Week 5 Results

 The 100% records are well and truly gone. Ceri stays top but the table has concertinad somewhat.

Aardvark Abacus 2 v 2 Real Muppets
Athletico Phoenix 2 v 0 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Claymore Athletic FC 4 v 1 Final Fantasy XI
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 1 v 2 The Cheese Makers
The Dead Parrots 3 v 2 Trusted By Millions
The Fabulous Artisans 2 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 5 v 2 San Dimas High School
YTFIB 0 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Final Fantasy XI	5	4	0	1	12	5	7	12
2	The Cow-Faced Juniors	5	4	0	1	11	5	6	12
3	The Fabulous Artisans (PC)	5	3	2	0	8	2	6	11
4	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	5	3	1	1	18	9	9	10
5	Claymore Athletic FC (LC, FA)	5	3	1	1	12	7	5	10
6	Athletico Phoenix (CS)	5	3	0	2	13	8	5	9
7	Real Muppets	5	2	3	0	11	8	3	9
8	Aardvark Abacus	5	2	1	2	11	7	4	7
9	The Cheese Makers	5	2	1	2	10	8	2	7
10	The Dead Parrots	5	2	1	2	9	10	-1	7
11	Mega Buck Bandits	5	2	0	3	7	7	0	6
12	Trusted By Millions	5	2	0	3	7	10	-3	6
13	YTFIB	5	2	0	3	7	12	-5	6
14	San Dimas High School	5	1	0	4	8	19	-11	3
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	5	0	0	5	4	16	-12	0
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	5	0	0	5	3	18	-15	0

Last week's top two both lost but last week's top two are still this week's top two.

Final Fantasy hang on to pole position despite going down 4-1 to Claymore. Ceri's team were ahead through another classy Demba Ba finish and were looking like making it five wins out of five but then Claymore brought out the cleans through Ivanovic, Perch, Luiz and Olsson. Clive's rapier-like strikers are not producing at the moment so he'll be doubly pleased that his defensive broadsword is getting the job done. The CFJs' perfect start also came to a grinding halt at Athletico Phoenix. Brian is finally getting a tune out of Bobby Zamora who netted the opener and there was no surprise that Robin van Persie finished the game with a late penalty.

The Fabulous Artisans are third and piled on more woes to bottom-placed Fred. The Gardeners looked to have earned a first point but Arouna Kone opened his WSFFL account on 90 minutes and Leighton Baines (who had been subject to interest from Claymore in the week) finished the game with a clean. Boston Rock are the league's highest scorers after going 'nap' on San Dimas. Darren Bent fired Sheriff ahead from close range on 36 minutes but Rafael produced a great curling shot against his old club to level five minutes after the break. Jermain Defoe poached the Sky Heroes back in front ten minutes later but Romelu Lukaku squared the game for a second time on 71 minutes. The decisive goal came in stoppage time when Kevin Nolan hooked in and two more cleans put a slightly unfair look to the scoreline.

History lesson - over the last three seasons both Real Muppets and Aardvark Abacus have squandered title challenges by drawing to many matches. To the present, and the teams draw 2-2 to leave them 7th and 8th. Ryan's team were ahead through a thumping Joleon Lescott header before the break but an unlucky deflection of Ciaran Clark levelled the game. Ashley Cole doesn't score many goals but his dinked finish with five minutes to go put the Muppets 2-1 up. Phil Jagielka's clean meant the game finished all square. The Cheese Makers keep Nil Satis pointless after a 2-1 victory. Paul's team took the lead in this one, Victor Anichebe netting from six yards. Kevin Mirallas equalised when following up his own effort that came back off the bar and Marouane Fellaini won the game with a deflected header eight minutes from time.

A tale of two strikers in the Parrots v Trusted game. For the Parrots, Rickie Lambert has found his WSFFL feet scoring twice, including the winner from the penalty spot. For Trusted, Papiss Cisse looks a shadow of the player he was in the second half of last season and blazed a first half penalty over. Our last game of the week is a tale of one striker. Steven Fletcher bagging the only goal for Mega Bucks against YTFIB after nine minutes, not much else happened.

Week 4 Results

Ceri still in Fantasy-land.

