Week 3 Results

And then there were two 100% records. Three teams are still looking for a win.

Aardvark Abacus 2 v 1 Real Muppets
Athletico Phoenix 4 v 0 The Fabulous Artisans
Cheese Makers 2 v 0 Trusted By Millions
Mega Buck Bandits 5 v 1 Markian United
San Dimas High School 3 v 0 Claymore Athletic FC
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 5 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
The Wateringhole Society 3 v 2 Wheel Madrid
YTFIB 0 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum


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	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	San Dimas High School	3	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
2	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	3	3	0	0	7	2	5	9
3	Athletico Phoenix	3	2	1	0	8	3	5	7
4	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	3	2	0	1	8	5	3	6
5	Cheese Makers	3	2	0	1	7	4	3	6
6	Wheel Madrid	3	2	0	1	9	7	2	6
7	Mega Buck Bandits	3	1	1	1	10	7	3	4
8	Claymore Athletic FC	3	1	1	1	5	4	1	4
9	Real Muppets	3	1	1	1	5	4	1	4
10	The Wateringhole Society	3	1	0	2	6	8	-2	3
11	The Cow-Faced Juniors	3	1	0	2	7	10	-3	3
12	Aardvark Abacus	3	1	0	2	3	6	-3	3
13	YTFIB	3	1	0	2	2	6	-4	3
14	Trusted By Millions	3	0	1	2	3	6	-3	1
15	The Fabulous Artisans	3	0	1	2	1	8	-7	1
16	Markian United	3	0	0	3	4	12	-8	0

Two teams are now on three wins out of three, San Dimas and Nil Satis.

San Dimas are still top after a 3-0 win against Claymore. Willy Boly’s opening goal had Clive shouting ‘handball’ at the fourth official and VAR would have ruled it out. But there’s no VAR in WSFFL (yet) so the goal stood and Danny Welbeck made it 2-0 in injury time before Terence Kongolo’s clean completed the win. It was a closer affair for Nil Satis. Their game against YTFIB was settled by one goal, Theo Walcott outpacing Julian’s defence to fire in after 56 minutes.

Athletico Phoenix are our only other unbeaten team and are in third. Brian’s men swept the notoriously slow-starting Artisans (see Rafa’s fact corner) aside with a low, perfectly-placed effort from Marko Arnautovic setting them on their way after 25 minutes. Demarai Gray and Harry Maguire (with his foot not his slabhead) got second half goals to have Ben waving the white flag even before Jan Vertonghen’s clean sheet. Last year’s top two met at Drove Stadium and it ended in another reverse for the CFJs at the hands of Fred. The Gardeners were always a step ahead of their opponents - Mo Salah’s first time opener the only goal of the first half. Lucas Moura took his time to settle but got a second half brace either side of Eden Hazard’s penalty while Chris could only reply through Roberto Pereyra and a bullet header from Aymeric Laporte.

Cheese Makers also have two wins out of three after overcoming Trusted this week. Beef’s draft signing Richarlison saw red for a sneaky headbutt towards the end of the first half and the Cheesers wore them down and won with cleans from recent signings Sol Bamba and Florent Hadjergonaj. Wheel Madrid’s winning run ended at the Wateringhole Society. Paul W had a perfect start too, Jeff Hendrick putting him in front on 10 minutes. Kiran hit back in the second half with three goals in 17 minutes. Michael Keane headed him level, Nathan Ake was quickest to react when a ball came off a post on 79 minutes and Andre Schurrle drove in four minutes later.

Mega Bucks got their first win of the campaign and added to Markian’s woes in the process. Jean-Michel Seri took just four minutes to notch his goal of the month contender for Dave but Harry Kane’s perfectly placed header five minutes after the restart tied the game. The Bandits romped away after that though with goals from Jose Holebas and Wilf Zaha and when Markian’s DeAndre Yedlin stuck a foot out to put through his own goal with three minutes left it was game over. The Aardvarks got their season up and running, and inflicted the Muppets first defeat in the process. Nacho Monreal put Ady ahead on the half hour but James Tarkowski was alive at the back post for Ryan to send the game in level at the break. The game was won for Ady by Ran Bertrand’s second half screamer.

WSFFL hat-tricks

Our records only go back to the start of the 2000/01 season so sadly the likes of Alan Shearer, Andy Cole, Ian Wright, Michael Owen and Robbie Fowler (to name just a few) are under-represented.

