Own Goals

Do they even out? Do they make a difference? No idea but let's keep count anyway.

I've started on 2023/24 which is the first season I have full records.

All league games unless stated.

Totals

8 - Trusted By Millions (two PCMT)

5 - FW LG XI

5 - The Fabulous Artisans

4 - Aardvark Abacus

4 - Mega Buck Bandits

4 - Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

4 - San Dimas High School (one Charity Shield)

4 - Wheel Madrid

3 - Cheese Makers

3 - Stanley and Gracie United

3 - The Wateringhole Society (one FA Cup)

2 - Claymore Athletic FC (one PCMT)

2 - YTFIB (one PCMT)

1 - Garth Crooks' Team of the Week

1 - Real Muppets

1 - The Cow-Faced Juniors

2025/26

3 - Trusted By Millions (two PCMT)

2 - Stanley and Gracie United

2 - The Fabulous Artisans

1 - Cheese Makers

1 - Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

1 - San Dimas High School

1 - YTFIB

2024/25

3 - Mega Buck Bandits

2 - Cheese Makers

2 - The Fabulous Artisans

2 - Trusted By Millions

2 - Wheel Madrid

1 - Aardvark Abacus

1 - Claymore Athletic FC (PCMT)

1 - Garth Crooks' Team of the Week

1 - Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

1 - San Dimas High School

1 - Stanley and Gracie United

2023/24

5 - FW LG XI

3 - Aardvark Abacus

3 - The Wateringhole Society (one FA Cup)

3 - Trusted By Millions

2 - Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

2 - San Dimas High School (one Charity Shield)

2 - Wheel Madrid

1 - Claymore Athletic FC

1 - Mega Buck Bandits

1 - Real Muppets

1 - The Cow-Faced Juniors

1 - The Fabulous Artisans

1 - YTFIB (PCMT)

Week 15 Results - Halfway There

Cheese Makers 1 v 1 Aardvark Abacus 

Mega Buck Bandits 5 v 0 San Dimas High School 

Real Muppets 0 v 0 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 

Stanley and Gracie United 2 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC

The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors

The Wateringhole Society 3 v 2 Garth Crooks' Team of the Week

Wheel Madrid 2 v 1 Markian United

YTFIB 2 v 0 Trusted By Millions

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Fabulous Artisans	15	11	2	2	34	21	13	35
2	The Wateringhole Society	15	11	0	4	45	24	21	33
3	Real Muppets	15	9	2	4	40	23	17	29
4	Aardvark Abacus	15	7	5	3	31	19	12	26
5	Stanley and Gracie United	15	7	4	4	30	25	5	25
6	Claymore Athletic FC	15	7	3	5	28	24	4	24
7	The Cow-Faced Juniors	15	6	3	6	31	30	1	21
8	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	15	5	5	5	21	28	-7	20
9	Markian United	15	5	4	6	23	22	1	19
10	Mega Buck Bandits	15	6	1	8	22	31	-9	19
11	Cheese Makers	15	5	3	7	24	32	-8	18
12	San Dimas High School	15	4	5	6	19	32	-13	17
13	Trusted By Millions	15	3	4	8	24	28	-4	13
14	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	15	3	4	8	19	26	-7	13
15	YTFIB	15	3	3	9	18	33	-15	12
16	Wheel Madrid	15	2	4	9	15	26	-11	10

he Artisans have the hallway lead after a 2-1 win over the CFJs. Was Florian Wirtz offside when he levelled in this one? What are the rules? What are rules for that matter? Anyway, it counted and Bart Verbruggen’s clean was Ben's winner. There was a late winner for the Wateringhole too. Kiran’s team bounced back from PCMT Final disappointment with a 3-2 win over GC TotW. Ollie’s team led twice, the second time thanks to a brilliant Brian Brobbey effort, but Cody Gakpo arrived at the back post four minutes into injury time to nab the points.

The supercomputer thinks the league is between the top two. Has it written the Muppets off too soon? Ryan’s team were held 0-0 by Nil Satis this week to fall six points behind. The Aardvarks also drew, 1-1 with Cheese Makers, to lose ground. Ollie Watkins’ goal just before halftime levelled just after by Tijjani Reijnders.