Final Fantasy XI 2 v 0 The Dead Parrots  
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 1 v 4 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
Mega Buck Bandits 3 v 0 Athletico Phoenix
Real Muppets 1 v 1 Claymore Athletic FC
San Dimas High School 0 v 4 YTFIB
The Cheese Makers 1 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 1 Aardvark Abacus
Trusted By Millions 2 v 1 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Final Fantasy XI	4	4	0	0	11	1	10	12
2	The Cow-Faced Juniors	4	4	0	0	11	3	8	12
3	The Fabulous Artisans	4	2	2	0	6	2	4	8
4	Real Muppets	4	2	2	0	9	6	3	8
5	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	4	2	1	1	13	7	6	7
6	Claymore Athletic FC	4	2	1	1	8	6	2	7
7	Aardvark Abacus	4	2	0	2	9	5	4	6
8	Athletico Phoenix	4	2	0	2	11	8	3	6
9	Trusted By Millions	4	2	0	2	5	7	-2	6
10	YTFIB	4	2	0	2	7	11	-4	6
11	The Cheese Makers	4	1	1	2	8	7	1	4
12	The Dead Parrots	4	1	1	2	6	8	-2	4
13	Mega Buck Bandits	4	1	0	3	6	7	-1	3
14	San Dimas High School	4	1	0	3	6	14	-8	3
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	4	0	0	4	3	14	-11	0
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	4	0	0	4	3	16	-13	0

Final Fantasy stay top and hang on to their 100% record. Demba Ba’s had a bit of a quiet phase after an explosive start at Ceri’s team but his second-half brace was too good for the Parrots. Ba’s second goal was a very clever finish, delayed until the keeper had committed himself.  The CFJs are the other team with maximum points after beating Drove neighbours the Aardvarks 2-1 in front of 75,000. Lukas Podolski’s fine free-kick had Ady’s side ahead on the half-hour but two goals in a minute through Gareth Bale and Luis Suarez with 20 minutes leftgave Chris the win.

There's a four-point gap to the rest of the league. Ben's Artisans are third after sharing a draw with brother Matthew's Cheese Makers. Leighton Baines got the opener for Ben on 15 minutes but there was controversy late in the game when Marouane Fellaini appeared to have equalised only to have the goal chalked off by an erroneous offside decision. Sebastian Bassong's clean sheet deservedly levelled the game. The Muppets are the other team on eight points after a draw with Claymore. The evergreen Paul Scoles put Ryan ahead from close range just after the break but the Muppets were denied the win when David Luiz got a clean for The Swordsmen. (I decided to invent a nickname.)

Boston Rock were back on song this week and showed no mercy to the struggling Gardeners. Jermain Defoe bossed this one for Sheriff, scored twice and could have had a hatful. Recent signing Steve Sidwell also on target for the 'Sky Heroes'. If Fred is looking for a consolation it's in Alexander Buttner (I don't know where my umlaut key is) who scored on debut. A rare lacklustre showing from the Phoenix was pounced on by Mega Bucks. Dave's team got off the mark for this season thanks to a Steven Fletcher goal and cleans from Russell Martin and new signing Guy Demel.

Trusted are still not firing on all cylinders but edged out struggling Nil Satis 2-1. Paul will feel a little disgruntled after seeing a Victor Anichebe shot cross the line but not be given as a goal. Although Anichebe did notch two minutes from the end to equalise Chicarito’s goal Beef still had a Jussi Jaaskeleinen clean to take the points. Dimitar Berbatov made his YTFIB debut this week and the languid Bulgarian scored twice in the 4-0 victory over San Dimas. Peter Crouch’s ‘Basketball’ goal had opened the scoring on 15 minutes and Berbatov’s strikes had made it 3-0 by half-time when I was down to ten men after Peter Odemwingie's red card. I’m sure my team aren’t that bad, but that makes it my fault!

Week 3 Results

Final Fantasy go top.