Still, let's enjoy what we've got.

Players with multiple hat-tricks

12 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore)
8 - Erling Haaland (Real Muppets)

8 - Thierry Henry (Claymore)

6 - Luis Suarez (The CFJs)
6 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix)

5 - Harry Kane (four for FCK2, 1 for Markian United)

5 - Raheem Sterling (Real Muppets)
5 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred West LG XI)
4 - Dimitar Berbatov (Fred West LG XI)

4 - Frank Lampard (Boston Rock)
4 - Wayne Rooney (Claymore)
4 - Yakubu Aiyegbeni (three for San Dimas, one for Dead Parrots)
3 - Carlos Tevez (Real Muppets)

3 - Cristiano Ronaldo (one for Real Muppets, two for Claymore)
3 - Didier Drogba (Fred West LG XI)
3 - Emmanuel Adebayor (Aardvark Abacus)

3 - Fernando Torres (two for Trusted, one for Fred)
3 - Jermain Defoe (two for Boston Rock, one for Fred)
3 - Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (Aardvark Abacus)
3 - Michael Owen (Trusted By Millions)
3 - Nicolas Anelka (two for Aardvarks, one for CFJs)

3 - Phil Foden (Real Muppets)
3 - Robbie Keane (Aardvark Abacus)
3 - Romelu Lukaku (San Dimas)

3 - Son Heung-Min (Aardvark Abacus)
3 - Theo Walcott (San Dimas)
2 - Alexis Sanchez (The CFJs)
2 - Andy Carroll (one for Boston Rock, one for FCK2)
2 - Clint Dempsey (Boston Rock)

2 - Demba Ba (Final Fantasy)
2 - Eden Hazard (Fred West LG XI)

2 - Gabriel Jesus (Trusted By Millions)

2 - Gareth Bale (CFJs)

2 - Ivan Toney (Wateringhole Society)

2 - Jamie Vardy (Wheel Madrid)
2 - Kevin Nolan (Boston Rock)

2 - Kevin Schade (YTFIB)
2 - Les Ferdinand (Viola's Pier)
2 - Mario Balotelli (Fabulous Artisans)
2 - Mark Viduka (Real Muppets)
2 - Maxi Rodriguez (York's)

2 - Ray Parlour (Mega Bucks)

2 - Riyad Mahrez (one for Athletico Phoenix, one for San Dimas)
2 - Sadio Mane (Real Muppets)

2 - Yossi Benayoun (Groove Machine)

Five goals in a game

1 - Dimitar Berbatov (FWLG XI)

1 - Jermain Defoe (Boston Rock)

1 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore)

Four goals in a game

2 - Cole Palmer (Trusted)

2 - Frank Lampard (Boston Rock)

2 - Gabriel Jesus (Trusted) *

2 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore)

1 - Andrei Arshavin (Final Fantasy)

1 - Dimitar Berbatov (FWLG XI)

1 - Edin Dzeko (Trusted)

1 - Erling Haaland (Muppets)

1 - Gini Wijnaldum (Claymore)

1 - Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (Aardvarks)

1 - Luis Suarez (The CFJs)

1 - Mark Viduka (Muppets)

1 - Michail Antonio (Mega Bucks)

1 - Michael Owen (Trusted)

1 - Robbie Keane (Aardvarks)

1 - Romelu Lukaku (San Dimas)

1 - Saido Berahino (San Dimas)

1 - Son Heung-Min (Aardvarks) 

1 - Thierry Henry (Claymore)

By season (number in brackets is number of goals scored if greater than three)

2024/25

Week 16 - Amad Diallo (Muppets) v Mega Bucks

FA Cup R1 - James McAtee (Trusted) v Real Muppets

Week 14 - Alexander Isak (Trusted) v The Wateringhole Society

Charity Shield QF Replay - Kevin Schade (YTFIB) v Real Muppets*

Week 11 - Kevin Schade (YTFIB) v Nil Satis*

Week 6 - Cole Palmer (4) (Trusted) v San Dimas

Week 3 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v Nil Satis

Week 2 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v The Wateringhole Society

Week 2 - Noni Madueke (Trusted) v Claymore Athletic FC

2023/24 (13 hat-tricks by 12 different players)

