2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Eight - 1st-4th

1st: Aardvark Abacus (up six places on last season)

Got the win they needed to make this a multiple-record breaking season. Watkins and Son scored 31 league goals between them and Ben White was a solid presence at the back. Just one league defeat since week ten shows the level of dominance. It’s been eight years since a team has won back-to-back titles, could Ady re-set that stat next season?

Star Player? Ollie Watkins (18 goals) as the pick of a very good bunch.

What happened to last year's Star Player? Ben White only just missed out on back-to-back wins.

2nd: The Fabulous Artisans (up one)

Runner-up for the fourth time. Top until week 12 Ben’s team suffered a massive winter wobble winning just six times in the league between December and the end of April. Might need another striker to take some pressure of Nicolas Jackson if he’s finally to reach the top step.

Star Player? Jarrod Bowen (13 goals) is the first striker to win this since Christian Benteke.

What happened to last year's Star Player? Martin Odegaard didn't make as much of an impression.

3rd: The Cow-Faced Juniors (down one)

Finished in the top three for a second season running. Always on the back-foot after just four wins in the opening nine, third place seems a good return. One of the league’s best midfields but one of many teams that’ll be pursuing a goalscorer in the summer.

Star Player? Gabriel (three goals, 11 cleans) won for the third straight year.

What happened to last year's Star Player? See above!

4th: Trusted By Millions (up one)

How on earth did Trusted miss out on a top three place? Just as prolific as the Aardvarks in the scoring department there was a duff period in early season (six without a win) that probably made the difference. At least has the Charity Shield to show for the season’s work.

Star Player? Alexander Isak (20 goals) looks a proper player.

What happened to last year's Star Player? David de Gea is a free agent.

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Seven - 5th-8th

5th: The Wateringhole Society (down one place on last season)

Kiran's season season was compromised from the off by Ivan Toney’s absence until January. Marcus Rashford and Cody Gakpo didn’t step up and new signing Christopher Nkunku missed much of the campaign through injury. Expect better next year.

Star Player? William Saliba (two goals, 14 cleans) is one of the league's best defenders.

What happened to last year's Star Player? Ivan Toney wasn't allowed to play until January. He wasn't brilliant after that.

6th: Stanley and Gracie United (up one)

While they were chasing second for a while SGU can be content with maximising their resources to finish sixth. Dominic Solanke starred for Aaron who has an excellent young player in Harry Wilson. Can he resist daft Chelsea signings this summer though?

Star Player? Dominic Solanke (13 goals) had his best season yet.

What happened to last year's Star Player?  Kieran Trippier went missing for a bit.

7th: Claymore Athletic FC (up nine)

Claymore were in the second place race for a while but ended seventh. It’s a big step up on last year’s bottom place for Clive. He still tinkered but at least tinkered a bit better and he’ll be hoping that big signing Rasmus Hojlund will improve after a year getting to grips with the league.

Star Player? Manuel Akanji (two goals, 11 cleans) was a solid choice.

What happened to last year's Star Player? Aleksandar Mitrovic headed off to Saudi.

8th: Markian United (down two)

Ian’s team were second after week 12 but a spectacularly poor run of just one win in 12 league games put an end to a high finish. It was always going to be difficult to replace Harry Kane, Darwin Nunez has not looked the man to do that yet.

Star Player? Fabian Schar (two goals, ten cleans) took over from last year's winner...

What happened to last year's Star Player?  Harry Kane headed off to Germany.

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Six - 9th-12th

9th: San Dimas High School (same place as last season)

'The Saints' were doing their best work in the last couple of months and finished ninth for the second season running when Havertz and Gvardiol started to click. My team are definitely another in the market for a 15 goals+ a season striker but they don’t grow on trees.

Star Player? Dan Burn (two goals, 12 cleans) was one of the first names on the team sheet.

What happened to last year's Star Player? Emiliano Martinez was much less effective and not always first choice.

