kev or Fred West Landscape Gardening XI v The Dead Parrots

Games to be played weekend of 4 October.