Aardvark Abacus 3 v 2 Mega Buck Bandits
Athletico Phoenix 6 v 2 San Dimas High School
Claymore Athletic FC 0 v 1 The Cow-Faced Juniors
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 4 Final Fantasy XI
The Dead Parrots 3 v 3 Real Muppets
Trusted By Millions 3 v 2 The Cheese Makers
You Know Your Boston Rock FC 1 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
YTFIB 2 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	Final Fantasy XI	3	3	0	0	9	1	8	9
2	The Cow-Faced Juniors	3	3	0	0	9	2	7	9
3	The Fabulous Artisans	3	2	1	0	5	1	4	7
4	Real Muppets	3	2	1	0	8	5	3	7
5	Athletico Phoenix	3	2	0	1	11	5	6	6
6	Aardvark Abacus	3	2	0	1	8	3	5	6
7	Claymore Athletic FC	3	2	0	1	7	5	2	6
8	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	3	1	1	1	9	6	3	4
9	The Dead Parrots	3	1	1	1	6	6	0	4
10	The Cheese Makers	3	1	0	2	7	6	1	3
11	Trusted By Millions	3	1	0	2	3	6	-3	3
12	San Dimas High School	3	1	0	2	6	10	-4	3
13	YTFIB	3	1	0	2	3	11	-8	3
14	Mega Buck Bandits	3	0	0	3	3	7	-4	0
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	3	0	0	3	2	12	-10	0
16	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	3	0	0	3	2	12	-10	0

Final Fantasy XI will be sat proudly on top of our league table as we head into the first international beak of the season. Ceri's team now have a third of the number of points they picked up in the entire 2011/12 season. This week's win was a comprehensive dispatching of Nil Satis. Yaya Toure only needs half a yard in the box and he punished Paul's team on 16 minutes. Pool signing Matt Taylor doubled the lead before the break and then that score was doubled by Gareth McAuley with a late goal and a clean. Nil Satis had been unlucky in their first two matches - this was a poor showing though and they're still pointless. Final Fantasy took over from the CFJs but Chris' team still have a 100% record after beating Claymore. The CFJs won the game in four second-half minutes. Michu scored his fourth of the season 66 minutes, Kelvin Davis saved his second penalty of the campaign three minutes later. Jonas Olsson found a clean for Clive but the champs suffer their first setback.

A clean sheet grabbed the Fabulous Artisans a point at Boston Rock. Kevin Nolan had Sheriff's team in front in 53 seconds and they held that lead to the bitter end when Kieran Gibbs got Ben the equalising clean. The Muppets are fourth after coming from behind to grab a point at the Parrots. Dean was 2-1 up at the break, Rickie Lambert's header had been cancelled out by one from Ciaran Clark. Wayne Routledge had Dean back in front just before the break and Robert Snodgrass looked to have won it with a goal five minutes from time. It was two of Ryan's big names that saved a point, a Carlos Tevez goal and a Thomas Vermaelen clean spoiling Dean's afternoon.

The Phoenix stretched their wings this weekend and San Dimas were on the wrong end. Robin van Persie missed a penalty but still scored a hat-trick, Maloney, Zamora and a first from Cazorla way too much for San Dimas. Jonathan Walters scored against his former club and Hatem Ben Arfa ripped a goal of the season contender home but then RvP showed he'll be a force to be reckoned with again this season. Ady has two new signings to thank for his win in the first Battle of the Bevan Brothers of the season. Winston Reid and Lukas Podolski scored around the half hour to have the Anteaters in control but the recalled Steven Fletcher struck twice to have the Bandits level at the break. The decider came very late and it was Reid, with a clean, that clinched the win for Ady's team.

Trusted, last season's runners-up, are off the mark but it looked bleak for Beef. The Cheese Makers were two up through Franco Di Santo and Shane Long (Matthew will be pleased they're finding the net with a bit more regularity) but cleans from Jaaskeleinen, Tomkins and Ridgewell turned the game on its head and probably left Matthew saying 'Yarg'. YTFIB came off best in the battle of the bottom two. Fred West were severely depleted (Fred has been swinging the axe mercilessly) and Julian's team took advantage. Peter Crouch broke the deadlock on 76 minutes and Joey O'Brien finished it off with a clean.