10th: Real Muppets (same place)

An FA Cup win, beaten in the PCMT Final, Phil Foden, Erling Haaland, De Bruyne, Ederson - yet only tenth place for the Muppets, for the third season running. Ryan will be having a close look at the missing pieces of his jigsaw and see what it takes to get him back in the upper reaches of the table.

Star Player? Erling Haaland (26 goals)

What happened to last year's Star Player? While Haaland wasn't the force of last year he still topped the scoring charts.

11th: Mega Buck Bandits (up four)

As Dave has only finished in the top half once in 16 seasons this isn’t too much of a surprise. There will be a question mark over the future of Carlton Morris and Dave can’t rely on Michail Antonio like he used to, so challenges ahead on the recruitment front.

Star Player? Nathan Ake (one goal, ten cleans)

What happened to last year's Star Player? Nathan Ake was this year's Star Player

12th: Cheese Makers (down one)

Fourth after week nine but fell away badly after that. Bryan Mbeumo’s injury played a part in Matthew’s slide while he missed Tyrone Mings and Manor Solomon for practically the whole season. Still one or two players away from where he wants to be.

Star Player? David Raya Martin (12 cleans) was a reliable presence in goal

What happened to last year's Star Player? Tyrone Mings' injury meant he missed practically the entire season

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Five - 13th-16th

My annual assessment of the WSFFL teams starts with the bottom four.

13th: Fred West LG XI (down 12 on last season)

It was a familiar pattern for Neil's team. Over the last six seasons the year after winning the title is followed by a fallow year. Bruno Fernandes and Morgan Gibbs-White did their best but there were signs of Mohamed Salah slowing down towards the end of the season. A rebuild beckons.

Star Player? Mohamed Salah (15 goals)

What happened to last year's Star Player? He's this year's Star Player too

14th: Wheel Madrid (down two)

The Wheelmen will care less than most about their league position after winning their first trophy, the PCMT. Paul’s team picked up after that cup win (with only 6 points from the first half of the season that wasn’t too difficult) and will have hopes of a better showing next season.

Star Player? Thiago Silva (Four goals, eight cleans) bounced back after a duff 2022/23 season

What happened to last year's Star Player? Raphael Varane was only available for about half the season.

15th: Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (down one)

Another team who made a shocking start, just five points at the mid-point of the season. Lost just once out of the last seven games to avoid the wooden spoon. Paul S isn’t going to change so watch out for those Everton signings again.

Star Player? Jarrad Branthwaite (two goals, 12 cleans) has made himself a wanted man

What happened to last year's Star Player? Jose Sa 

16th: YTFIB (down three)

No team has finished bottom more than Julian’s but that looked a long shot after 12 weeks when they were sat on 15 points in twelfth. Only two more points followed all season. Is this the worst run ever? Can I be bothered to find out?

Star Player? Joe Gomez (nine cleans)

What happened to last year's Star Player? Nick Pope was lost to injury for much of the season.

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Four - the Value for Money (counters per £m) table

Same as before but with counters this time.

		P	Ctrs	Wage Bill (£m)	Ctrs per £m
1	YTFIB	30	53	2.19075	24.19
2	Claymore Athletic FC	30	81	4.85175	16.70
3	Aardvark Abacus	30	125	8.322	15.02
4	Mega Buck Bandits	30	73	5.22	13.98
5	The Cow-Faced Juniors	30	92	6.77925	13.57
6	Cheese Makers	30	70	5.3325	13.13
7	Trusted By Millions	30	118	9.2703	12.73
8	San Dimas High School	30	92	7.73775	11.89
9	The Fabulous Artisans	30	95	8.2725	11.48
10	The Wateringhole Society	30	96	8.3925	11.44
11	Markian United	30	81	7.5705	10.70
12	Real Muppets	30	86	8.18475	10.51
13	Stanley and Gracie United	30	78	7.6065	10.25
14	Wheel Madrid	30	62	7.488	8.28
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	30	46	6.387	7.20
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	30	74	11.448	6.46

Julian often tops this one (maybe I should keep a list!) and is often a long way clear of the rest. Ady's excellent season has him in the top three of this one. The bottom three in the points per £m list are the bottom three here too. 