Week 30 - Jean-Phillipe Mateta (Trusted) v Claymore

Week 29 - Josko Gvardiol (San Dimas) v FW LG XI **

Week 28 - Erling Haaland (4) (Muppets) v Mega Bucks

Week 25 - Cole Palmer (4) (Trusted) v YTFIB

FA Cup SF - Phil Foden (Muppets) v Markian

Week 20 - Jarrod Bowen (Artisans) v Trusted

Week 18 - Phil Foden (Muppets) v San Dimas

Week 18 - Matheus Cunha (Claymore) v YTFIB

Week 17 - Elijah Adebayo (SGU) v Markian

Charity Shield QF - Eddie Nketiah (Artisans) v San Dimas

Week 6 - Ollie Watkins (Aardvarks) v San Dimas

Week 4 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v Cheese Makers

Week 4 - Son Heung-Min (Aardvarks) v Markian

2022/23 (seven hat-tricks by four different players)

Week 15 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v Claymore

PCMT QF - Phil Foden (Muppets) v Cheese Makers 

PCMT QF - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v Cheese Makers

PCMT QF - Leandro Trossard (Trusted) v The CFJs

Week 5 - Ivan Toney (Wateringhole Society) v Aardvarks

Week 4 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v Nil Satis

Week 3 - Erling Haaland (Muppets) v The CFJs

2021/22 (12 hat-tricks by ten different players)

Week 26 - Gabriel Jesus (4) (Trusted) v  San Dimas *

Week 25 - Gabriel Jesus (4) (Trusted) v The Wateringhole Society *

Week 25 - Cristiano Ronaldo (Claymore) v Markian

Week 24 - Son Heung-Min (Aardvarks) v Wheel Madrid

FA Cup Semi-final - Cristiano Ronaldo (Claymore) v Cheese Makers

Week 22 - Ivan Toney (Wateringhole Society) v The CFJs

FA Cup Quarter-final - Raheem Sterling (Real Muppets) v Stanley 

Week 17 - Jack Harrison (Mega Bucks) v Trusted

Week 7 - Mohamed Salah (Fred) v Mega Bucks

Week 7 - Mason Mount (Artisans) v Muppets

Week 6 - Roberto Firmino (Artisans) v Fred

Week 1 - Bruno Fernandes (Fred) v San Dimas

2020/21 (nine hat-tricks by nine different players)

Week 26 - Gareth Bale (CFJs) v San Dimas

Week 25 - Chris Wood (Cheese Makers) v Nil Satis

FA Cup semi-final - Kelechi Iheanacho (Real Muppets) v San Dimas

FA Cup 1st Round - Carlos Vinicius (San Dimas) v YTFIB

Charity Shield QF - Riyad Mahrez (San Dimas) v The CFJs

Week 5 - Patrick Bamford (Fabulous Artisans) v Wheel Madrid

Week 3 - Jamie Vardy (Wheel Madrid) v Cheese Makers

Week 2 - Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Nil Satis) v Claymore

Week 2 - Son Heung-Min (4) (Aardvarks) v Real Muppets

2019/20 (11 hat-tricks by 10 different players)

Week 27 - Raheem Sterling (Real Muppets) v Markian
Week 27 - Michail Antonio (4) (Mega Bucks) v Claymore
Week 23 - Anthony Martial (Stanley Athletic FC) v Markian
Week 17 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Nil Satis
PCMT QF - Jamie Vardy (Wheel Madrid) v FW LG XI
Charity Shield QF - Christian Pulisic (Wateringhole Society) v Nil Satis
Charity Shield QF - Ayoze Perez (Athletico Phoenix) v YTFIB
Week 5 - Bernardo Silva (Trusted) v Markian
PCMT 1st Round - Tammy Abraham (CFJs) v Nil Satis
Week 2 - Teemu Pukki (Claymore) v San Dimas
Week 1 - Raheem Sterling (Muppets) v Markian

2018/19 (nine hat-tricks by seven different players)

Week 27 Lucas Moura (Fred) v Cheese Makers
Week 24 - Raheem Sterling (Muppets) v YTFIB
Week 21 - Gerard Deulofeu (Fabulous Artisans) v YTFIB
Week 20 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v FW LG XI
FA CUP QF - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Trusted
Week 18 - Diogo Jota (Aardvarks) v Mega Bucks
FA Cup 1st Round - Fernando Llorente (CFJs) v Real Muppets
PCMT 1st Round - Eden Hazard (FW LG XI) v Markian
Week 2 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v The CFJs