WSFFL Top Transfer Fees Received (updated Aug 2026)

The league's biggest deals... The top 50 anyway. It was getting a bit unmanageable!  (I'm guessing a little bit as our records aren't complete but I think this is a fair stab and we don't pay add-ons)

£125.4m - Alexander Isak from Trusted By Millions to Liverpool (Sep 2025)

£115.7m - Elliott Anderson from Trusted By Millions to Manchester City (Jul 2026)

£108m - Phillippe Coutinho from Mega Buck Bandits to Barcelona (Jan 2018)

£105.75m - Jack Grealish from Wheel Madrid to Manchester City (Aug 2021)

£100.1m - Declan Rice from Aardvark Abacus to Arsenal (Jul 2023)

£99.8m - Moises Caicedo from San Dimas to Chelsea (Aug 2023)
£90m - Eden Hazard from Fred West LG XI to Real Madrid (Jun 2019)

£86.4m - Harry Kane from Markian United to Bayern Munich (Aug 2023)
£85.3m - Gareth Bale from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Real Madrid (Sep 2013)

£84.8m - Mateus Fernandes from Claymore Athletic FC to Tottenham (Jul 2026)
£80m - Cristiano Ronaldo from Real Muppets to Real Madrid (Jul 2009)
£75m - Virgil van Dijk from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Liverpool (Jan 2018)
£75m - Luis Suarez from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Barcelona (Jul 2014)

£68.6m - Anthony Gordon from Cheese Makers to Barcelona (Jul 2026)

£65.9m - Carlos Baleba from GC TotW to Manchester United (Aug 2026)

£64.4m - Jhon Duran from Aardvark Abacus to Al-Nassr (Feb 2025)

£64.2m - Julian Alvarez from Cheese Makers to Atletico Madrid (Aug 2024)

£61.02m - Riyad Mahrez from Athletico Phoenix to Manchester City (Jul 2018)

£60.5m - Luis Diaz from Trusted By Millions to Bayern Munich (Jul 2025)

£60.2m - Kai Havertz from Stanley and Gracie to Arsenal (Jul 2023)
£60m - Oscar from Nil Satis to Shanghai SiPG (Jan 2017)
£59.4m - Diego Costa from Athletico Phoenix to Atletico Madrid (Jan 2018)

£58.77m - Marc Cucurella from Markian United to Chelsea (Aug 2022)
£58.5m - Romelu Lukaku from San Dimas to Inter Milan (Aug 2019)

£55.1m - Crysencio Summerville from San Dimas to Al-Hilal (July 2026)

£55.1m - Mohammed Kudus from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Tottenham (Jul 2025)

£54.9m - Mason Mount from The Fabulous Artisans to Manchester United (Jul 2023)

£54.4m - Illyia Zabarnyi from Real Muppets to PSG (Aug 2025)

£53.5m - Dean Huijsen from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Real Madrid (Jul 2025)

£53.1m - Matheus Nunes from Claymore Athletic FC to Manchester City (Sep 2023)

£52.3m - Tijjani Reijnders from Cheese Makers to Al-Qadsiah (Aug 2026)

£52.2m - Richarlison from Trusted By Millions to Tottenham (Jul 2022)

£52.2m - Raphinha from Trusted By Millions to Barcelona (Jul 2022)

£51.4m - Pedro Neto from The Wateringhole Society to Chelsea (Jul 2024)

£51.3m - Rodri from Markian United to Barceloan (Aug 2026)

£50.58m - Raheem Sterling from Real Muppets to Chelsea (Jul 2022)

£50.5m - Moussa Diaby from The Fabulous Artisans to Al-Ittihad (Jul 2024)
£50.4m - Alvaro Morata from The Cow-Faced Juniors (Jul 2020)

£50m - Amadou Onana from Claymore Athletic FC to Aston Villa (Jul 2024)
£50m - David Luiz from Claymore Athletic FC to Barcelona (Jul 2014)
£50m - Fernando Torres from Trusted By Millions to Chelsea (Jan 2011)

£49.5m - Ferran Torres from Fred West LG XI to Barcelona (Jan 2022)
£49.5m - Aaron Wan-Bissaka from Claymore to Manchester United (Jun 2019)

£48m - Andrey Santos from Stanley and Gracie to Manchester United (Jul 2026)
£47.5m - John Stones from Nil Satis to Manchester City (Aug 2016)

£47.3m - Ruben Neves from Mega Buck Bandits to Al-Hilal (July 2023)

£47.1m - Marc Cucurella from The Wateringhole Society to Real Madrid (Aug 2026)

£45.9m - Darwin Nunez from Markian United to Al-Hilal (August 2025)

£45m - Aleksandar Mitrovic from Claymore Athletic to Al-Hilal (Aug 2023)
£45m - Gylfi Sigurdsson from The Cow-Faced Juniors to Everton (Aug 2017)
£45m - Kyle Walker from San Dimas to Manchester City (Jul 2017)

Week 2 Results

Five teams make it two wins out of two. Five make it none out of two.