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Three - the Value for Money (pts per £m) table

Claymore take the honours in this one (for what they're worth) this season. With the exception of YTFIB the bottom four in the real table are propping this one up too...

	Team	P	Pts	Wage Bill (£m)	Pts per £m
1	Claymore Athletic FC	30	49	4.85175	10.10
2	Aardvark Abacus	30	71	8.322	8.53
3	The Cow-Faced Juniors	30	55	6.77925	8.11
4	YTFIB	30	17	2.19075	7.76
5	Mega Buck Bandits	30	37	5.22	7.09
6	The Fabulous Artisans	30	56	8.2725	6.77
7	Stanley and Gracie United	30	50	7.6065	6.57
8	Cheese Makers	30	35	5.3325	6.56
9	The Wateringhole Society	30	51	8.3925	6.08
10	Trusted By Millions	30	54	9.2703	5.83
11	Markian United	30	44	7.5705	5.81
12	San Dimas High School	30	43	7.73775	5.56
13	Real Muppets	30	43	8.18475	5.25
14	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	30	21	6.387	3.29
15	Wheel Madrid	30	24	7.488	3.21
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	30	33	11.448	2.88

2023/24 Co-Ord Round-up Part Two - The 'counters' tables

Here's the table if that was all that mattered in the game was positive 'counters'. Don't worry it won't be. (Well, not on my watch!)

1. Aardvark Abacus - 125 (same place as real table, 42 more counters than last year)

2. Trusted By Millions - 118 (two places higher, 22 more)

3. The Wateringhole Society - 96 (two places higher, 19 fewer)

4. The Fabulous Artisans - 95 (two places higher, 11 fewer)

=5. The Cow-Faced Juniors - 92 (two places lower, 16 fewer)

=5. San Dimas High School - 92 (four places higher, 11 more)

7. Real Muppets - 86 (three places higher, one fewer)

=8. Claymore Athletic FC - 81 (one place lower, 11 more)

=8. Markian United - 81 (same place, 15 fewer)

10. Stanley and Gracie United - 78 (four places lower, one fewer)

11. Fred West LG XI - 74 (two places higher, 41 fewer)

12. Mega Buck Bandits - 73 (one place lower, 11 more)

13. Cheese Makers - 70 (one place lower, five fewer)

14. Wheel Madrid - 62 (same place, 17 more)

15. YTFIB - 53 (one place higher, 15 fewer)

16. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum - 46 (one place lower, six fewer)

Big jumps in counters for the Aardvarks, Trusted and, lower down, Wheel Madrid. Going in the other direction are the Wateringhole and the CFJs.

The average is just below 83.

Counters against plays a part in deciding the league - how did that list shake out and can you feel hard done by?

1. Claymore Athletic FC - 69

2. The Fabulous Artisans - 71

3. Aardvark Abacus - 72

4. Stanley and Gracie United - 73

5. Mega Buck Bandits - 80

=6. The Cow-Faced Juniors - 81

=6. Cheese Makers - 81

=8. Real Muppets - 82

=8. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum - 82

=10. Trusted By Millions - 84

=10. San Dimas High School - 84

12. The Wateringhole Society - 85

13. Fred West LG XI - 87

14. Markian United - 92

15. Wheel Madrid - 95

16. YTFIB - 104

The top four getting off lightly here, the bottom three can feel a bit hard done by.

2023/24 - English Team of the Season

(Same rules as before but English players only.)

