Week 12 Results

Aardvark Abacus 2 v 0 Athletico Phoenix
Final Fantasy XI 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 2 v 1 Real Muppets
The Dead Parrots 0 v 2 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 9 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 San Dimas High School
York’s Returning Glory 1 v 2 Bassett Allsorts

Let's start with an if. If the Artisans had beaten Fred this week Ben would have cut the gap between the two teams to seven points and won Manager of the Month. You win nothing with ifs. Trailing 2-1 at half-time the Artisans were put to the sword by Fred's team, an inspired Dimitar Berbatov leading the way. The Bulgarian doubled his season's goal tally from five to ten in little over an hour. Everything Fred touched turned to gold this week. His team scored two of the four clean sheets that took place and Martin Skrtel slid in one of the two own goals. Crazy stuff. Boston Rock are hanging on to Fred's coat-tails after victory over 'bogey team' Dead Parrots. Sheriff had been held until the last ten minutes but then Micah Richards threw an outrageous dummy before firing home from the edge of the box and Jack Wilshere stooped to head his first WSFFL goal at the far post as time ran out.

Trusted are in third but lost ground with a 2-2 draw against San Dimas. Stephen Hunt bundled in his first goal for my team with nine minutes left to put me 2-1 up but a flukey deflection of Sylvan Distin six minutes later robbed me of a couple of points. The CFJs are three points further back after a come-from-behind victory at Mega Bucks. Dave's team were 2-1 up through headers by Evatt and Varney but a Samba header with seven minutes left levelled things and then Matt Etherington and a first of the season from Aaron Lennon in stoppage time gave Chris the win.

The Muppets have dropped away to fifth after a run of four points out of 18. It was another defeat for Ryan despite Chris Brunt's exquisite 'postage stamp' free-kick against Nil Satis. Tim Cahill (surprise!) with a header (surprise!) squared the game before half-time and then Lars Jacobsen got the winning clean for Paul shortly after half-time. The Aardvarks are back in the top half after beating the Phoenix 2-0. Brian's team held out until 11 minutes into the second-half when Marouane Chamakh beat the offside trap and slid home. An intricate passing move in the last minute teed up Mark Davies to finish the job and keep Brian on the bottom.

Bassett Allsorts beat York's to make it three wins out of four for Ben in November. Andy Wilkinson got the deciding clean just after the hour after Salomon Kalou (for Ben) and Samir Nasri (for Julian) had both scored in first-half stoppage time. Last up this week Final Fantasy's draw against Claymore. Seb Larsson's first goal of the year and then Andrei Arshavin put Ceri two-up before the break but Clive must have got stuck into his team at half-time. Two recent signings, Victor Obinna and Tom Cleverley (well-placed effort that one), both scored their first Claymore goals to bag their team's first point of the month.

Team Stats 2009/10

Sometimes I think I need help to deal with my stats addiction. Someone else must be interested...mustn't they?

Highest score

All Comps - Trusted By Millions 9 Claymore Athletic FC 2 (FAC R1)
League - Real Muppets 8 The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 (League Week 4)

Biggest margin of victory

Trusted By Millions 9 Claymore Athletic FC 2 (FAC R1)
Real Muppets 8 The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 (League Week 4)
Fred West LG XI 7 The Dead Parrots 0 (League Week 5)

Highest scoring match

Trusted By Millions 9 Claymore Athletic FC 2 (FAC R1)
Boston Rock 7 The Fabulous Artisans 4 (League Week 10)
Boston Rock 6 Fred West LG XI 5 (League Week 25)

Unbeaten run

All comps - 13 games - Boston Rock (weeks 20-30 plus FAC semi and final)
League - 11 games - Boston Rock (weeks 20-30)

Without a win

All comps - 9 games - Bassett Allsorts (weeks 15-22 plus FAC R1), San Dimas High School (weeks 11-18 plus FAC R1), York's Returning Glory (weeks 18-24 plus FAC SF and FAC SF Replay)
League - 8 games - Bassett Allsorts (weeks 15-22), Final Fantasy (weeks 17-24), Mega Buck Bandits (weeks 23-30), San Dimas High School (weeks 11-18)

Consecutive wins

All comps - 7 games - Boston Rock (weeks 21-26 plus FAC semi-final)
League - 7 games - Real Muppets (weeks 16-22)

Consecutive defeats

All comps - 7 games - Mega Buck Bandits (weeks 2-7 and PCMT R1)
League - 6 games - Bassett Allsorts (weeks 8-13), Final Fantasy (weeks 19-24), Mega Buck Bandits (weeks 2-7),  York's Returning Glory (weeks 19-24)