Final Fantasy XI 2 v 0 Trusted By Millions
Fred West Landscape Gardening XI 2 v 5 Athletico Phoenix
Mega Buck Bandits 0 v 2 Claymore Athletic FC
Real Muppets 3 v 2 Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
San Dimas High School 1 v 0 Aardvark Abacus
The Cheese Makers 4 v 0 You Know Your Boston Rock FC
The Cow-Faced Juniors 2 v 1 The Dead Parrots
The Fabulous Artisans 3 v 0 YTFIB

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	Pts
1	The Cow-Faced Juniors	2	2	0	0	7	1	6	6
2	Final Fantasy XI	2	2	0	0	5	1	4	6
3	The Fabulous Artisans	2	2	0	0	4	0	4	6
4	Claymore Athletic FC	2	2	0	0	6	3	3	6
5	Real Muppets	2	2	0	0	5	2	3	6
6	Aardvark Abacus	2	1	0	1	5	1	4	3
7	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	2	1	0	1	8	5	3	3
8	Athletico Phoenix	2	1	0	1	5	3	2	3
9	The Cheese Makers	2	1	0	1	5	3	2	3
10	San Dimas High School	2	1	0	1	4	4	0	3
11	The Dead Parrots	2	1	0	1	3	3	0	3
12	Mega Buck Bandits	2	0	0	2	1	4	-3	0
13	Trusted By Millions	2	0	0	2	0	4	-4	0
14	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	2	0	0	2	2	8	-6	0
15	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	2	0	0	2	2	10	-8	0
16	YTFIB	2	0	0	2	1	11	-10	0

I'll start with our new leaders. The CFJs finished best of all last season with seven straight wins and have carried that form into this campaign. Chris' team fell behind to a close range Damien Duff shot for the Parrots on three minutes but Michu latched on to a defensive error to square the game on the half hour. The winner came from one of last year's CFJ heroes, Danny Graham forcing in from six yards. If it's no surprise that the CFJs are top then you might have to look twice to make sure it's Final Fantasy's name in second. After seeing off the Cheese Makers last week Ceri's team followed up with a win over last season's runners-up. Final Fantasy were ahead on 20 minutes when Angel Rangel's cross-shot was blundered in by the Trusted 'keeper and Yaya Toure doubled the mead on 63 minutes after being left alone in the Trusted six yard box. Beef's team are the only one without a goal to their name this season.

The Artisans had a good tilt at the title last term and Ben is off and running again this year. His team are third after a comfortable 3-0 win over YTFIB, Martin Skrtel's unstoppable header being added to by cleans from Asmir Begovic and Kieran Gibbs. Julian has added Danny Simpson from The Cheese Makers for £6m to try to plug his leaky defence. Claymore Athletic, our reigning champions, are in the 100% club too. It was a couple of cleans, from Branislav Ivanovic and transfer-listed Jose Bosingwa, that gave Clive the win at Mega Bucks but the boss will be concerned that Wayne Rooney has joined Sergio Aguero in the treatment room. He would be without both of them until week five at the earliest.

The last of our two out of two teams are the Muppets. Ryan's team trailed twice to Nil Satis and had a man sent off for the second week running but a debut goal from Shinji Kagawa and a Carlos Tevez effort with 10 minutes left set up Ashley Cole for the winning clean. Tevez is looking like the player who was the league's top-scoring striker for two years running. Aardvark Abacus are sixth after Ady's team were edged out 1-0 by San Dimas. The only goal came just before the break from a towering back-post header from 5ft 8in Rafael. Despite this win my team dropped a place in the table. Work that out! Has this game got it in for me or what?