2017/18 (six hat-tricks by four different players)

FA Cup QF - Sergio Aguero (4) (Claymore) v Markian
Week 19 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Athletico Phoenix
Week 16 - Harry Kane (Markian) v YTFIB
Week 12 - Wayne Rooney (Claymore) v Mega Bucks
Week 5 - Alvaro Morata (CFJs) v Markian
PCMT 1st Round - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Aardvarks

2016/17 (seven hat-tricks by five different players)

Week 30 - Harry Kane (FCK2) v Cheese Makers
Week 19 - Romelu Lukaku (4) (San Dimas) v Trusted
Week 16 - Harry Kane (FCK2) v The CFJs
Week 15 - Andre Gray (Trusted) v Claymore
PCMT Semi Final - Salomon Rondon (FW LG XI) v Claymore
Week 12 - Alexis Sanchez (CFJs) v FCK2
PCMT 1st Round - Romelu Lukaku (San Dimas) v Wheel Madrid

2015/16 (12 hat-tricks by 11 different players)

Week 30 - Olivier Giroud (Claymore) v Aardvarks
Week 28 - Sadio Mane (Muppets) v The CFJs
FA Cup Final - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Fred
Week 26 - Andy Carroll (FCK2) v San Dimas
Week 16 - Jermain Defoe (FW LG XI) v Cheese Makers
Week 12 - Riyad Mahrez (Athletico Phoenix) v San Dimas
Week 8 - Harry Kane (FCK2) v Aardvarks
Week 7 - Gini Wijnaldum (4) (Claymore) v Trusted
Week 7 - Raheem Sterling (Real Muppets) v Cheese Makers
PCMT QF - Sergio Aguero (5) (Claymore) v Nil Satis
Week 6 - Alexis Sanchez (CFJs) v Aardvarks
Week 3 - Callum Wilson (Final Fantasy) v Muppets

2014/15 (10 hat-tricks by nine different players)

Week 30 - Theo Walcott (San Dimas) v Aardvarks
Week 29 - Sadio Mane (Muppets) v Claymore
Week 28 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Athletico Phoenix
Week 25 - Yannick Bolasie (San Dimas) v Final Fantasy
Week 23 - Harry Kane (FCK2) v Final Fantasy
Week 18 - Jon Walters (San Dimas) v Fabulous Artisans
FA Cup 1st Round - Saido Berahino (4) (San Dimas) v FCK2
Week 14 - Charlie Austin (Mega Bucks) v The CFJs
Week 7 - Sergio Aguero (4) (Claymore) v Trusted
PCMT 1st Round - Diego Costa (Athletico Phoenix) v The CFJs

2013/14 (seven hat-tricks by five different players)

Week 24 - Yaya Toure (Final Fantasy) v FCK2
Week 24 - Luis Suarez (CFJs) v Athletico Phoenix
Week 22 - Andre Schurrle (Fred) v Trusted
Week 19 - Eden Hazard (Fred) v Dead Parrots
Week 17 - Samuel Eto'o (CFJs) v Trusted
PCMT SF - Luis Suarez (4) (CFJs) v Fabulous Artisans
PCMT QF - Luis Suarez (CFJs) v Aardvarks

2012/13 (12 hat-tricks by nine different players)

Week 30 - Kevin Nolan (Boston Rock) v Aardvarks
Week 30 - Romelu Lukaku (San Dimas) v Nil Satis
Week 29 - Daniel Sturridge (Muppets) v San Dimas
Week 27 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Fabulous Artisans *
Week 26 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Final Fantasy *
Week 22 - Luis Suarez (CFJs) v Fred
Week 22 - Shinji Kagawa (Muppets) v Fabulous Artisans
Week 15 - Theo Walcott (San Dimas) v Dead Parrots
PCMT Final - Gareth Bale (CFJs)v San Dimas
Week 14 - Santi Cazorla (Athletico Phoenix) v YTFIB
PCMT 1st Round - Luis Suarez (CFJs) v YTFIB
Week 3 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Mega Bucks

2011/12 (18 hat-tricks by 14 different players)