Consecutive games scoring

All comps - 23 games - Boston Rock (weeks 1-18 plus PCMT 1, QF, SF, F and FAC 1 and QF)
League - 18 games - Boston Rock (weeks 1-18)

Consecutive games without a goal

All comps - 5 games - York's Returning Glory (weeks 19-23)

Consecutive clean sheets

All comps - 3 games - Athletico Phoenix (weeks 21-23), Claymore (weeks 26-28), Fred west LG XI (weeks 27-29), The Cow-Faced Juniors (week 16 plus FAC 1 and QF), Trusted (weeks 11-13 and weeks 27-29)
League - 3 games - Athletico Phoenix (weeks 21-23), Claymore (weeks 26-28), Fred west LG XI (weeks 27-29), Nil Satis (weeks 1-3), Trusted (weeks 11-13 and weeks 27-29)

Consecutive games conceding

All comps -  21 games- Claymore Athletic FC (weeks 6-25 plus FAC 1)
League - 20 games - Claymore Athletic FC (weeks 6-25)

Total games scoring

All comps - 36 games - The Cow-Faced Juniors and You Know Your Boston Rock FC
League - 29 games - You Know Your Boston Rock FC

Total games without a goal

All comps - 18 games - York's Returning Glory
League - 18 games - York's Returning Glory

Total clean sheets

All comps - 13 games - The Cow-Faced Juniors
League - 10 games - The Cow-Faced Juniors

Total games conceding

All comps - 30 games - The Dead Parrots and York's Returning Glory
League - 26 games - York's Returning Glory

WSFFL - Week 11 Results

Athletico Phoenix 1 v 6 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Bassett Allsorts 0 v 2 Final Fantasy XI
Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
Real Muppets 2 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
San Dimas High School 2 v 2 The Dead Parrots
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 0 Trusted By Millions
York’s Returning Glory 3 v 4 The Fabulous Artisans
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 6 v 1 Aardvark Abacus

Crushing victories for Fred and Boston Rock mark them out as title favourites. Fred's win over the Phoenix was hardly unexpected with Brian's team in a poor run of form but the unbeaten 'Gardeners' turned in a merciless second-half after just edging the first 45 minutes. Danny Wellbeck netted twice, Patrice Evra contributed a goal and a clean and Rafael van der Vaart converted a penalty. Is this one of the best unbeaten starts to a season? I wish I had the time to find out. The fact that Pablo Zabaleta scored the goal of the game no consolation to Brian as the result had ramifications at the bottom of the table too. Final Fantasy won 2-0 at Bassett Allsorts to lift themselves off the foot of the table for the first time in five weeks at Brian's expense. Morten Gamst Pedersen had gone cold over the last couple of seasons but scored both goals for Ceri.

Back to the happy end of the table and Boston Rock back to second place after a demolition of the Aardvarks. The result can't have come as a huge surprise looking at the teams respective positions but the manner of it surely was.  Glen Johnson has taken some flak for poor performances recently but struck the first goal and picked up a clean for Sheriff. Marouane Chamakh had equalised from a tight angle within ten minutes but another Andy Carroll goal and several clean sheets gave Boston Rock if not the biggest certainly one of the biggest over their old rivals. Ady has a month to sort things out before the PCMT Final. Trusted drop to third after slipping to defeat at the CFJs. Chris turning into quite the legend killer this season having beaten Boston Rock, the Aardvarks and put four past Fred. A bit more consistency and they could be in the title shake-up.

The Muppets are up to fourth after ending their three-match losing streak. I'm not saying Ryan has a one man team but he sure plays better when Carlos Tevez fires. The Argentinian scored both Muppets goals after Luke Varney's great strike from out wide had Mega Bucks ahead in three minutes. The Parrots lost ground after a draw with San Dimas. Two of the league's top goalscorers lined up in this match and they left with another two each. Johan Elmander had my team looking at victory before Kevin Davies completed his brace with a last-minute penalty.

The Artisans have made their way into a top half but needed clean sheets to see off a tough York's efforts. Samir Nasri, Maxi Rodriguez against his old club and Zoltan Gera had Julian 3-1 to the good with 20 minutes to go but Begovic, Givet and Skrtel cleans keep Ben's good run going. last up on match of the Day this week, the Evertonian Derby. Another victory for Nil Satis thanks to the Dynamic Duo Cahill and Arteta sees Paul jump over friendly rival Clive in the table. Claymore at least troubling the scorers with a Roger Johnson clean.

Market Moves

A bit of transfer business ahead of the week 11 matches to report.