SGU and Claymore are fifth and sixth after their 2-2 draw this week. Thierno Barry looked to have won it for Clive in injury time but Enzo Fernadez struck even later to grab Aaron a point. Markian are top of the bottom half after a 2-1 defeat at Wheel Madrid. John McGinn’s two goals have Wheels on double figure points but still at the foot at the table.

Mega Bucks are up to tenth after dispatching San Dimas 5-0. There were two goals from Declan Rice for Dave. YTFIB avoided bottom spot by beating Trusted 2-0. Nathan Collins headed in and Nick Pope got the clean they see Beef’s team just three points off the bottom.

2025/26 - Paul Cartmell Memorial Trophy Final

The Cow-Faced Juniors 4

Wissa 7

Welbeck 32p

Gabriel 48, [c77]

v

The Wateringhole Society 0

(two cancelled cleans)

At Wembley,  Attendance: 90,000

Teams

CFJs (3-4-3)

Perri; Gabriel, Todino, Scarles; Wissa, Damsgaard, Eze, Pino; Gyokeres, Johnson, Welbeck

Subs: Mamardashvili; Jimenez; Soucek; Strand Larsen

Wateringhole (5-4-1)

Leno; Gusto, Thiaw, Saliba, Frimpong, Dias; Hudson-Odoi, Mount, Saka, Barnes; Ekitike

Subs: Vicario; van Hecke; Mitoma; Gakpo

Report

After a 6-1 win when the teams met before Christmas Kiran's team were a strong favourite. The CFJs had failed to score more than once in a game since week 10, the Wateringhole had bagged at least three in every game since week eight.

Both teams stuck with their formations from that week 14 game and it was the attacking CFJs line up that struck first, fit again Yoane Wissa poking in from close range. The Wateringhole had a great chance to level just after the half hour mark when Hugo Ekitike headed sideways with the goal begging. It got worse for Kiran straight away when his team conceded a penalty with Danny Welbeck converting. A second penalty was awarded five minutes later but this time Welbeck’s failed Panenka hit the bar.

The Cows did get a third early in the second half, Gabriel bundling home from a corner. There was no response from the Society and Gabriel could take an early clean to get the applause from the CFJs fans and complete the rout.

It’s the third win for the CFJs in the competition - the first since 2013/14. The Wateringhole’s wait for the WSFFL Grand Slam continues...

--

How They Got There

Semi-finals

The Wateringhole Society 4 v 3 Aardvark Abacus (after 3-3 draw)
Trusted By Millions 0 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors 

Quarter-finals

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 2 Real Muppets 

San Dimas High School 0 v 1 Trusted By Millions 

The Cow-Faced Juniors 5 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC

YTFIB 1 v 3 The Wateringhole Society

First Round

Aardvark Abacus 4 v 3 The Fabulous Artisans 

Cheese Makers 0 v 4 YTFIB (after 2-2 draw)

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 0 Stanley and Gracie United 

Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 1 The Wateringhole Society

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 3 Trusted By Millions 

Real Muppets 3 v 0 Markian United (after 2-2 draw)

The Cow-Faced Juniors 3 v 2 Garth Crooks' Team of the Week (after 1-1 draw)

Wheel Madrid 0 v 2 San Dimas High School

2025/26 - Charity Shield Final

Cheese Makers 3

Joao Pedro 37

Reijnders 48

Jimenez 85

v

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 1

Martinez [c88]

(no cancelled cleans)

At Old Trafford,  Attendance: 

Teams

Cheese (4-4-2)

Raya Martin; Ballard, Robertson, Lewis, Geertruida; Murphy, O'Reilly, Reijnders, Jones; Jimenez, Joao Pedro        

Subs: Bayindir; Milenkovic; Casemiro, Gordon

GC TotW (5-4-1)

Victor; Martinez, Konate, Lewis-Skelly, Romero, Veltman; Martinelli, Gibbs-White, Grealish, Rigg; Brobbey

Subs: Jorgensen; Wan-Bissaka, Elliott, Kalimuendo

Report

Cheese Makers came into the final in confident mood with just two defeats in their last ten games. GC TotW were shorn of two of their best players in Mohamed Salah (AFCON) and Bruno Fernandes (injury) so lined up in a 5-4-, looking to keep it tight and try to nick it.