Week 28 - Luis Suarez (CFJs) v Boston Rock
Week 28 - Fernando Torres (Fred) v Muppets
Week 26 - Carlos Tevez (Muppets) v Final Fantasy
Week 21 - Pavel Pogrebnyak (San Dimas) v Mega Bucks
Week 19 - Peter Odemwingie (San Dimas) v Dead Parrots
Week 18 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Aardvarks
Week 17 - Clint Dempsey (CFJs) v San Dimas
FA Cup 1st Round - Clint Dempsey (CFJs) v Aardvarks
Week 12 - Yakubu Aiyegbeni (Dead Parrots) v Cheese Makers
Week 9 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Dead Parrots
Week 9 - Demba Ba (Final Fantasy) v Nil Satis
PCMT 1st Round - Frank Lampard (Boston Rock) v Nil Satis
PCMT 1st Round - Andy Johnson (Final Fantasy) v CFJs
Week 6 - Demba Ba (Final Fantasy) v Claymore
Week 4 - Sergio Aguero (Claymore) v Boston Rock
Week 4 - Wayne Rooney (Claymore) v Boston Rock
Week 3 - Wayne Rooney (Claymore) v Trusted
Week 3 - Edin Dzeko (4) (Trusted) v Claymore

2010/11 (14 hat-tricks by 10 different players)

Week 28 - Maxi Rodriguez (York's) v Dead Parrots
Week 27 - Maxi Rodriguez (York's) v Trusted
Week 20 - Carlos Tevez (Muppets) v San Dimas
Week 19 - Dimitar Berbatov (Fred) v Boston Rock
Week 19 - Robin van Persie (Athletico Phoenix) v Fabulous Artisans
FA Cup 1st Round - Diomansy Kamara (York's) v Nil Satis
Week 16 - Mario Balotelli (Fabulous Artisans) v Fred*
Week 15 - Mario Balotelli (Fabulous Artisans) v Claymore*
Week 12 - Dimitar Berbatov (5) (Fred) v Fabulous Artisans
Week 8 - Kevin Nolan (Boston Rock) v Fabulous Artisans
Week 4 - Dimitar Berbatov (Fred) v York's
Week 2 - Theo Walcott (San Dimas) v Bassett Allsorts
Week 2 - Andy Carroll (Boston Rock) v York's
Week 1 - Didier Drogba (Fred) v Mega Bucks

2009/10 (10 hat-tricks by nine different players)

Week 30 - Didier Drogba (Fred) v Claymore
Week 28 - Solomon Kalou (Bassett Allsorts) v Fabulous Artisans
Week 25 - Frank Lampard (4) (Boston Rock) v Fred
Week 25 - Carlos Tevez (Muppets) v Mega Bucks
Week 10 - Jermain Defoe (5) (Boston Rock) v Fabulous Artisans
Week 5 - Fernando Torres (Trusted) v CFJs
Week 5 - Robbie Keane (4) (Aardvarks) v Real Muppets
Week 4 - Thomas Vermaelen (Muppets) v CFJs**
Week 3 - Yossi Benayoun (Groove Machine) v Athletico Phoenix*
PCMT 1st Round Replay - Yossi Benayoun (Groove Machine) v Dead Parrots*

2008/09 (six hat-tricks by six different players)

Week 26 - Andrei Arshavin (4) (Final Fantasy) v Nil Satis
Week 23 - Steven Gerrard (Trusted) v Mega Bucks
Week 8 - Nicolas Anelka (CFJs) v York's
Week 7 - Robinho (Trusted) v San Dimas
Week 3 - Emmanuel Adebayor (Aardvarks) v Boston Rock
Week 1- Gabriel Agbonlahor (Muppets) v Dynamo Kev

2007/08 (12 hat-tricks by 11 different players)

Week 30 - Afonso Alves (Claymore) v Groove Machine
Week 28 - Emmanuel Adebayor (Aardvarks) v Fred
Week 22 - Frank Lampard (4) (Boston Rock) v San Dimas
Week 20 - Fernando Torres (Trusted) v Fred
Week 19 - John Carew (Aardvarks) v Nil Satis
Week 17 - Benjani Mwaruwari (Groove Machine) v Final Fantasy
Week 16 - Cristiano Ronaldo (Muppets) v Boston Rock
Week 15 - Dimitar Berbatov (4) Fred v Mega Bucks
Week 13 - Roque Santa Cruz (Melwood) v (Marmosets)
Week 13 - Marcus Bent (Trusted) v Aardvarks
Week 12 - Yakubu Aiyegbeni (San Dimas) v Aardvarks
Week 5 - Emmanuel Adebayor (Aardvarks) v Dead Parrots