Title-chasing trusted By Millions have signed Claymore cast-off Steed Malbranque. Athletico Phoenix have bolstered their defence with a move for Pascal Chimbonda. Another defensive re-shuffle at San Dimas High School sees Neil Eardley join the club.

The players leaving the WSFFL and dropping down a level to something called the Premier League are Wayne Routledge, Tamir Cohen and James Perch.

Week 10 Results

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 1 San Dimas High School
Final Fantasy XI 1 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 0 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 4 v 0 Claymore Athletic FC
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 3 Bassett Allsorts
The Dead Parrots 3 v 2 The Cow-Faced Juniors
The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 0 Athletico Phoenix
Trusted By Millions 2 v 1 Real Muppets

As I haven't seen a kick of this week's matches this report will be a mix of stats and what I've read. Fred takes a third turn at the top this season after beating previous leaders Boston Rock through late goals from Nemanja Vidic and Danny Wellbeck (his first WSFFL goal I think). Being top a third of the way through the season is no guarantee of going on to the title though. In the last three seasons only the Aardvarks in 2008/9 led at this stage and won the league. Hope for Sheriff (and some of the rest of us) in that Boston Rock only had 16 points at this stage last year and stil took the title. Trusted have separated Fred and Sheriff in the table after a 2-1 win over the Muppets. Surely the quickest WSFFL own goal in many years as Richard Stearman headed into his own net in the first minute on his recall to Beef's team. Two clean sheets gave Trusted all the points though and condemned the Muppets to a third straight league defeat. That hasn't happened since March 2009.

The Parrots are up to fourth after a come-from-behind win over the CFJs. Gareth Bale had put Chris two up but a late Kenwyne Jones goal and two cleans turned the table for Dean. The Parrots haven't occupied such a lofty position in the three and a bit seasons I've been doing this job. This time three years ago they were bottom with six points Aardvark and San Dimas started the weekend 7th and 8th and that's where they stayed. Another goal from Johan Elmander which involved some sort of pirouette apparently but Kevin Foley levelled for Ady shortly afterwards.

The Artisans joined those two teams just mentioned on 14 points after a 2-0 win over the Phoenix. Midfielders Albrighton Young geting the goals in a five-minute spell in the second half. Brian's team won two of their first three games but have only picked up two points since and haven't scored for four matches. Mega Bucks stuffed Claymore 4-0 and join Clive on 11 points. That's 11 goals conceded for Claymore without reply in November.

York's are also on 11 points after a draw with bottom-placed Final Fantasy. Peter Crouch netted his first of the season for Julian but the recalled Jose Enrique got the equalising clean for Ceri. A third win of the season for Bassett Allsorts came at Nil Satis' expense. Roman Pavlyuchenko's goal was cancelled by Paul's Mr Reliable Tim Cahill but Ben had cleans from Brede Hangeland and a first of the season from Herita Ilunga to complete the win.

PCMT Semi-final results

The Fabulous Artisans 3 Aardvark Abacus 5
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 3 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0

The big two make it three Paul Cartmell Memorial Finals in a row after seeing off their semi-final opponents. Boston Rock, going for four in a row in this competition, had to wait until the second half for a breakthrough against Nil Satis. Andy Carroll powered a bullet header home two minutes after the re-start and then comfortably saw out the game, DJ Campbell scored his first Boston Rock goal (a shot from the edge of the box that took a bit of a deflection) then Rio Ferdinand adding a clean sheet for good measure. 

There were goals galore in the other semi. Marouane Chamakh had the Aardvarks ahead within 40 seconds but the Artisans were ahead before an hour was up with goals from Stewart Downing and Hugo Rodallega. Asamoah Gyan had Ady's team back on terms on 67 minutes but when James Collins squeezed a header in on 89 minutes Ben was dreaming of Wembley. The dream will have to wait. Rather than rest on their lead the Artisans pushed forward giving Chamakh the chance to break away and equalise. That goal broke Artisans hearts and cleans from Cech and Kompany sent Ady through and gives the chance of some PCMT revenge in the Boxing Day Final.

Week 9 Results

Bassett Allsorts 3 v 0 Mega Buck Bandits
Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 7 Trusted By Millions
Final Fantasy XI 2 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans
Real Muppets 0 v 5 The Dead Parrots
San Dimas High School 0 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
York’s Returning Glory 2 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 0 Athletico Phoenix

Another draw for Fred means Boston Rock go back to the top spot. Sheriff's team only managed one goal, an Andy Carroll header, against a determined Athletico Phoenix but it was enough for him to leapfrog Fred after the Gardeners spent five weeks at number one. Fred was held to a goalless draw at San Dimas, playing in front of the biggest crowd of the week for the first time in two seasons, but a dour 0-0 won't see too many of the 75,000+ rushing back.