That worked up until eight minutes before half time when an in-swinging corner flicked off Joao Pedro and in to put Matthew’s team one up. The lead was doubled three minutes after the interval. Tijjani Reijnders finished off a slick move, firing under John Victor.

Five minutes from time Raul Jimenez planted a header from six yards into the far corner. The Cheese must have felt the game was done but had a wake-up call almost immediately when Lisandro Martinez bagged an early clean to cut the deficit. Matthew’s team saw it out from there to give him his first trophy in his 15th season of trying. Patience is a virtue!

-----

How They Got There

Semi-finals

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 3 v 1 Stanley and Gracie United 

Mega Buck Bandits 1 v 3 Cheese Makers

Quarter-finals

Cheese Makers 3 v 1 Markian United 

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 4 v 0 Wheel Madrid (after 1-1 draw)

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 1 Stanley and Gracie United

The Fabulous Artisans 0 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits

Week 14 Results - Artisans back to winning ways

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 0 Stanley and Gracie United

Claymore Athletic FC 1 v 1 YTFIB 

Garth Crooks' Team of the Week 1 v 1 Wheel Madrid

Markian United 1 v 2 Real Muppets

Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 3 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits

San Dimas High School 1 v 3 Cheese Makers 

The Cow-Faced Juniors 1 v 6 The Wateringhole Society

Trusted By Millions 1 v 2 The Fabulous Artisans 

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Fabulous Artisans	14	10	2	2	32	20	12	32
2	The Wateringhole Society	14	10	0	4	42	22	20	30
3	Real Muppets	14	9	1	4	40	23	17	28
4	Aardvark Abacus	14	7	4	3	30	18	12	25
5	Stanley and Gracie United	14	7	3	4	28	23	5	24
6	Claymore Athletic FC	14	7	2	5	26	22	4	23
7	The Cow-Faced Juniors	14	6	3	5	30	28	2	21
8	Markian United	14	5	4	5	22	20	2	19
9	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	14	5	4	5	21	28	-7	19
10	Cheese Makers	14	5	2	7	23	31	-8	17
11	San Dimas High School	14	4	5	5	19	27	-8	17
12	Mega Buck Bandits	14	5	1	8	17	31	-14	16
13	Trusted By Millions	14	3	4	7	24	26	-2	13
14	Garth Crooks' Team of the Week	14	3	4	7	17	23	-6	13
15	YTFIB	14	2	3	9	16	33	-17	9
16	Wheel Madrid	14	1	4	9	13	25	-12	7

Ben had an early present from Saint Nick this weekend. Saint Nick Woltemade that is! The German striker scored both goals in the Artisans' 2-1 win over Trusted.

I don’t know what trimmings the CFJs management team have with their Christmas dinner but they probably won’t want any more stuffing after this week’s 6-1 defeat to the Wateringhole Society. The teams meet again in the PCMT Final next week. You’d have to say Kiran is favourite.

Big men from the frozen north are usually very welcome at this time of the year but not if you’re playing the Muppets. Erling Haaland bagged another brace as his team edged Markian 2-1.

Who needs gold and frankincense when you’ve got Myrrhgan Rogers? That’s what Ady will be thinking after two more goals from the midfielder helped him to a 3-0 win over SGU.

Antoine Semenyo is on a lot of people’s Christmas lists this year and he got Julian’s goal that earned his team a point at Claymore.

I wish I hadn’t started this. Nil Satis v Mega bucks… er…I know! Some people may have  unfairly compared Dominic Calvert-Lewin with a little donkey over the past couple of seasons but he’s in good form for Paul S right now and his two goals made the difference in the 3-2 win over Dave’s team.

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But do you recall the most famous Reijnders of all? No? Well it’s Tijjani who got the opening Cheese Makers goal in the 3-1 win at San Dimas.

I’m not sure if Wheels has been naughty or nice this year. Alexander Isak got on the scoresheet in a 1-1 draw with GC TotW but broke his ankle in the process. As for Ollie, he must have forgotten to leave a glass of sherry out last year as he’s lost Bruno Fernandes to injury just days before the Charity Shield final.