2006/07 (four hat-tricks by four different players)

Week 24 - Peter Crouch (York's) v Imaginary Boys
FA Cup 1st Round - Frank Lampard (Boston Rock) v Groove Machine
Week 9 - Didier Drogba (Fred) v Aardvarks
Week 7 - Wayne Rooney (Claymore) v Boston Rock

2005/06 (five hat-tricks by four different players)

Week 30 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Aardvarks
Week 18 - Luke Moore (Prettier Thank You) v York's
Week 16 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Dead Parrots
Week 12 - Henri Camara (Nil Satis) v Real Muppets
PCMT 1st Round - Marlon Harewood (The Dead Parrots)

2004/05 (seven hat-tricks by five different players)

Week 25 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v San Dimas
Week 24 - Robert Earnshaw (Claymore) v Kylie Bumcheeks
Week 23 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Boston Rock*
FA Cup Semi-final - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Boston Rock*
Week 18 - Jermain Defoe (Boston Rock) v Thommo's Titans
Week 7 - Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (Aardvarks) v Final Fantasy
Week 3 - Yakubu Aiyegbeni (San Dimas) v Fred

2003/04 (seven hat-tricks by seven different players)

Week 30 - Yakubu Aiyegbeni (San Dimas) v Final Fantasy
Week 28 - Thierry Henry (4) (Claymore) v Thommo's Titans
Week 25 - Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (Aardvarks) v Mega Bucks
Week 12 - Robbie Keane (Aardvarks) v Prettier Than You
Week 6 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred) v Elland Road Big Boys
Week 6 - Steve Watson (Claymore) v Aardvarks
Week 4- Nicolas Anelka (Aardvarks) v Elland Road Big Boys

2002/03 (11 hat-tricks by eight different players)

Week 30 - Freddie Ljungberg (Fred) v Kylie Bumcheeks
Week 29 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred) v Prettier Than You
FA Cup Final - Michael Owen (4) (Trusted) v Aardvarks
Week 27 - Paul Scholes (Aardvarks) v Prettier Than You
Week 26 - Mark Viduka (Real Muppets) v Mega Bucks
Week 25 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred) v San Dimas
FA Cup QF - Steed Malbranque (Claymore) v San Dimas
Week 19 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Fred
Week 11 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred) v Nil Satis
Week 6 - Michael Owen (Trusted) v Nil Satis
Week 2 - Nicolas Anelka (Aardvarks) v Groove Machine

2001/02 (four hat-tricks by four different players)

Week 27 - Fredi Bobic (Real Muppets) v Boston Rock
Week 15 - Ruud van Nistelrooy (Fred) v Boston Rock
Week 8 - Robbie Fowler (Elland Road Big Boys) v Trusted
PCMT 1st Round - Robbie Keane (Aardvarks) v Short Straw

2000/01 (13 hat-tricks by 11 different players)

Week 33 - Michael Owen (Trusted) v Mega Bucks
Week 28 - Marcus Stewart (Short Straw) v Claymore
Week 26 - Sylvain Wiltord (Nil Satis) v Groove Machine
Week 19 - Kevin Phillips (Trusted) v Willy Shakey
Week 19 - Thierry Henry (Claymore) v Prettier Than You
League Cup 1st Round 2nd Replay - Ray Parlour (Mega Bucks) v Donkey Derby County*
Week 16 - Ray Parlour (Mega Bucks) v Trusted*
League Cup 1st Round - Les Ferdinand (Viola's Pier) v Nil Satis*
Week 14 - Les Ferdinand (Viola's Pier) v York's*
Week 11 - Mark Viduka (4) (Real Muppets) v Boston Rock
Week 10 - Teddy Sheringham (Mega Bucks) v Boston Rock
Week 9 - Jimmy-Floyd Hasselbaink (4) (Aardvarks) v Trusted
Week 8 - Emile Heskey (Short Straw) v Prettier Than You


*Matches took place in same Premier League game week
**Two goals and a clean sheet

Week 2 Results

San Dimas are top for the first time in 16 years.