GK - Sam Johnstone (Markian United)

DEF - Ben White (Aardvark Abacus), James Tarkowski (Real Muppets), Dan Burn (San Dimas High School), Jarrad Branthwaite (Nil Satis Nisi Optimum)

MID - Phil Foden (Muppets), Cole Palmer (Trusted By Millions), Bukayo Saka (The Wateringhole Society), Eberechi Eze (The Cow-Faced Juniors)

ATT - Ollie Watkins (Aardvarks), Dominic Solanke (Stanley and Gracie United)

Subs: Nick Pope (YTFIB); Tyrick Mitchell (San Dimas); Raheem Sterling (The Fabulous Artisans); Jarrod Bowen (Artisans)

Wonder if Ben White would play for his fantasy national team? Nine remain from last year's team.

And as it's a national tournament year we'll add some more in to get a squad of 26...

Trent Alexander-Arnold (Mega Buck Bandits)

Joe Gomez (YTFIB)

Carlton Morris (Mega Bucks)

Ezri Konsa (Wateringhole)

Kieran Trippier (SGU)

Marc Guehi (Artisans)

John Stones (Claymore Athletic FC)

Kyle Walker (Artisans)

Craig Dawson (Pool)

Max Kilman (CFJs)

Ashley Young (Markian United)

We could always bring the defenders on to protect the three-goal leads!

(Michael Olise may switch from France to England in the future (let's hope so!) but at the moment doesn't qualify)

I'll have a look at the Euros in relation to our teams once the squads are finalised.

2023/24 - £500k Team of the Season

(More of the same but with players from the bargain basement.)

GK - Nick Pope (YTFIB)

DEF - Ben White (Aardvark Abacus), James Tarkowski (Real Muppets), Dan Burn (San Dimas High School), Jarrad Branthwaite (Nil Satis Nisi Optimum)

MID - Phil Foden (Muppets), Bukayo Saka (The Wateringhole Society), Scott McTominay (Muppets), Abdoulaye Doucoure (Claymore Athletic FC)*

ATT - Jean-Phillipe Mateta (Trusted By Millions), Hwang Hee-Chan (YTFIB)

Subs: Stefan Ortega (Muppets) ; Tyrick Mitchell (San Dimas); Bruno Guimaraes (Mega Buck Bandits)*; Neil Maupay (Mega Bucks)

* Pick two from these and Seam Longstaff (Aardvarks) and Declan Rice (Mega Bucks)

Pope, White, Foden and Saka were in the team last year.  It certainly seems that it's getting more difficult to get keepers and strikers at a knockdown price.

Oh, and we're still waiting for Evan Ferguson. (He has been injured to be fair.)

2023/24 - Team of the Season

(All awards are made on basis of contributions in all WSFFL competitions. Where there is a tie, contributions in league matches take precedence. Then I'll try to separate them by goals scored. Then by lower transfer fee or number of tattoos. If you see two or more names in a position I still couldn't split them.)

GK - David Raya Martin (Cheese Makers)

DEF - Ben White (Aardvark Abacus), William Saliba (The Wateringhole Society), James Tarkowski (Real Muppets, Gabriel (The Cow-Faced Juniors)

MID - Phil Foden (Muppets), Cole Palmer (Trusted By Millions), Bukayo Saka (Wateringhole), Leandro Trossard (Trusted)

ATT - Erling Haaland (Muppets), Alexander Isak (Trusted)

Subs: Ederson (Muppets); Dan Burn (San Dimas High School); Michael Olise (Wheel Madrid) ; Ollie Watkins (Aardvarks)

This is always more volatile than you might imagine. Just White, Gabriel and Haaland were in last year's team.

2023/24 Players of the Season

(Awards are made on basis of contributions, 'counters', in all WSFFL competitions. Where there is a tie, contributions in league matches take precedence.)

Player of the Season, Golden Boot, Attacker of the Season

Erling Haaland (Real Muppets) - 26 goals

Not quite the force of last season but still comfortably ahead when it comes to these categories. Another Cup winners medal for the Norwegian too.