If it's goals you want then Trusted were the team to watch this week. I've had a go at Beef's plodding start to the season more than once but this is more of what we expect. Claymore had no answer to doubles from Torres and Park in particular and suffered his biggest league defeat. (Although Trusted did batter Clive's team 9-2 in the Cup last season so he's got previous). Goals galore at the Muppets too but no one would have been expecting all five to be scored by the Parrots. Dean's team had gone quiet after a good start but Kevin Davies led the onslaught with a brace, Alan Hutton curled a superb goal from outside the box and two cleans completed the rout.

The Parrots are up to sixth, one place behind the CFJs who added the Aardvarks to their list of scalps this season. Frederic Piquionne put Chris ahead but when Asamoah Gyan levelled on 86 minutes it looked like Ady had rescued a point but it wasn't to be. A Martin Petrov breakaway goal and then Nedum Onuoha with a clean inflicted a fourth Aardvark defeat of the season. It's not great form that Ady's taking into his PCMT semi-final. The Aardvark's opponents in midweek are the Artisans who finally got a return on their Mario Balotelli money. The £27m striker scored two quick goals in the first half and Marc Albrighton made it three against Final Fantasy by half-time. Ceri hit back in the second half through Morten Gamst Pedersen's free-kick before Balotelli saw red. Cameron Jerome immediately reduced the deficit further but Ceri couldn't make the extra man pay. Ben will appeal against Balotelli's suspension and hope he can make the semi-final.

Final Fantasy are three points adrift at the bottom now after the Allsorts won their second game of the season. Ben left it late to beat Mega Bucks but Roman Pavlyuchenko's spectacular volley on 87 minutes was quickly followed by a Brede Hangeland header and a Tim Krul clean. Dave's Bandits have the league's leakiest defence at the moment. York's have made a better fist of it so far this season and came from 2-0 down to grab a point against Nil Satis. Paul was ahead through yet another Tim Cahill header and a Seamus Coleman strike but those goals were cancelled out by Gretar Steinsson and an Anton Ferdinand clean.

Week 8 Results

Aardvark Abacus 1 v 0 Real Muppets
Athletico Phoenix 0 v 2 San Dimas High School
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 4 v 4 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Mega Buck Bandits 2 v 1 York’s Returning Glory
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 0 Final Fantasy XI
The Dead Parrots 0 v 3 Claymore Athletic FC
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 4 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Trusted By Millions 2 v 0 Bassett Allsorts

What a way for the old Cromwell Street Stadium to sign off before it closes and Fred moves his franchise to South Africa. The Gardeners had only conceded four goals in seven league games before the game but were 4-1 down at half-time. Benjani, Anelka and two from Dempsey had put the CFJs in a strong position but a bizarre Nani goal put Fred back in the game with six minutes to go and they dug deep to find two cleans to get a point and keep their unbeaten record. The lead is down to a point as Boston Rock keep up their bid for back-to-back titles. It was another strange game that took place at the Goddard Stadium. A Kevin Nolan hat-trick (he's now the league's top scorer) and a last minute Darren Bent goal appeared to have completed a comfortable win for Sheriff but the Artisans then threw the clean sheet kitchen sink at their opponents only to come up one short.

The Muppets were in second but have dropped two places after defeat to Aardvark Abacus. One goal settled this one, an Emmanuel Adebayor penalty on 23 minutes, and was absolutely vital for Ady's team if they have any title aspirations. Ryan's Muppets have also dropped behind Trusted who picked up another victory without being convincing. It took cleans from Ridgewell and Carragher for Beef to beat the struggling Allsorts.

It's a surprise for me to San Dimas nearer the top than the bottom. First goals of the season from Nenad Milijas and Yakubu beat Athletico Phoenix. Brian's team aren't conceding many but are missing the cutting edge of Robin van Persie. The Dead Parrots close out the top half of the table but suffered a comprehensive home defeat to Claymore. The action came late down under, Branislav Ivanovic netting for Clive on 84 minutes who then added a couple of cleans for good measure.

Ahead of their big PCMT semi-final against the holders Nil Satis are quietly going about their business. It was a single goal victory for Paul over Final Fantasy thanks to a John Heitinga clean and it keeps Ceri bottom. Mega Buck Bandits pulled a few points clear of their Okus rivals with a win over York's. Adam and Varney scoring for Dave, a Luke Young clean coming too late for Julian.