I'm sure Sheriff wasn't getting carried away but our week one leaders are down to seventh after a crushing 4-0 defeat at Rock Gardens, the new home of the Cheese Makers. Matthew's team opened the scoring with Marouane Fellaini's header and Franci di Santo and Benoit Assou-Ekotto added rare strikes before Andy Wilkinson finished things with a clean. Fred's been having a bit of a sort-out with his team but he's still got work to do judging by his second straight heavy defeat. The game against Athletico Phoenix was level at the break. Robin van Persie had opened his season's account and Bobby Zamora had made it two for the Phoenix while top buy at the August auction Eden Hazard an Fernando Torres had replied for Fred. The game turned on Nemanja Vidic's flukey, flying heeled own goal on 64 minutes and Brian cruised to victory from there.

San Dimas sign Kaka (not that one)

San Dimas High School have signed Swedish youngster Alex Kacaniklic from Fulham for 500k.

The San Dimas scouts have seen him play a couple of times and reported that "he looks like he might be good".

Leaving the Saints squad is keeper Craig Gordon.

Week 1 Results

Some big scores this week...  

Aardvark Abacus 5 v 0 Fred West Landscape Gardening XI
Athletico Phoenix 0 v 1 The Fabulous Artisans
Claymore Athletic FC 4 v 3 San Dimas High School
Final Fantasy XI 3 v 1 The Cheese Makers
Nil Satis Nisi Optimum 0 v 5 The Cow-Faced Juniors
The Dead Parrots 2 v 1 Mega Buck Bandits
Trusted By Millions 0 v 2 Real Muppets
YTFIB 1 v 8 You Know Your Boston Rock FC

	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	Diff	CC	SP	Pts
1	You Know Your Boston Rock FC	1	1	0	0	8	1	7	0	0	3
2	Aardvark Abacus	1	1	0	0	5	0	5	0	0	3
3	The Cow-Faced Juniors	1	1	0	0	5	0	5	2	1	3
4	Final Fantasy XI	1	1	0	0	3	1	2	1	0	3
5	Real Muppets	1	1	0	0	2	0	2	2	1	3
6	Claymore Athletic FC	1	1	0	0	4	3	1	2	0	3
7	The Dead Parrots	1	1	0	0	2	1	1	1	0	3
8	The Fabulous Artisans	1	1	0	0	1	0	1	1	0	3
9	San Dimas High School	1	0	0	1	3	4	-1	2	0	0
10	Mega Buck Bandits	1	0	0	1	1	2	-1	1	0	0
11	Athletico Phoenix	1	0	0	1	0	1	-1	1	0	0
12	The Cheese Makers	1	0	0	1	1	3	-2	1	0	0
13	Trusted By Millions	1	0	0	1	0	2	-2	2	0	0
14	Fred West Landscape Gardening XI	1	0	0	1	0	5	-5	0	0	0
15	Nil Satis Nisi Optimum	1	0	0	1	0	5	-5	2	0	0
16	YTFIB	1	0	0	1	1	8	-7	0	0	0

As it's the first week of the season the report this week will take the shape of a list of firsts.

First goal - came from 2010/11 Player of the Season Branislav Ivanovic for Claymore on two minutes. San Dimas later led 3-2 but cleans from Ivanovic and David Luiz set the champions off with a win.
First rout - Boston Rock equalled their biggest ever league win, stuffing YTFIB 8-1 and are top of our fledgling table. Julian's previous biggest defeat was 7-0 to the same opponents in week 16 last season.
First blank - Fred West LG XI are the first team to record no goals and no cleans this season. Their opponents, Aardvark Abacus, left it late with a 90th minute goal and then four cleans to give Fred pain.
First brace - Was from the CFJs' Michu and a minute later Mladen Petric bagged his second for Chris in the win over Nil Satis. Kelvin Davis saved the first penalty of the season and all seven of Chris' contributions came from new signings.
First red card - Was Danny Agger of the Muppets. Conversely to Chris, Ryan named a side from last season, all 15 still being at the club, and despite Agger's red card finished 2-0 winners at last season's runners-up, Trusted.
First game entirely settled by cleans - Was the Artisans 1-0 win over Athletico Phoenix. Kieran Gibbs is credited with the winner, can he stay fit for more than a few weeks?
First goal for Rickie Lambert - Turned out to be the decider as the Parrots beat Mega Bucks 2-1. Will Lambert be a bargain at £10m or a flash in the pan? We shall see.
First game where I can't think of any firsts - Final Fantasy defeating the Cheese Makers 3-1. Shane Long missed a penalty for Matthew that would have put his side ahead and Ceri closed it out with a couple of cleans.