Golden Gloves

David Raya Martin (Cheese Makers) - 12 cleans

In a tough season for keepers with many more goals than usual Raya became the fifth different winner in five years. 

Defender of the Season

Ben White (Aardvark Abacus) - Two goals, sixteen clean sheets

Despite those goals mentioned above White held on to this award with only one clean fewer than last season.

Midfielder of the Season and £500k Player of the Season

Phil Foden (Real Muppets) - 20 goals

Third in the Player of the Season and Golden Boot categories too. Exceptional season. What a bargain Ryan spotted here. Please repeat for England this summer!

Young Player of the Season (Now 21 or under at start of the season) and Signing of the Season

Cole Palmer (Trusted By Millions) - 19 goals

This usually goes to a new player unto the league but this time Palmer made a £40m switch from the Artisans to Chelsea in the summer then Beef paid £28m at the auction. Looks worth at least twice that.

2023/24 Co-ord Round-up Part One - Transfer Dealings

Here's what I said last year: "So what's next - the first billion pound spend season? One thing that will happen is us going through the £10bn spent barrier. OucH!" (I've given the typo in!)

Both of these were true.

Income

£1.2bn to be precise. Two teams went through the previous record of £151m, three more went through the £100m barrier. On the other side of the coin eight teams didn't make £50m of sales.

Expenditure

We just went through last season's record of £962m but still haven't hit the £1bn mark. Three teams spent more than £100m, including one that set a new single season spending record, and two more £90m plus.

Nine teams spent less than £90m.

Overall

A rare profit on the season, of £250m too. One team set a new single season profit record (nine figures!), two more made profits in excess of £60m. On the deficit side, six sides made losses. All were less than £20m apart from one team that came in at more than twice that.

I fancy the next couple of auctions could be chaos. Surely the £1bn spend will go next season.

(Bear in mind that these figures might be wrong. But they won't be wrong by much. Hardly at all in fact.)

Overall Table

Good batthe for third spot going on...

	The Combined WSFFL League Table
	Seasons 2001-2024
	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Aardvark Abacus	690	383	114	193	1597	1076	521	1263
2	Trusted By Millions	690	349	118	223	1521	1169	352	1165
4	Claymore Athletic FC	690	334	122	234	1570	1253	317	1124
5	The Cow-Faced Juniors (1)	690	333	122	235	1462	1193	269	1121
3	FW LG XI	690	328	134	228	1530	1202	328	1118
6	The Fabulous Artisans (2)	690	321	108	261	1324	1240	84	1071
7	Real Muppets	690	307	136	247	1398	1213	185	1057
8	Markian United (8)	690	296	124	270	1361	1264	97	1012
9	San Dimas High School	690	289	127	274	1267	1281	-14	994
10	Stanley and Gracie United (3)	690	267	119	304	1157	1323	-166	920
11	Cheese Makers (6)	690	255	134	301	1094	1251	-157	899
12	The Wateringhole Society (5)	690	249	123	318	1138	1314	-176	870
13	Mega Buck Bandits	690	232	128	330	1032	1248	-216	824
14	Wheel Madrid (4)	690	213	133	344	1018	1381	-363	772
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	690	203	121	366	943	1334	-391	730
16	YTFIB (7)	690	170	119	401	792	1462	-670	629
	TOTAL	11040	4529	1982	4529	20204	20204	0	15569
	(1) includes results from Kylie Bumcheeks and Eleven Imaginary Boys
	(2) includes results from Prettier Than You and SCP Marmosets
	(3) includes results from Viola's Pier, Thommo's Titans, Melwood FC
	Dynamo Kev and Athletico Phoenix, formerly Stanley Athletic FC
	(4) includes results from Short Straw Rovers and Final Fantasy XI
	(5) includes results from Elland Road Big Boys and The Dead Parrots
	(6) includes results from 22-Legged Groove Machine and Bassett Allsorts
	(7) formerly York's Returning Glory
	(8) includes results from You Know Your Boston Rock FC and FCK2