Claymore Athletic FC 5 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 2 YTFIB
Markian United 2 v 5 Cheese Makers
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 4 v 2 The Wateringhole Society
Real Muppets 2 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits
The Fabulous Artisans 1 v 4 San Dimas High School
Trusted By Millions 2 v 2 Athletico Phoenix
Wheel Madrid 3 v 1 Aardvark Abacus


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	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	San Dimas High School	2	2	0	0	6	2	4	6
2	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	2	2	0	0	6	2	4	6
3	Wheel Madrid	2	2	0	0	7	4	3	6
4	Claymore Athletic FC	2	1	1	0	5	1	4	4
5	Real Muppets	2	1	1	0	4	2	2	4
6	Athletico Phoenix	2	1	1	0	4	3	1	4
7	Cheese Makers	2	1	0	1	5	4	1	3
8	The Cow-Faced Juniors	2	1	0	1	5	5	0	3
9	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	2	1	0	1	3	3	0	3
10	YTFIB	2	1	0	1	2	5	-3	3
11	Mega Buck Bandits	2	0	1	1	5	6	-1	1
12	Trusted By Millions	2	0	1	1	3	4	-1	1
13	The Fabulous Artisans	2	0	1	1	1	4	-3	1
14	The Wateringhole Society	2	0	0	2	3	6	-3	0
15	Markian United	2	0	0	2	3	7	-4	0
16	Aardvark Abacus	2	0	0	2	1	5	-4	0

hree teams have won their first two matches and they’re all managed by men called Paul.

It’s my team that are top of the three due to having one more cancelled clean than Nil Satis. San Dimas were surprisingly comfortable winners at the Artisans. Pedro had put me ahead early on but Romelu Lukaku’s header and Pascal Gross’s penalty had extended the lead to three by the break and David Silva added a fourth with a brilliant free-kick not long after the restart. Nil Satis also scored four but two conceded to the Wateringhole Society denied Paul S the top spot. Theo Walcott finished off a free-kick move to put Nil Satis ahead but Gary Doherty’s unfortunate own goal had Kiran level on the half hour. Henrik Mkhitaryan put Paul back in front but Alex Iwobi swept home four minutes from half-time to level the game once more. Marcos Alonso put Paul ahead for a third time on 81 minutes and this time there was no response. Paul Pogba made it 4-2 from the spot five minutes into stoppage time which still left time for Kenedy to miss one for Kiran.

Wheel Madrid are top scorers in the league but goal difference has them in third following a 3-1 win over the Aardvarks. James Maddison has looked a great signing for Paul (early days, I know) and his deflected shot had Wheels ahead right on half time and Callum Wilson doubled the lead when dancing through Ady’s defence on the hour. Following Jamie Vardy’s red card Ady pulled one back through a great Kieran Trippier free-kick but Neil Etheridge got his second penalty save of the season deep in injury time to clinch all the points. Claymore knocked last week’s leaders, the CFJs, off the top with a big win. It was mostly courtesy of Sergio Aguero who fired in a hat-trick after Alvaro Morata had put Chris and Co. ahead. I think it’s Augero’s ninth WSFFL hat-trick but Clive may be able to correct me.

The Muppets were held 2-2 by Mega Bucks to stay unbeaten. James Tarkowski’s early header and Sadio Mane’s late finish for Ryan were equalled by cleans from Javier Manquillo and Alisson for Dave. It was similar for the Phoenix in sixth who drew 2-2 at Trusted. Beef was two up after 31 minutes, Andre Gray’s brilliant volley and Richardson on debut got his goals, but Brian was back in it straight away thanks to Marko Arnautovic’s penalty. The only score in the second half was England hero Harry Maguire’s clean to earn Athletico a draw.

Cheese Makers went on a goal rush to win at Markian. It can’t be often that Matthew’s front pair of Glenn Murray and Troy Deeney score in the same game but they did this week to put the Cheesers 2-0 up. Mark and Ian will be pleased to see Danny Ings back on the scoresheet after his injury woes but Steve Cook battering rammed his way to put a header in to make it 3-1. Harry Kane scored in August (shock) to reduce the deficit again but cleans from Sol Bamba and Andrew Robertson saw Matthew home with all the points. There was a surprise at New Cromwell Road as Fred lost at home to YTFIB. Lucas Moura’s curling finish two minutes from half time appeared to have the home side on the road to the points but James Milner’s spot-kick had Julian level before the break. A nervy second half was settled by a Joe Gomez clean in Julian’s favour.